I attempted to sit at my closet desk today but ended up back on the couch. Our next purchase will need to be a comfortable chair to sit in. The office chair that I took from work is just too massive for a closet office. I need something smaller but the wooden chair I was trying to sit on just didn't cut it. What I really need is something that will support my back. I'm terrible at sitting and can't do it properly. Yeah, I can't sit without it hurting; it's one of the reasons why I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have an office job. Or I could just figure out how to sit up straight.
Anyway, I'm kind of bummed that my first attempt at enjoying my new office was an epic fail but I am confident that I can make it work. I'm excited to decorate it but I haven't gotten so far as to decide how exactly I plan to do that. Expect to see some photos on Pinterest soon. I haven't really been on there in a while. I see what I can during the down moments in the day on my new iphone but really haven't been able to view it for any length of time on my computer. I've only been to my computer to type my posts daily. Heck, I haven't really even checked my e-mail recently.
I've come back on it for tonight at least though I'm not quite sure what I'll do now that I'm here. A part of me feels like the only thing to do is to write this post. I should probably write one of the posts that I said that I would and planned to write today. However, something tells me that I won't. We'll see. This post for tonight is done though.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
New Blog
I've been thinking about my other blog today. I feel like it's time for me to write another post but I only have vague ideas on how I want to structure it. The fact that I decided to direct my new blog around the goals I set out for this year is a great start but I want to really hash it out. Right now, I've only gotten so far with it. For example, I want to write posts about each of the goals; hopefully multiple posts for each actually.
At the moment I haven't gotten very far but I've taken a baby step. Since the apartment is what's on my mind, I figured I'd start there. I mean, I knew I wanted to write a couple of book reviews on the books I read and on the recipes I've tried. However, today I started thinking about potential posts for the apartment. Here's what I've got so far:
At the moment I haven't gotten very far but I've taken a baby step. Since the apartment is what's on my mind, I figured I'd start there. I mean, I knew I wanted to write a couple of book reviews on the books I read and on the recipes I've tried. However, today I started thinking about potential posts for the apartment. Here's what I've got so far:
- Why are we doing this? What are we hoping to achieve by doing this?
- Where do we begin? Determining the needs for each room? What is missing? What needs to be taken away? Playing with the layout.
- Establishing a budget for this project. How do we plan to pay for this? (Inspired by wrote yesterday)
- Purchasing the couch (inspired by the post two days ago)
- Living Room - Before and After with photos
- Kitchen- Before and After with photos
- Bedroom- Before and After with photos
- Bathroom-Before and After with photos
- Creating an office space
- Tackling our storage unit
- Learning how to part with those particular items
- Choosing the wall art and decor
- Planning the housewarming
- Entertaining the housewarming
- Life in the new place
- Now what? Maintenance: figuring out the chores
So yeah, I think it's a pretty decent start anyway. I'm going to begin writing the first post soon.
Monday, November 28, 2011
"Apartment Therapy"
I'm writing this post on my new couch. I love it! Johnny came over with his father's pickup truck to help us pick it up and carry it inside. Thank goodness he was around! I really have no idea how we were planning on getting it home. I knew we were thinking rent a Uhaul to bring it home but I have absolutely no clue how we thought we were going to get it from the truck to the apartment. I'm not exactly the strongest female in the world or in a 50 yard radius so it's not like I could really have helped but between Dave and John they maneuvered into the room with ease. I held the door open really well too.
So happy birthday to us! I've decided that this apartment makeover is our birthday gift to each other and ourselves. His birthday is today! Happy birthday darling. With our birthdays only five days apart, we normally do something "big" for both of us rather than each of us getting each other something. Normally we decide to finance a trip somewhere like Disneyworld. Our budget for this place looks about the same as a Disney trip for a week staying in a value resort. It helps me justify the purchases a bit more. I kept thinking, "is this really the right time to begin such an investment? " There was that part of me that rationalized that we already lived with these bare walls and used furniture for two years, we could handle one more.
Here's the thing though. Had we moved to a different apartment, our rent would have increased by at least $200 or $2400 a year no matter which place we decided on. We've got a really good deal here and that's why we stayed. Of course, I have no intention of spending $2400 on this project but half that seems reasonable. Like I said, everything we currently have was once other peoples with the exception of our bedroom set and mattress that we purchased when we initially moved in. I'm really glad that we are doing this. It makes me really happy. Already with just the movement of furniture and a full size sofa that we can both sit in comfortably is making me super happy.
Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, the author of Apartment Therapy, suggests hosting a housewarming party once the eight week cure is finished. At first, I was very undecided about this part. Of course, our housewarming will have to be small or broken up into a couple of get-togethers so that everyone who wants to come can. I'll have to talk to Dave about it and think about a specific date but having an Apartment Cure housewarming is becoming a better and better idea.
So happy birthday to us! I've decided that this apartment makeover is our birthday gift to each other and ourselves. His birthday is today! Happy birthday darling. With our birthdays only five days apart, we normally do something "big" for both of us rather than each of us getting each other something. Normally we decide to finance a trip somewhere like Disneyworld. Our budget for this place looks about the same as a Disney trip for a week staying in a value resort. It helps me justify the purchases a bit more. I kept thinking, "is this really the right time to begin such an investment? " There was that part of me that rationalized that we already lived with these bare walls and used furniture for two years, we could handle one more.
Here's the thing though. Had we moved to a different apartment, our rent would have increased by at least $200 or $2400 a year no matter which place we decided on. We've got a really good deal here and that's why we stayed. Of course, I have no intention of spending $2400 on this project but half that seems reasonable. Like I said, everything we currently have was once other peoples with the exception of our bedroom set and mattress that we purchased when we initially moved in. I'm really glad that we are doing this. It makes me really happy. Already with just the movement of furniture and a full size sofa that we can both sit in comfortably is making me super happy.
Maxwell Gillingham-Ryan, the author of Apartment Therapy, suggests hosting a housewarming party once the eight week cure is finished. At first, I was very undecided about this part. Of course, our housewarming will have to be small or broken up into a couple of get-togethers so that everyone who wants to come can. I'll have to talk to Dave about it and think about a specific date but having an Apartment Cure housewarming is becoming a better and better idea.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
We got a couch! Go Bruins!
It's hard to believe that it is only 8:30 right now. Having woken up at 6:30 for work, worked all day, and did a bunch of apartment shopping this evening, I feel like I'm ready for bed. It also doesn't help that the sky is almost the color of midnight. As we were driving back from IKEA and Jordan's I felt myself crashing. The feeling of relaxation and exhaustion was overpowering. For once I was actually glad for the chill in the air; it woke me up a bit more. There is still a whole lot more to do tonight.
On any other day, I would hold off of what's needed. We've done a lot in one day as it is. However, tonight we found and bought a couch. It's perfect. Not only did it feel comfortable but it was way cheaper than I had intended on spending when I first started thinking about our apartment project. I don't feel guilty about spending the money at all. It was also the best couch we sat in since we began searching. Searching for a couch is a lot like playing Goldilocks in the fairy tale. You have to find the couch that's just right. not too hard or too soft. In addition, you want to find one in the correct size. With a small apartment, we can't really incorporate massive furniture. Finally, there is also fabric selection and color to consider.
Oddly enough, when I first started planning I envisioned us with a light green couch. Our current loveseat is a brownish gray and as our little apartment also lacks natural sunlight, the darkness of the color was something we wanted to step away from. Because our walls are painted with a very bland off-white, we had two options. One, we could repaint them and then repaint them again after moving out which just seems rather silly. Or we could make our bland walls work for us. How does this relate to our couch? Finding a light couch that didn't seem like a weird extension of our wall was more difficult than I anticipated. We could have gone with a gray color but we thought that it leave us feeling a bit drab.
