I couldn't get home from work fast enough tonight. In fact, I have a small confession to make. For the past three days I haven't taken my medication. It wasn't purposeful, by any means. I normally take it at night and the past couple of nights I was all, "Crap I don't have anymore. I need to remember to pick some up tomorrow." Then tomorrow would come and I'd be running all over the place and I'd forget to pick it up only to remember when I go to take it again and it's too late to go out. Dave picked it up for me tonight, thank goodness.
The downside to any of these medications is that you're not supposed to just stopped taking them. You're supposed to slowly increase your dosage when you begin taking it and then slowly decrease the dosage to prevent the unwanted side effects. Unwanted side effects like crazy dreams that prevent you from sleeping or napping properly. Seriously, every time I wasn't doing something or going somewhere I was in bed trying to take a nap or to sleep but my crazy not so pleasant dreams prevented me from ever truly feeling rested.
However, the most profound side effect happened tonight and is still sort of happening (I've taken the meds now but I need to let them take effect). I feel anxious. Anxious and antsy. Not panicky, though I feel like if I am presented with the wrong question or the wrong thought, I could easily overreact What's crazy is that this is exactly how I used to feel before my collapse. All throughout college and the first few years of Dave and me dating, I was in this high strung, anxious state. It is no wonder that the smallest things would throw me into a tizzy. Not realizing that it was anxiety at the time I would normally get angry or feel the need to start talking a mile a minute. I'm sure Alli remembers the days when I would stop by her room and just pace and talk at her to help relieve some of these feelings. Only recently did I ever make the correlation.
So yeah, I'm glad I remembered the medication tonight because I'd be freaking out without it. Dave and I are supposed to go to the Big E tomorrow but something tells me that it won't be the day we had originally planned. I had invited both Katie and Jamie to come along with us but then of course never reached out to them this week despite Katie's very reassuring voicemail a couple of days ago. Or was that just yesterday. These past few days have felt like a blur. My thinking now is that if we do end up going we will just be going for a Maine baked potato and a creme puff. It's kind of a waste of money but I don't want us to run ourselves ragged.
Alright, writing this is not helping me to relax at all. I think I need to lie down and see if that helps.
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