I am awake and I don't want to be. I woke up to one of Dave's alarms that he must of forgot about and have spent the whole morning listening to him sniffle and sound downright miserable. I asked if he wanted to take the day off to recover and he got all upset which just makes me more worried and anxious. I don't want to be sick for my wedding or honeymoon! I don't want him sick for it either. Thing is, I always seem to get whatever it is he has and he is notorious for getting sick and better just in time for something I'm really looking forward to which means that I'm always sick for it. Like Niagara Falls a couple of years ago. He came down with a terrible flu about two weeks before and had recovered by a week after. Sadly, though, I came down with it at two days before our trip causing it to have to be postponed by a day and even then I was there feeling awful for a good half of it and it just lessens it.
I don't want that to happen on such an important day. He just stormed out of here because he's mad that I'm irritated and worried and annoyed that he won't take care of himself and get some extra sleep. Yes, I love the fact that he has a strong work ethic and that his job is very important to him but it's times like this when I just want to scream at him. When he had mono, he did this same thing. He forced himself to go to work, doesn't perform the way he can because he is sick, they get rightfully irritated because they don't know that he's sick, he's gets more stressed which causes him to try and work harder and for longer, making whatever it is that he has either a.) last longer or b) get worse. Not once does it actually help him get better. He swears by taking Airborne and things of that nature when he's sick but doesn't seem to get that sometimes the quickest and easiest way to feel better is by actually giving himself the rest his body is lacking.
Normally, this doesn't make me so aggravated but I'm be honest. I'm a selfish bitch and my irritation is coming more from not wanting to get sick myself. When this happens as it often does, I just tend to let things be. I offer my suggestions and he can take it or leave it. He's a big boy. Then when I do catch it a week or so later, I handle it the way I think best to handle not. It's not normally a big deal. It's a big deal now because we are almost at 2 weeks to our wedding. Our lives are crazy. I feel like we're constantly doing things and constantly working or thinking or planning which is fine; I don't mind that but it means that we're not resting and that means that if we catch anything, there's only so much we can do. I hate it. We never should have stayed up so late doing those stupid favors.
I really haven't felt that nervous about the actual wedding this whole time and people keep saying that it will come. Well, it's here and I'm nervous because I don't want to be sick. We were thinking about going to the Big E this Saturday but I'm not sure if I want to anymore. I feel like I need to spend any time not working or planning resting trying to conserve my energies. Walking around all day in a place that always makes my allergies worse and having to wake up at 7am on Sunday no longer sounds so appealing. Not with being sick for my wedding looming over my head. I want to go and I haven't missed it since Alli first introduced me to it back in college but... there are more important things than traditions I'm finding. You've got very little if you don't have your health and everything good is never as good as it could be if you aren't feeling well enough to take it all in.
So boring bed rest it is. If he won't do it for himself then I can only do it for me. I can't make choices for him. I can't force him to do anything or try to control how he handles being sick but I can do whatever I can to prevent myself from being sick. If that means going to the store and buying lots of orange juice and taking Airborne and going to the bathroom every ten minutes then I'll do what I have to. I will not get sick. I won't. I won't. I won't!
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