As you know, I've had a very love/hate relationship with this apartment. Dave and I have lived here for over two years now and have yet to figure out a way to make this place work for us. When we decided to renew the lease it was under the condition that we actually gave this place a bit more of a personality. To help me do this, I turned to the book Apartment Therapy: The Eight Week Cure. It was written by the creator of apartmenttherapy.com. In his book, he suggested that we determine the feel we wanted for each of our room and what exactly we wanted to do in them. We decided that we wanted our living room to be a place where we could sit and relax as well as a room that can accommodate company.
With this in mind, I began thinking about colors. It was at this point that I thought a pale or light green sofa just might do the trick. The light colors didn't feel right and the browns all seemed to dark. The bright colors of IKEA also seemed too much for our little space. Dave had initially suggested a red couch which I would have been all about if our living room wasn't directly attached to our kitchen. According to color therapy, red is most often used in restaurants because it is said that we tend to associate the color with hunger. At least, here in the U.S. anyway. The last thing I needed was my couch unconsciously working against our desire to eat well. We have enough laziness and gluttony without any addition subconscious help. So in the end, we were thinking of a pale green or blue.
However, as we continued shopping I found that I wasn't thrilled with the shades of green offered and there was very little variety of blue. Over the past month of planning I've allowed myself to reconsider it all together. Today while walking in the outlet section of Jordan's we found a very comfortable brown couch for $400. It totally came in under our budget, it was a good size, and it was comfortable. The biggest downside was that it only came in brown. Despite our decision to continue walking through the rest of the store, we had decided that it would probably be our chosen one. It seemed very unlikely that we would find something else that fit the budget criteria. We were wrong! Not long after we found another super comfortable sofa for only $100 more. It also came in many different colors.
We sat and looked at the color squares for a bit until one of the sales people came over to us as asked if we needed assistance. We decided to get his opinion on the color. The first thing he said was "if you like the current color, we may have that in stock. Other colors may bring the cost up and could take up to four or six weeks to get it in. Guess which color the couch we happened to be sitting in was? Yes, it most definitely was a pale green very similar to what I had initially envisioned. Dave and I discussed it some more, looked around the rest of the store just to make sure there wasn't something we liked better, and decided that we were in fact going to buy it in the pale green. It will be coming home with us tomorrow! He is even having it sent to our local Jordan's so we don't have to drive all the way there to pick it up.
Because Jordan's is a local furniture chain, they run cool sports deals all the time. This year, I have one more big reason to root for our Boston Bruins. If they win the Stanley Cup this year, we will get this couch for free. They will actually write us a check for the purchase price. Go Bruins!!!
On any other day, I would hold off of what's needed. We've done a lot in one day as it is. However, tonight we found and bought a couch. It's perfect. Not only did it feel comfortable but it was way cheaper than I had intended on spending when I first started thinking about our apartment project. I don't feel guilty about spending the money at all. It was also the best couch we sat in since we began searching. Searching for a couch is a lot like playing Goldilocks in the fairy tale. You have to find the couch that's just right. not too hard or too soft. In addition, you want to find one in the correct size. With a small apartment, we can't really incorporate massive furniture. Finally, there is also fabric selection and color to consider.
Oddly enough, when I first started planning I envisioned us with a light green couch. Our current loveseat is a brownish gray and as our little apartment also lacks natural sunlight, the darkness of the color was something we wanted to step away from. Because our walls are painted with a very bland off-white, we had two options. One, we could repaint them and then repaint them again after moving out which just seems rather silly. Or we could make our bland walls work for us. How does this relate to our couch? Finding a light couch that didn't seem like a weird extension of our wall was more difficult than I anticipated. We could have gone with a gray color but we thought that it leave us feeling a bit drab.
As you know, I've had a very love/hate relationship with this apartment. Dave and I have lived here for over two years now and have yet to figure out a way to make this place work for us. When we decided to renew the lease it was under the condition that we actually gave this place a bit more of a personality. To help me do this, I turned to the book Apartment Therapy: The Eight Week Cure. It was written by the creator of apartmenttherapy.com. In his book, he suggested that we determine the feel we wanted for each of our room and what exactly we wanted to do in them. We decided that we wanted our living room to be a place where we could sit and relax as well as a room that can accommodate company.
With this in mind, I began thinking about colors. It was at this point that I thought a pale or light green sofa just might do the trick. The light colors didn't feel right and the browns all seemed to dark. The bright colors of IKEA also seemed too much for our little space. Dave had initially suggested a red couch which I would have been all about if our living room wasn't directly attached to our kitchen. According to color therapy, red is most often used in restaurants because it is said that we tend to associate the color with hunger. At least, here in the U.S. anyway. The last thing I needed was my couch unconsciously working against our desire to eat well. We have enough laziness and gluttony without any addition subconscious help. So in the end, we were thinking of a pale green or blue.
However, as we continued shopping I found that I wasn't thrilled with the shades of green offered and there was very little variety of blue. Over the past month of planning I've allowed myself to reconsider it all together. Today while walking in the outlet section of Jordan's we found a very comfortable brown couch for $400. It totally came in under our budget, it was a good size, and it was comfortable. The biggest downside was that it only came in brown. Despite our decision to continue walking through the rest of the store, we had decided that it would probably be our chosen one. It seemed very unlikely that we would find something else that fit the budget criteria. We were wrong! Not long after we found another super comfortable sofa for only $100 more. It also came in many different colors.
We sat and looked at the color squares for a bit until one of the sales people came over to us as asked if we needed assistance. We decided to get his opinion on the color. The first thing he said was "if you like the current color, we may have that in stock. Other colors may bring the cost up and could take up to four or six weeks to get it in. Guess which color the couch we happened to be sitting in was? Yes, it most definitely was a pale green very similar to what I had initially envisioned. Dave and I discussed it some more, looked around the rest of the store just to make sure there wasn't something we liked better, and decided that we were in fact going to buy it in the pale green. It will be coming home with us tomorrow! He is even having it sent to our local Jordan's so we don't have to drive all the way there to pick it up.
Because Jordan's is a local furniture chain, they run cool sports deals all the time. This year, I have one more big reason to root for our Boston Bruins. If they win the Stanley Cup this year, we will get this couch for free. They will actually write us a check for the purchase price. Go Bruins!!!
Saturday, November 26, 2011
A post about shopping two days after Thanksgiving- not entirely inappropriate
I got to hang out with Katie today. It's nice that just a simple dinner can help two people who haven't seen each other in months. She is doing well which is good to hear. I mean, I'd hope that if she wasn't then I would have heard about it prior to now. Anyway, I got the chance to check up with the happenings in her life and she bought me dinner for my birthday. Dinner seemed to go too quickly though and I was almost got myself a dessert just to linger a bit longer in the restaurant until she suggested to stop by the Jordan's Furniture store across the street.
We were able to continue talking about things and she showed me the couches that she and Jared really liked and were hoping to purchase at some point in the future. I told her that Dave and I were also looking for a potential sofa and we began sitting on couches to try them out. It was a lot of fun and I think I'll be dragging Dave there tomorrow. At first, I hadn't even considered Jordan's because I thought most of their sofas were too expensive. She initially asked if we had checked out the sofas at IKEA and I said I had but there is something about assembling my sofa myself which turns me off. I don't mind assembling my dressers, bed frame, bookshelves, desks, and tv stands. Those don't bother me. It just something about piecing together my sofa using Swedish instructions that I can't seem to reconcile in my brain. It's too bad really as they are inexpensive and look nice. There's a very good chance that I may change my mind when it comes to making the actual purchase though.
In the end, I need Dave's opinion. He is far more decisive about what he wants and what he doesn't so that helps. I look around, I like many different styles, then get overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices. There's a pressure to choose the right couch and make the right investment. Is it better to pay a bit more for something of better quality that will hopefully last longer? If so, how do I tell the difference and just how much is too much? Then, if I know myself, I finally decide on a particular one just slightly above the price I'm comfortable spending and while sitting in it I rethink the question and wonder if it really would be worth of if I should just save myself the money and go with something cheaper. When I shop, I usually leave with nothing except feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration.
