Today, I had a mild improvement. I made it into work and lasted a whole hour before needing to leave from feeling that unwell. My throat was sore which left me with almost no voice, my nose still ridiculously congested despite having allergy medicine, Rhinocort, Aleve Cold and Sinus, and DayQuil in me. More than that though, I just felt so tired. I slept until 3:30 pm today, downed tons of water, and took more vitamins, had some toast, and dragged myself into work but I just couldn't focus. I kept trying to call out but it was hard for people to understand me without my voice and my inability to focus made me almost certain that I was going to make a costly mistake.
In the end, I went to my team lead and told her that I needed to go home. Really, I felt like I would cost them more money than help them make money tonight. When I go into work, I throw myself into it and I could see myself cutting corners in attempt to make it easier for me. Still, I can't help but feel super guilty. I really don't want them to think that I'm not coming in because my wedding is right around the corner and I'm doing stuff for that instead of meeting my obligations. One of my big fears is that I'm going to come back from Hawaii and they're going to tell me that I'm no longer needed at the company because I've called in too many times, or I made too many mistakes, or I don't know. Maybe I've done or haven't done something I don't even realize. I also feel super bad because they are in need of a lot of help and I haven't been able to do anything for them recently and I'm afraid they're going to think I'm not being a good "team player."
So yeah, when we get back we won't be any further in debt by any means but I'm going to feel like I need to make money and fast. In fact, I intend to pick up as many hours as I can when I get back to help replenish our Emergency Fund and create even greater savings to help pay back our debts. So yeah, I don't know I'm feeling super worried about it right now. Why did I have to get sick? Such inopportune timing! Yes, it will be better to deal with now than later but... I wish it didn't happen at all. There's also that whole part of me that's never been fired before. There was that one time that I thought I had been fired way back at my first job at CVS but I actually wasn't. I was devastated when that happened and super embarrassed. More than anything, both of my parents are such hard workers and they've instilled in me a great work ethic so I can't imagine anything more disappointing to them and to myself than being fired after all this time.
Dave thinks I'm freaking out over nothing but I can't help it. I did come home and I went right back to bed and slept for 3 more hours. I must say I am feeling a bit better. Not 100% but a little bit. Maybe I'll try and go in on Thursday night to make up for one of these days. Maybe I'll work extra hours on Friday or maybe even see if they need me to go in on Saturday morning. I want them to to know that I'm not just slacking off because my wedding is around the corner. As of right now, all I can do is focus on getting better and keep planning my wedding and hope that I will be able to discuss this with them as soon as I'm well enough.
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