Feeling Better

When I woke up this morning, I felt like an entirely new person.  Okay, well not entirely.  I was still the same person and I still had a running nose and yucky post nasal drip but I felt far better than I have since Sunday.  For the first time I didn't wake up completely exhausted and I didn't feel like I needed to go back to bed after just a few hours of being awake.  Yeah, yeah, I know: "how convenient that I miraculously got better when I didn't have to go to work and I was able to do the things I had planned for the wedding today."   Here's the thing.  It was totally legit.   On the one hand I was glad to be feeling better but I actually felt a bit guilty.

I know I have absolutely no control over when I get sick or when I get better and I shouldn't feel guilty about it.  I don't know why I feel guilty, really.  It's because in the end, I really am way too concerned about what other people think of me and I don't like that this may look bad on my part because I never meant it to end up that way.  Though I was reluctant to cancel the final fitting tonight because I knew that Dave's mom had taken the time off work to be able to come see it and it would be really difficult to reschedule, I was ready to do it if I had to.  I was also ready to just get through it too.  Just drive down, pick up something quick to eat, and go through the fitting and possibly have Dave come down to bring her back home so I could come home to go back to bed.  I didn't want that to have to happen but I knew that it might because this cold certainly had it's way with me.

So yeah, I know how it may look but it was definitely anything that I intended.  That said, I had a really nice conversation with Dave's mom which made me really happy because we didn't exactly get off to a great start when Dave and I initially told her about both of changing our last names.  We did get the chance to discuss that too and I know how it made her feel but it definitely made me feel better about it.  I also tried to stress to her how important it is to me that she stay involved in mine and Dave's life and how much I want her to be there for us and if we ever decide to have grandchildren.  It was the first time since I first met Dave that she and I were able to talk alone and I just tried to be as open and honest with her as I could.  I don't know how much she trusts what I have to say as she doesn't know me as well I would like just before I marry her son but I intend to spend the many years ahead of us, showing her that my words are not empty.