I am not a shopper and I think about the things I buy way too much. This has actually caused me buyer's remorse because I think and talk myself out of the purchase. Unlike most people who spend many minutes twirling in the dress they just tried on or lounging in a potential new couch giving themselves enough time to justify the purchase. I spend my time angsting about the price or the possibility that I'll find something I like even more somewhere else or that it just isn't the right time to make this type of purchase, I should sleep on it. I do this, walk out without whatever it was and then spend possibly years regretting the fact that I passed it up and it's no longer available.
For example, when I was a freshman in college I found this absolutely gorgeous corset at King Richard's Faire with real boning and beautiful fabric that I could select to make my own customized article of clothing. I tried it on and I was super comfortable in it and it looked fabulous. Unlike many other corsets, it was pretty enough and gave me enough coverage that I could wear it as a top out in public (which was totally feasible when I was college). It was also $300. I don't think I had every spent $300 on any article of clothing before except perhaps my prom dress and I'm not sure if I even spent that much. It was relatively easy to talk myself out of the purchase. However, ever since then I've regretted it. I went back the next few years but the merchant didn't return. They had given me a card but I carelessly misplaced it not long after it was handed to me and despite Alli's incredible searching skills we couldn't find it. Since then, I've never really been able to buy any other corset. The $60 ones at Victoria Secret or Fredericks just don't seem to cut it; they seem too expensive and don't seem to offer a fourth of the quality.
Sadly, I do this far more than I realize. Especially with Etsy stuff. I find perfect gifts for someone but it just doesn't seem like the right time. I come up with some excuse as to not purchase it. I then spend the next couple of days thinking about it and decide that it actually is worth it and by the time I get back, someone else has already bought it. I feel super depressed because I'll never find anything else that was that perfect. It's a shame really. I understand that the opposite extreme is not the best choice as splurging on every that suits your fancy can do a good deal of damage to your funds but being too frugal can also be a problem.
We were able to continue talking about things and she showed me the couches that she and Jared really liked and were hoping to purchase at some point in the future. I told her that Dave and I were also looking for a potential sofa and we began sitting on couches to try them out. It was a lot of fun and I think I'll be dragging Dave there tomorrow. At first, I hadn't even considered Jordan's because I thought most of their sofas were too expensive. She initially asked if we had checked out the sofas at IKEA and I said I had but there is something about assembling my sofa myself which turns me off. I don't mind assembling my dressers, bed frame, bookshelves, desks, and tv stands. Those don't bother me. It just something about piecing together my sofa using Swedish instructions that I can't seem to reconcile in my brain. It's too bad really as they are inexpensive and look nice. There's a very good chance that I may change my mind when it comes to making the actual purchase though.
In the end, I need Dave's opinion. He is far more decisive about what he wants and what he doesn't so that helps. I look around, I like many different styles, then get overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices. There's a pressure to choose the right couch and make the right investment. Is it better to pay a bit more for something of better quality that will hopefully last longer? If so, how do I tell the difference and just how much is too much? Then, if I know myself, I finally decide on a particular one just slightly above the price I'm comfortable spending and while sitting in it I rethink the question and wonder if it really would be worth of if I should just save myself the money and go with something cheaper. When I shop, I usually leave with nothing except feelings of dissatisfaction and frustration.
I am not a shopper and I think about the things I buy way too much. This has actually caused me buyer's remorse because I think and talk myself out of the purchase. Unlike most people who spend many minutes twirling in the dress they just tried on or lounging in a potential new couch giving themselves enough time to justify the purchase. I spend my time angsting about the price or the possibility that I'll find something I like even more somewhere else or that it just isn't the right time to make this type of purchase, I should sleep on it. I do this, walk out without whatever it was and then spend possibly years regretting the fact that I passed it up and it's no longer available.
For example, when I was a freshman in college I found this absolutely gorgeous corset at King Richard's Faire with real boning and beautiful fabric that I could select to make my own customized article of clothing. I tried it on and I was super comfortable in it and it looked fabulous. Unlike many other corsets, it was pretty enough and gave me enough coverage that I could wear it as a top out in public (which was totally feasible when I was college). It was also $300. I don't think I had every spent $300 on any article of clothing before except perhaps my prom dress and I'm not sure if I even spent that much. It was relatively easy to talk myself out of the purchase. However, ever since then I've regretted it. I went back the next few years but the merchant didn't return. They had given me a card but I carelessly misplaced it not long after it was handed to me and despite Alli's incredible searching skills we couldn't find it. Since then, I've never really been able to buy any other corset. The $60 ones at Victoria Secret or Fredericks just don't seem to cut it; they seem too expensive and don't seem to offer a fourth of the quality.
Sadly, I do this far more than I realize. Especially with Etsy stuff. I find perfect gifts for someone but it just doesn't seem like the right time. I come up with some excuse as to not purchase it. I then spend the next couple of days thinking about it and decide that it actually is worth it and by the time I get back, someone else has already bought it. I feel super depressed because I'll never find anything else that was that perfect. It's a shame really. I understand that the opposite extreme is not the best choice as splurging on every that suits your fancy can do a good deal of damage to your funds but being too frugal can also be a problem.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Whine
I got home about an hour ago and have been putting of writing because I wasn't in a good mood. Irritated and annoyed from work, the fact that I needed to write a post and get to bed at a reasonable hour before work again tomorrow morning didn't help at all. Add that Dave is still not home from his high school reunion, and I just didn't want to have my writing be all complaints. But it's been an hour, Dave's still not home and it's it's almost 1 am so I thought, screw it.
Part of what makes this journal authentic is that I don't only write when things are going great. It's slowly transformed to documenting the present moment. If I'm feeling irritated, worried, depressed, I don't wait for it to pass before writing. Sometimes I write through it. Sometimes I just use the writing to vent and I need to continue processing it. I feel badly that my friends have to read these kinds of posts. I remember reading others' livejournal posts that were all whine, whine, whine, and I would find myself wanting for patience.
But this place here has really become about me. Here and in my therapist's office, I can allow my thoughts to flow unchecked. My nose hasn't stopped running all day and I feel like this is becoming an every other day occurrence. I'm taking my medicine so what the hell. I'm going to try to take my medicine and let this post be for now. Words have been typed and that's enough for me for now.
Part of what makes this journal authentic is that I don't only write when things are going great. It's slowly transformed to documenting the present moment. If I'm feeling irritated, worried, depressed, I don't wait for it to pass before writing. Sometimes I write through it. Sometimes I just use the writing to vent and I need to continue processing it. I feel badly that my friends have to read these kinds of posts. I remember reading others' livejournal posts that were all whine, whine, whine, and I would find myself wanting for patience.
But this place here has really become about me. Here and in my therapist's office, I can allow my thoughts to flow unchecked. My nose hasn't stopped running all day and I feel like this is becoming an every other day occurrence. I'm taking my medicine so what the hell. I'm going to try to take my medicine and let this post be for now. Words have been typed and that's enough for me for now.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful, fulfilling thanksgiving surrounded by family or friends. My day was lovely. Laura and Ben hosted it at their beautiful new home. They had to accommodate my silly work schedule so we ended up eating a Thanksgiving lunch rather than a dinner. So I'm super thankful for that. They prepared it, set the table, and did all the major cleaning because I had to leave early. I did attempt to wash some of the dishes right after dinner but they did most of the work. It really made me want to host it someday.
Out of all the holidays, I think Thanksgiving is my favorite. Of course, I love the 4th of July because primarily if due to the fireworks show on the esplanade in Boston. If that event were to cease, my appreciate for the holiday would go with it. However, this holiday is different for me. I like the story of the sharing from the native Americans (I wish the Pilgrims actually appreciated it and didn't kill them for it). I also like the modern day interpretation of it. I like the fact that today is a day to come together with your family or friends for the sole purpose of sharing a meal.
There aren't any presents that overshadow anything or twinkling lights or fireworks to enhance the day. It's just about sharing a meal with people you care about. It's a time of introspection and reflection. What are you thankful for? It actually somewhat saddens me that I had to work tonight. I really wanted to spend more time with my family. I felt like I just ate and left and didn't enjoy the intimate moments that happens within a family gathering. Luckily, my family is very close. We don't need this holiday to get together, eat, and enjoy each other's company.
In the end, I'm already beginning to plan a Friendsgiving for next year. As Christmas is Katie's favorite holiday, she hosts the Christmas party. Alli loves Halloween and she has started hosting the Halloween party. I was supposed to host the Thanksgiving party this year but between the wedding and then the immediate second job and the unfinished apartment, it was just too much for this year. Next year though, I'm already thinking about it. I'm getting ideas and I'm super excited to begin a new tradition among friends the way a Christmas party has become a celebrated tradition.
Happy thanksgiving to you all. I'm so thankful to have each of you in my life and I love you all immensely.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Putting myself out there
Happy Birthday to me! Last night before going to bed, I couldn't help but feel a bit nervous. Every year I worry that no one is going to wish my Happy Birthday on Facebook. Every year, that turns out to be unfounded but it always worries me. I asked Dave if that was a bad thing and he said yes. I guess he's right. I care way too much about what other people think.
That's the whole problem that I have with this whole new blog thing. I did post it today. You can read it at http://investinginliving.wordpress.com/. For my birthday, Dave bought be a domain name and the web hosting for the year. So within the next couple of days, you'll be able to find it at www.investinginliving.com. It's not up right now, but like I said, hopefully within the next couple of days. But, as I was saying, part of what is making me so nervous is that I care about what others are going to think of me. Why?
I also got the chance to discuss writing in general with Alli today. She gave me some really awesome advice and helped me changed my way of thinking. We talked about having works in progress and how you can revisit them and reevaluate what you've written at a later date. I seriously was under the misconception that she would wake up and just bust out amazing poems and prose. She's also going to let me borrow a book that has helped her the next time we see each other. I am so grateful for that conversation.
So yes, my post is out there and I made a post on Facebook for my friends to read it, if they want. I'm nervous, but as Alli says, you always have to be willing to learn and grow. I'm willing and this may be a great learning experience if nothing else.
That's the whole problem that I have with this whole new blog thing. I did post it today. You can read it at http://investinginliving.wordpress.com/. For my birthday, Dave bought be a domain name and the web hosting for the year. So within the next couple of days, you'll be able to find it at www.investinginliving.com. It's not up right now, but like I said, hopefully within the next couple of days. But, as I was saying, part of what is making me so nervous is that I care about what others are going to think of me. Why?
I also got the chance to discuss writing in general with Alli today. She gave me some really awesome advice and helped me changed my way of thinking. We talked about having works in progress and how you can revisit them and reevaluate what you've written at a later date. I seriously was under the misconception that she would wake up and just bust out amazing poems and prose. She's also going to let me borrow a book that has helped her the next time we see each other. I am so grateful for that conversation.
So yes, my post is out there and I made a post on Facebook for my friends to read it, if they want. I'm nervous, but as Alli says, you always have to be willing to learn and grow. I'm willing and this may be a great learning experience if nothing else.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Tomorrow
Dabey's grumpy. He's trying to make the text fit on the envelops and it's not going as smoothly as he hoped. Now, he wants me to choose who we should send them to tomorrow and who we can wait until tomorrow evening or Thursday morning. I am of the opinion that if they aren't all ready then we'll wait for them all to be completed and send them all out at once. He doesn't agree so he's now grumpily trying to fix them. He's really cute. It's late and it's probably more him being sleepy than grumpy but his response is cute nonetheless.
So, I'm getting ready to launch the new blog tomorrow. I've been planning to begin it on my birthday since before the wedding but now that it's almost here, I can't help but want to withdraw from that plan. Unlike this one, I want to post it more publicly. Allow people from Facebook to read it if they want. I want to feel comfortable giving it out and saying that it's my website. I don't feel that way about this one at all. Sure, I'll put more thought into the writing of the next one but in the end I'll just be showcasing how incredibly mediocre I am.
That's the truth. My writing is mediocre. My ideas and goals are mediocre. The artistic project I've prepared for my first entry along with my goals for the next year is downright amateur. Is that what I want to reveal to everyone? I put myself out there and I will be judged. Possibly harshly. I'm nervous. Maybe it's best to just keep my writings personal. No one else has to read it. No one else has to know about it. If no one knows about it, no one will read it, if no one will read it, then I can't be judged. Why does the idea of being judged on my writing skills scare me so much? I really wish it wouldn't.
So, I'm getting ready to launch the new blog tomorrow. I've been planning to begin it on my birthday since before the wedding but now that it's almost here, I can't help but want to withdraw from that plan. Unlike this one, I want to post it more publicly. Allow people from Facebook to read it if they want. I want to feel comfortable giving it out and saying that it's my website. I don't feel that way about this one at all. Sure, I'll put more thought into the writing of the next one but in the end I'll just be showcasing how incredibly mediocre I am.
That's the truth. My writing is mediocre. My ideas and goals are mediocre. The artistic project I've prepared for my first entry along with my goals for the next year is downright amateur. Is that what I want to reveal to everyone? I put myself out there and I will be judged. Possibly harshly. I'm nervous. Maybe it's best to just keep my writings personal. No one else has to read it. No one else has to know about it. If no one knows about it, no one will read it, if no one will read it, then I can't be judged. Why does the idea of being judged on my writing skills scare me so much? I really wish it wouldn't.
Monday, November 21, 2011
They just keep getting shorter
So after writing my post last night I tried to go to bed but ended up having a mini meltdown. Frustration just boiled over and it was terrible. As a result, I ended up calling into work today. Although, I initially felt guilty about it I really needed the extra day. I feel a lot better now and not so overwhelmed. I slept late and when I woke up took a stab at being productive. Unfortunately, most of that productivity required a lot of writing. I finished writing our thank you cards and I wrote the very first post I plan to post on my new blog. Therefore, now that I'm here trying to write this post, I feel like I'm at a loss.
It's now very late and I'm quite sleepy. To say, I want to go to work tomorrow would be a lie but I'm not dreading it anymore. I don't feel as trapped as I did last night. It's amazing what a single day can do. Wow, I'm struggling here for words and ideas. I just want to zone out and watch Work of Art before heading to bed and work my double tomorrow. Thank goodness that after tomorrow I will only have to work one job a day until next Monday. Alright yeah, I've written enough for the day. It's short but whatever.
It's now very late and I'm quite sleepy. To say, I want to go to work tomorrow would be a lie but I'm not dreading it anymore. I don't feel as trapped as I did last night. It's amazing what a single day can do. Wow, I'm struggling here for words and ideas. I just want to zone out and watch Work of Art before heading to bed and work my double tomorrow. Thank goodness that after tomorrow I will only have to work one job a day until next Monday. Alright yeah, I've written enough for the day. It's short but whatever.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Bleak
This post is going to be brief because I'm feeling tired and somewhat depressed. I'm not sure why I'm feeling depressed but I am and therefore, I really don't want to write for very long. No one wants to read the posts that are all "woe is me." At the moment, I'm feeling that way and I don't feel like I have any reason to complain because this was my choice. It was my choice to take on these two jobs and it was my choice to trade this weekend for next so I can't be all depressed about it.
Maybe this is too much. Working thirteen days straight, getting two days off only to do it all over again with just one day off. I was hoping this weekend would leave my feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on the next sprint but I'm not. I have zero desire to work a double tomorrow and Tuesday. I have zero desire to work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I have zero desire to work next Saturday and next Sunday and then have to do a regular week with no break. These two days weren't enough.
There's a large part of me that wants to just quit. Then I remember all the purchases that Dave and I want to make and I think of the loans and how far behind the eight ball we are. I can't quit. Not to mention that it would leave people completely stranded and I've already done three weeks. On the one hand, hearing that I wouldn't be hired for the long term was a good thing. I only have to do this for several more weeks. But on the other hand, there's a part of me that's thinking, "why bother?" It's not like it's going to pan out and I'll be able to work a normal schedule and cut back at my regular job.
I feel like I've made a big mistake taking both of these jobs on but what can I do? I've already committed. I just have to suck it up and deal. I'll get through it.
Maybe this is too much. Working thirteen days straight, getting two days off only to do it all over again with just one day off. I was hoping this weekend would leave my feeling rejuvenated and ready to take on the next sprint but I'm not. I have zero desire to work a double tomorrow and Tuesday. I have zero desire to work on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I have zero desire to work next Saturday and next Sunday and then have to do a regular week with no break. These two days weren't enough.
There's a large part of me that wants to just quit. Then I remember all the purchases that Dave and I want to make and I think of the loans and how far behind the eight ball we are. I can't quit. Not to mention that it would leave people completely stranded and I've already done three weeks. On the one hand, hearing that I wouldn't be hired for the long term was a good thing. I only have to do this for several more weeks. But on the other hand, there's a part of me that's thinking, "why bother?" It's not like it's going to pan out and I'll be able to work a normal schedule and cut back at my regular job.
I feel like I've made a big mistake taking both of these jobs on but what can I do? I've already committed. I just have to suck it up and deal. I'll get through it.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Goo Goo Dolls Concert!
So happy I don't have to work tomorrow morning!! We had such a great time at the concert. There were a few moments where I thought, "is this worth it?" After arriving super early, we stood around talking for a couple of hours and by the time the opening show came on my feet were killing me and it was horrifically hot. I did enjoy the opening act because the lead singer was decent but the entire band embody everything completely cliche about rock stars so I laughed more than normal.
It then took another half hour or forty five minutes before the Goo Goo Dolls came on stage and it only got warmer and more claustrophobic with each passing minute. The most annoying aspect of this was that every minute that went by, these giant men seemed to creep their way forward toward the stage. To secure our spot, we couldn't move and it became more difficult to talk among each other. This only increased my feelings of claustrophobia which was interesting as I'm not the type that feels claustrophobic often. Every year, I got to the 4th of July in Boston and don't feel it at all but there was something about this that just made me really uncomfortable.
So during that time standing around, I thought about it. What I came to was that if I can't see the sky then I'm more inclined to feel the claustrophobia. It's part of the reason I avoid malls at Christmastime. Every time I walk into a mall after black Friday, I can't stay in it for more than ten minutes. It doesn't take me long to feel hot and very anxious because people act weird during that time of year too. As if shopping is a passive aggressive battlefield with people nudging and pushing themselves around you to get whatever it is they are looking to buy.
It felt similar to that in the ballroom tonight. I was getting anxious and irritated by all the bumping and pushing forward. Finally though, the concert started and we realized just how close we were and it was amazing. Then after about three songs these two girls forced their way directly in front of me. Seriously, her hair kept brushing me in the face. Everyone around us was really upset and even the woman next to me scolded them telling them how rude they were to do that. They gave some kind of "oh well we were much closer but we had to go to the bathroom and this is just how it is at concerts." I was quietly seething but I didn't say anything despite the woman next to me telling me to stand up to them.
Of course, then my most wonderful husband took charge. He is so great at that. After the song ended, he pushed his way through them saying, "oh, what's that over there" the same way they did and pushed me ahead of them. They ended up stuck behind us and everyone around us was really happy about it but me especially. The guy next to us said that he thought Dave was amazing and later on in the night when he saw it happen again with two different girls said something. After they left, he looked at Dave and said, "you're my role model, man." Dave told me later that the woman who stood up for me gave him a "good for you" pat on the shoulder.
No one though was happier and prouder of him than me. There are many reasons why I fell in love with him but tonight was the perfect reminder of one of first pieces of him that I loved. He's not afraid to stand up for us and for himself to get what he/we wants and he deserves. It's also great because he does it with me too because I can be a demanding pain in the ass at times and he's not afraid to say, "NO." He's amazing. The Goo Goo Dolls were amazing. The night was amazing.
It then took another half hour or forty five minutes before the Goo Goo Dolls came on stage and it only got warmer and more claustrophobic with each passing minute. The most annoying aspect of this was that every minute that went by, these giant men seemed to creep their way forward toward the stage. To secure our spot, we couldn't move and it became more difficult to talk among each other. This only increased my feelings of claustrophobia which was interesting as I'm not the type that feels claustrophobic often. Every year, I got to the 4th of July in Boston and don't feel it at all but there was something about this that just made me really uncomfortable.
So during that time standing around, I thought about it. What I came to was that if I can't see the sky then I'm more inclined to feel the claustrophobia. It's part of the reason I avoid malls at Christmastime. Every time I walk into a mall after black Friday, I can't stay in it for more than ten minutes. It doesn't take me long to feel hot and very anxious because people act weird during that time of year too. As if shopping is a passive aggressive battlefield with people nudging and pushing themselves around you to get whatever it is they are looking to buy.
It felt similar to that in the ballroom tonight. I was getting anxious and irritated by all the bumping and pushing forward. Finally though, the concert started and we realized just how close we were and it was amazing. Then after about three songs these two girls forced their way directly in front of me. Seriously, her hair kept brushing me in the face. Everyone around us was really upset and even the woman next to me scolded them telling them how rude they were to do that. They gave some kind of "oh well we were much closer but we had to go to the bathroom and this is just how it is at concerts." I was quietly seething but I didn't say anything despite the woman next to me telling me to stand up to them.
Of course, then my most wonderful husband took charge. He is so great at that. After the song ended, he pushed his way through them saying, "oh, what's that over there" the same way they did and pushed me ahead of them. They ended up stuck behind us and everyone around us was really happy about it but me especially. The guy next to us said that he thought Dave was amazing and later on in the night when he saw it happen again with two different girls said something. After they left, he looked at Dave and said, "you're my role model, man." Dave told me later that the woman who stood up for me gave him a "good for you" pat on the shoulder.
No one though was happier and prouder of him than me. There are many reasons why I fell in love with him but tonight was the perfect reminder of one of first pieces of him that I loved. He's not afraid to stand up for us and for himself to get what he/we wants and he deserves. It's also great because he does it with me too because I can be a demanding pain in the ass at times and he's not afraid to say, "NO." He's amazing. The Goo Goo Dolls were amazing. The night was amazing.
Friday, November 18, 2011
More work postings
I have the weekend off this weekend, thank goodness. I've just finished thirteen days of work straight and I needed a break. Unfortunately, I think I've caught what's going around the office which is a terrible head cold. It's been sneezing and sniffling all day. Thank goodness I have the weekend off to recover. Tomorrow night Dave and I are joining a couple of the groomsmen at a Goo Goo Dolls concert. They're playing at our local beach! How cool is that? They are one of our favorite bands and I'm super excited. The best part? I won't have early Sunday work lingering over me over the night. I can sleep in!
However, aside from the concert, all I want is to stay home and do nothing. I just want to sit here and relax and sleep. Funny how working so much does that. It doesn't appear that this current day job is going to last. Probably not much longer than January if it goes that long. My boss went to the president of the company to ask to bring me on permanently and I overheard her talking to the person who I would have to interview with saying that the president didn't really want to hire me permanently. It sounded like he approved beyond December for a couple of weeks but didn't really feel like we have enough business ventures to hire me full time. She shut the door for the rest of the conversation but I heard enough.
The way I'm feeling now, I'm really not that disappointed by it. Working these two jobs is difficult and exhausting at times so I don't know if I could do it all year. Plus, I'm not 100% sure that this company is where I want to be or where I should be. I tend to not believe in fate but my opinion of this is of the idea that "what's meant to happen will happen." If I continue with it then I'm there to gain the more experience. If not, I head back home and I do some more self discovery to determine which direction I want to head in. Who knows? Maybe I'll find another temp job at a different company and I see gather even more experience or be introduced to another type of work.
I can't deny that this job is taking it's toll so not keeping it may be the best.
For now though, I'm just going to stay present and enjoy this weekend. Sniffles and all.
However, aside from the concert, all I want is to stay home and do nothing. I just want to sit here and relax and sleep. Funny how working so much does that. It doesn't appear that this current day job is going to last. Probably not much longer than January if it goes that long. My boss went to the president of the company to ask to bring me on permanently and I overheard her talking to the person who I would have to interview with saying that the president didn't really want to hire me permanently. It sounded like he approved beyond December for a couple of weeks but didn't really feel like we have enough business ventures to hire me full time. She shut the door for the rest of the conversation but I heard enough.
The way I'm feeling now, I'm really not that disappointed by it. Working these two jobs is difficult and exhausting at times so I don't know if I could do it all year. Plus, I'm not 100% sure that this company is where I want to be or where I should be. I tend to not believe in fate but my opinion of this is of the idea that "what's meant to happen will happen." If I continue with it then I'm there to gain the more experience. If not, I head back home and I do some more self discovery to determine which direction I want to head in. Who knows? Maybe I'll find another temp job at a different company and I see gather even more experience or be introduced to another type of work.
I can't deny that this job is taking it's toll so not keeping it may be the best.
For now though, I'm just going to stay present and enjoy this weekend. Sniffles and all.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
More updates
Posting early tonight. Hoping I will finish before dinner is ready. My worries seemed to be a bit unfounded. My boss is completely aware that I am unable to just take on the role but is more than willing to work with me to teach/learn together what the other girl did. We spent the majority of the cleaning up. Our IT department was able to retrieve all the deleted messages that were in her inbox and we worked together to respond to those that needed a response. We also organized her office and prioritized the people we need to focus on. Once her old office was organized, I went to make desk and completely reorganized that as well.
Then of course, I came home and wanted to do it here. I got as far as doing one load of laundry and realized that I was done. I helped Dave chop the peppers for our calzones but then gave up on that too while he finished it. I have such a great husband. So now, I'm on the couch typing away. Eventually I'll have to fold the laundry but I am completely content with just sitting here for now. I'm going to try and actually get some of the things that I've been wanting to do right now. You know, instead of just mindlessly zoning into the internet. I'm hoping to get enough done so that I don't feel guilty for going to bed a bit early.
So, I'm going to do that now. These have been short posts recently but that's okay.
Then of course, I came home and wanted to do it here. I got as far as doing one load of laundry and realized that I was done. I helped Dave chop the peppers for our calzones but then gave up on that too while he finished it. I have such a great husband. So now, I'm on the couch typing away. Eventually I'll have to fold the laundry but I am completely content with just sitting here for now. I'm going to try and actually get some of the things that I've been wanting to do right now. You know, instead of just mindlessly zoning into the internet. I'm hoping to get enough done so that I don't feel guilty for going to bed a bit early.
So, I'm going to do that now. These have been short posts recently but that's okay.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Work changes
The girl who was handling the whole recruitment of nurses at my job just got up and left this afternoon. What is it with the jobs that I end up in where people just walk out? I didn't really expect this kind of lack of professionalism in the workplace. A part of me is worried about her though. What if something is wrong? I found her on Facebook and sent her a message but I don't know if she'll respond. I'm also slightly anxious about what's to come as I was brought in to support her. Something tells me I'm going to be taking on more of her roles which would be okay if I had a better idea what I was doing and she didn't delete all of her e-mails prior to leaving.
Needless to say, this afternoon was super stressful. Thank goodness I didn't need to go into work tonight too. I was all flustered by the end of the afternoon. I came home and put myself under my headphones and disappeared which was an interesting sign. It's what I always did when I felt overwhelmed by something. It's what I used to do anyway before the panic attacks came on but I felt okay with it today. So yeah, I'm nervous and reluctant and I don't know. I want to be able to step up and impress but I'm also afraid of disappointing. I'm afraid that my boss might expect more than I have the knowledge and ability to deliver. There are a lot of feelings flowing through me right now and I don't want to deal with them.
In fact, I'm going to stop writing now. Dave is going to show me something on excel that I can hopefully use tomorrow to get one of my projects done more quickly.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Busy
I can't even begin to explain how tired I am right now. It's been a busy day and I'm half glad that it's over and half bummed that I still have to wake up and work eight more hours before I can have some time just to relax. It's strange for the first seven hours I felt like I was mastering the art of looking busy. I had some tasks to do but really I was waiting for my boss to get back to me on work that I had already done. I needed more input and critique and the go ahead to take the next step and she was busy doing many other things. That is until just before four when she came out frantically and was like, "we need this now." Then it became a mad dash to put everything together and try to get it out. She was really cool about it though. She knew that it had nothing to do with me and had she given me what I needed, it would've been done much earlier. Really, I was just glad that it was ready to go. It makes me kind of nervous about tomorrow as I don't quite know what I'll be walking into and there so much I need to go over with her and she's only one person.
My second job was crazy tonight too. One of our biggest banks completely upgraded their systems over the weekend and it has been a downright fiasco. I sent an e-mail yesterday documenting it all and when I got in and nothing had changed and nothing was noted, I brought it back up and suddenly it was like "what? I didn't know this was happening!" A part of me wanted to remind her that I did send an e-mail about it but I know how easy it is to overlook something when you're being inundated all day. At least they know about it now and e-mails have been sent. Sure, I had to field a ton of calls that I couldn't assist with and I felt really badly because this affected their debit cards and checking accounts. It's one thing when it happens with credit cards--that money is not technically theirs. It's a whole different story when this is hard earned money and real bills that need to be paid and are being interrupted because the bank can't get their crap together. What makes me feel even worse is that they have all been really decent about it. I was only yelled a couple times and considering the situation, I expected it to be a whole lot more.
On the bright side the craziness at the end of the day and throughout the night made the evening go by quickly. Now I just need to get through tomorrow and maybe crash around 9 or 10 to catch up. We'll see. Right now, though I need to get some sleep. It's so much later than I want it to be and the morning is going to come so much faster than I want it.
My second job was crazy tonight too. One of our biggest banks completely upgraded their systems over the weekend and it has been a downright fiasco. I sent an e-mail yesterday documenting it all and when I got in and nothing had changed and nothing was noted, I brought it back up and suddenly it was like "what? I didn't know this was happening!" A part of me wanted to remind her that I did send an e-mail about it but I know how easy it is to overlook something when you're being inundated all day. At least they know about it now and e-mails have been sent. Sure, I had to field a ton of calls that I couldn't assist with and I felt really badly because this affected their debit cards and checking accounts. It's one thing when it happens with credit cards--that money is not technically theirs. It's a whole different story when this is hard earned money and real bills that need to be paid and are being interrupted because the bank can't get their crap together. What makes me feel even worse is that they have all been really decent about it. I was only yelled a couple times and considering the situation, I expected it to be a whole lot more.
On the bright side the craziness at the end of the day and throughout the night made the evening go by quickly. Now I just need to get through tomorrow and maybe crash around 9 or 10 to catch up. We'll see. Right now, though I need to get some sleep. It's so much later than I want it to be and the morning is going to come so much faster than I want it.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Ideas
Today was a day full of ideas and my productivity at both jobs was a bit lackluster but I don't think anyone noticed. I'm really not wanting to work either job tomorrow at all. I want to flush out these ideas and play with them and make them something a bit more just something amorphously floating around in my head. I want to get them out before I loose them back to the abyss. I swear that ideas come and go as they please. You can only be open to receive they come. Sometimes it feels like I'm waiting in a large group of people for a glimpse of a celebrity because you heard a whisper that they might come around. I stand there waiting for hours and finally the celebrity walks by and I struggle to get my camera out of my bag to capture a shot. It's happens very quickly and people are pushing and pulling at me. Finally when I get home I take a look at the shot. It's blurry but I've captured them in that instant.
I've tried to write them down as they entered my brain but I couldn't get into them because I was at work. Sometimes I feel like I have to be relatively busy for these kinds of ideas to invade my mind. It's exciting though. I like feeling like I'm giving a bit more depth those very few thoughts that came up a while ago and I didn't have too much time to entertain. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here but I am thinking about trying to blog again. This is not a blog. It's a personal journal where I write on a daily basis about nothing most of the time. When I do write, my posts are rarely focused. What I think gets written with little censorship or editing or intent. Of course, that's not to say that this new "blog" will amount to anything but I want to make a valid effort. It will still be really personal and all about me as I'm that vain and really just lack a distinct topic.
See that paragraph. That's what I mean by this blog lacks direction. It's a bunch of rambling. I want more than that for the next one. I'll still write here because I am free to babble about nothing. Obviously, I'm having a difficult time explaining the "why" I want to do this. Today I began to flush out some of the topics I want to write about but I've yet to fully narrow it down. I think that once I figure out my "why" I'll find that piece that ties it all together. I'm on my way, I think. I'm just reluctant to say it out loud. To say it out loud means that it stands to be judged. That will be my biggest hurdle with the next blog. There's a very good chance I'll write the entry and then not feel like it will be good enough to post but I need to get over that if I choose to go through with it.
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Productive
I think tonight is going to be a quick post if only because I'm not in the mood. I've been pretty productive today despite working 8 hours and taking a 2 hour nap. Dave and I finally bought me an iphone. I don't have it yet (if I'm lucky, I'll get it by Thursday) but it's ordered and paid for so I should be getting it soon. Dave's been really funny. For the past two weeks, Dave has been hounding me to purchase the new phone. It's been a whole slew of, "want to go to the Verizon store? Should we pick up your iphone today? Look at this phone cutie, you need a new one." However, today when he mentioned it, I didn't discard it and we actually went. Of course, he was right. Now that it's on order, I want it now. Maybe because I've paid for it and the tough part of it for me is now out of the way. So now, I wait.
In addition to a new iphone purchase I also wrote out 16 thank yous. Like the last time I wrote them on a separate paper. This seems the pressure of making sure what I write is what I want the first time around. So now that it's slightly more than half to go but I wrote all the big ones today so the others shouldn't be quite as intense or time consuming. My hope is that I get them all out by next Monday or Tuesday so that they will arrive at people's homes just in time for Thanksgiving. Maybe it's somewhat cheesy but "thank you" cards on Thanksgiving seems like a nice touch on our part. My mother told me that tradition actually dictates that we have a full year to get our thank yous out before seeming rude but to me that's insane. Why wait a full year? Especially when you could write them while the experience is still very fresh in your mind.
Finally, I also just finished up looking at our debt payoff time frame. Look for those of you who think I'm a bit obsessed, I find the whole playing with numbers thing oddly comforting and I really like the idea of it disappearing. It's also a huge motivator after eight days straight of work with another 5 to go including two more double shifts. I need this sort of motivation or else I'd never be able to get through it. Luckily, I found that if I work these two jobs until the end of January Dave and I will be in pretty decent shape by the end of 2012 which is even more comforting. Of course, I do hope to do a bit more than just one month of two jobs but it's a start. There's no guarantee with my day job so I need to be prepared for it end. This also means, lots and lots of budgeting and saving needs to occur within the next year. We'll have to see if we're up for it.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Work
Work felt really creepy tonight. After 9pm, the girl I was working with went home and I spent the last two hours alone in the office. Normally this doesn't bother me but tonight it did. It might have to do with my desk being moved. Where it's located now, prevents me from being able to see the entrance and I kept hearing things that made me think I wasn't alone. Luckily, I didn't need to go to the bathroom because in order to do that I need to leave the security of our particular office. The whole building is locked but that hasn't prevented me from seeing stranger lingering in the hall late at night. It's disconcerting sometimes. Dave actually drove to make sure I walked out okay which was comforting because for whatever reason the security on Saturdays is terrible and I normally end up walking into the empty parking lot by myself. Anyone could grab me and no one would see or know I needed help. I wish I was better suited to protect myself but even a blackbelt in karate can't prevent someone from shooting them.
Anyway, it's all good now. I'm home and I'm safe and Dave was there. That's what matters. It stinks that in less than seven hours I'll be back there what can I do? I did agree to this afterall. I felt really good today and I think that's because I was able to catch up on some sleep. I had a ton of energy at work which turned out to be a good thing because our fraud monitoring systems was being a pain. I get that it's there to help prevent fraud and the majority of time, it works well but sometimes it's just inconvenient for everyone. For example, I understand why it would block a card after seeing 15 back to back transactions at Macys. Yes, this couple made 15 separate transactions over $150 each when they called in because there card was blocked they said that they were in making purchases in different departments. I didn't know Macys had 15 departments and I actually asked her if she knew that she could make purchases from one department in another? She had some reason or other for the multiple purchases but said that she would consolidate her purchases next time.
I understand that being a reason to block the card or when $15,000 is spent in a jewelry store. That's not normal behavior. That is a bit suspicious. However, when someone calls the bank, tells them that they will be traveling in Florida, and then has to call in a ton of times while they're there to unblock their card, that's just not okay. What's worse, is that there really isn't even a decent reason for the card being block that I can tell them so they just end up yelling at me. So many times I want to say that it makes me just as angry because I hate answering the phone and listening to people yell at me because our system is stupid. I want to tell them that I hate it too and I wish they would change it as much as they do. I want to tell them to get a different bank but I can't.
With Christmas around the corner this will become more and more frequent. If it was up to me, I'd allow any transactions in Florida, New York City, and Boston to go through without question for all of our Bermuda and Cayman island clients. It's where they go every year. They come to Boston and New York all the time but it triples when Christmas comes. They arrive and spend thousands of dollars. Not hundreds, thousands. I do think that I will ask them how they get all the gifts back home this year. Do they really bring thousands of dollars of gifts back on the plane with them? Do the merchants ship back to their homes in Bermuda? I can't imagine how they go about doing it. I really wish I could ask them what I really want to know: what do you do for a living? We joke about how we want to make that one of our "identification" questions. Can I have your name? Your mother's maiden name? What's your occupation? Sadly, I can't ask that. I just wish I could ask what they did for a living because I would really like to get in on that.
Anyway, it's all good now. I'm home and I'm safe and Dave was there. That's what matters. It stinks that in less than seven hours I'll be back there what can I do? I did agree to this afterall. I felt really good today and I think that's because I was able to catch up on some sleep. I had a ton of energy at work which turned out to be a good thing because our fraud monitoring systems was being a pain. I get that it's there to help prevent fraud and the majority of time, it works well but sometimes it's just inconvenient for everyone. For example, I understand why it would block a card after seeing 15 back to back transactions at Macys. Yes, this couple made 15 separate transactions over $150 each when they called in because there card was blocked they said that they were in making purchases in different departments. I didn't know Macys had 15 departments and I actually asked her if she knew that she could make purchases from one department in another? She had some reason or other for the multiple purchases but said that she would consolidate her purchases next time.
I understand that being a reason to block the card or when $15,000 is spent in a jewelry store. That's not normal behavior. That is a bit suspicious. However, when someone calls the bank, tells them that they will be traveling in Florida, and then has to call in a ton of times while they're there to unblock their card, that's just not okay. What's worse, is that there really isn't even a decent reason for the card being block that I can tell them so they just end up yelling at me. So many times I want to say that it makes me just as angry because I hate answering the phone and listening to people yell at me because our system is stupid. I want to tell them that I hate it too and I wish they would change it as much as they do. I want to tell them to get a different bank but I can't.
With Christmas around the corner this will become more and more frequent. If it was up to me, I'd allow any transactions in Florida, New York City, and Boston to go through without question for all of our Bermuda and Cayman island clients. It's where they go every year. They come to Boston and New York all the time but it triples when Christmas comes. They arrive and spend thousands of dollars. Not hundreds, thousands. I do think that I will ask them how they get all the gifts back home this year. Do they really bring thousands of dollars of gifts back on the plane with them? Do the merchants ship back to their homes in Bermuda? I can't imagine how they go about doing it. I really wish I could ask them what I really want to know: what do you do for a living? We joke about how we want to make that one of our "identification" questions. Can I have your name? Your mother's maiden name? What's your occupation? Sadly, I can't ask that. I just wish I could ask what they did for a living because I would really like to get in on that.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Short post
I got the night off tonight. I'm so excited about it. Unfortunately, I totally forgot that I agreed to work tomorrow night way back before the wedding. This is the second time I've completely forgotten about a Saturday I agreed to from before the wedding. Luckily this is the last one. Really, what I'm regretting most about this Saturday is the fact that I have to work until 11 and then wake up again to be at work for 7am. I hate that. Especially when I'll have a week of work all week next week. Ah, well. I won't make that choice again while I have this other job.
Dave and I decided to go and walk around IKEA tonight. We are thinking about redecorating and making this place something worth wanting to come home to so we went tonight to get some ideas. Because it was going out of stock we did decide to buy an additional shelf for our bathroom. I'm tired of not having enough storage in there but it's so tiny that we can't even buy one of those things that goes over the toilet. However, our little shelf is cute and I'm excited to put it up.
These have been short posts recently, I know but I feel as if I have very little to say. Maybe it's because I'm spending so much time thinking. I'm thinking all the time and it can be exhausting. But I got my second check and I'm convinced that I can continue this; at least until the end of January anyway.
Dave and I decided to go and walk around IKEA tonight. We are thinking about redecorating and making this place something worth wanting to come home to so we went tonight to get some ideas. Because it was going out of stock we did decide to buy an additional shelf for our bathroom. I'm tired of not having enough storage in there but it's so tiny that we can't even buy one of those things that goes over the toilet. However, our little shelf is cute and I'm excited to put it up.
These have been short posts recently, I know but I feel as if I have very little to say. Maybe it's because I'm spending so much time thinking. I'm thinking all the time and it can be exhausting. But I got my second check and I'm convinced that I can continue this; at least until the end of January anyway.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Therapy
I went to my first therapy appointment since before the wedding today. I must say, it's really nice to work at a job that cares more about getting the work finished than it does to micro-managing its employees. It was really cool to tell my boss that I may have to take an hour lunch and that I would be willing to make it up at the end of the day. She told me not to worry about it and take what I needed. Of course, I worked the half hour later tonight anyway because I felt badly but still, I was able to go to my appointment without feeling guilty about it.
Anyway, I went into my appointment wondering what I was going to talk about with her today. It's funny how some of my best therapy sessions come from my walking in without any type of talking points. Since I'm working two jobs now and I was technically on my lunch break, we of course began to discuss that. Because I have serious issues with everything that happened way back then I immediately got all upset and began to discuss how much I didn't want to talk about it. At a certain point, I stopped and said something like, "I sort of talking about it now, I guess, but not really." She then made the comment that we are in "contemplation" mode as opposed to "pre-contemplation" mode which is where I was with this a few months ago.
She asked me some really pertinent questions which I will have to really think about over the next few weeks. I need to take the time to process everything that happened during our session; let it all seep in. Gosh, I've missed my therapist. She seriously awesome.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Good things
Dave is telling me I have to write my post before we can go snuggle in the bedroom. So here I am. I actually meant to write when I got home earlier today but then where did I end up? Facebook of course. Seriously, it's like a black hole and just sucks in all time then all of a sudden I'm feeling tired and ready to snuggle and watch a movie and it's already 8pm. Seriously, it's such a huge waste of time but I really can't help myself sometimes. Thankfully, I've successfully managed to avoid twitter somehow.
I actually got to talk to Alli for a bit online today which was awesome as I've been thinking about her recently. It's November which means it's NANOWRIMO time and it's always something that makes me think of her. Oddly enough, I didn't ask her if she was writing this year as we got distracted discussing other big things going on in her life. She is doing really well and it just makes me so happy. I'm not going to go into her life here as it's not up to me to share but I am just really proud of her.
Things appear to be going well on the work front for me. I am really enjoying my job and just got word that my boss might be able to get me extended through January. She spoke with a person from my temp agency and said that it would cost them a pretty penny to keep me on but that she's pretty sure they are going to for at least January. She's trying to talk to the company owners about it anyway. Honestly, that's enough for me. I'm really glad I've taken this job. I'm getting a lot of positive reinforcement and it's something I needed.
It's something I'll discuss at a later date. I do want to hang out with Dave but more so, I don't want to jinx any of this.
I actually got to talk to Alli for a bit online today which was awesome as I've been thinking about her recently. It's November which means it's NANOWRIMO time and it's always something that makes me think of her. Oddly enough, I didn't ask her if she was writing this year as we got distracted discussing other big things going on in her life. She is doing really well and it just makes me so happy. I'm not going to go into her life here as it's not up to me to share but I am just really proud of her.
Things appear to be going well on the work front for me. I am really enjoying my job and just got word that my boss might be able to get me extended through January. She spoke with a person from my temp agency and said that it would cost them a pretty penny to keep me on but that she's pretty sure they are going to for at least January. She's trying to talk to the company owners about it anyway. Honestly, that's enough for me. I'm really glad I've taken this job. I'm getting a lot of positive reinforcement and it's something I needed.
It's something I'll discuss at a later date. I do want to hang out with Dave but more so, I don't want to jinx any of this.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Blabbering
Alright I figure I need to do this whole writing thing. I was feeling pretty good until the last hour or hour and a half of work and then my mood just plummeted and now I'm feeling irritated and annoyed but I'm not really sure why. I'm sure I could come up with plenty of excuses but in reality I think I'm just feeling more bummed that I only just got home and I'm going to have to go to bed in twenty minutes or so. For the first time since I started this second job, I'm really missing that little bit of time that I used to just sit and do my own thing, no matter how mundane and unproductive it may be.
Speaking of doing something productive, I have a list of things I need to get done by the time my birthday comes around and I have very little motivation to do any of it. Okay, that's a lie. I can't do any of it right now as I'm writing this post and I don't have enough time. It's also the annoyance and tiredness talking. Ah well, that's enough complaining and bitching for now. It's not getting me anywhere.
On the more positive side, our thank you notes are almost ready to be written on. I wrote a little bit of nothing earlier today and I really enjoyed the feeling of the pen against the paper. Hopefully when I go to write each of the thank yous it will feel somewhat similar. Is it bad that there's a large part of my that just wants to write something generic to everyone? Of course, I won't. Everyone who was there deserves something handwritten and personalized just for them especially since their generosity was so far beyond what we ever expected. Yes, the thank you cards will be a task for my Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Not the most glamorous way to spend my two nights off but I'll feel so much better about it once I'm done.
Okay, the clock tolls midnight and magical carriage is once again a pumpkin. Good night all.
Speaking of doing something productive, I have a list of things I need to get done by the time my birthday comes around and I have very little motivation to do any of it. Okay, that's a lie. I can't do any of it right now as I'm writing this post and I don't have enough time. It's also the annoyance and tiredness talking. Ah well, that's enough complaining and bitching for now. It's not getting me anywhere.
On the more positive side, our thank you notes are almost ready to be written on. I wrote a little bit of nothing earlier today and I really enjoyed the feeling of the pen against the paper. Hopefully when I go to write each of the thank yous it will feel somewhat similar. Is it bad that there's a large part of my that just wants to write something generic to everyone? Of course, I won't. Everyone who was there deserves something handwritten and personalized just for them especially since their generosity was so far beyond what we ever expected. Yes, the thank you cards will be a task for my Wednesday and Thursday evenings. Not the most glamorous way to spend my two nights off but I'll feel so much better about it once I'm done.
Okay, the clock tolls midnight and magical carriage is once again a pumpkin. Good night all.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Okay, this is going to be a super fast post. My bed is practically screaming for me. It's nice to feel so wanted by an inanimate object but I'm struggling with my desire and my goals. Funny how those two things can conflict at times even when what you desire long term is your goal. I don't know if I'm making any sense but so be it. It's words on a screen and I'm typing them; therefore, I am happy and satisfied. I must say though, I miss my daily internet reads and pinterest pinning and all those casual waste of time things I used to do.
You know what I don't miss? Facebook. I don't miss it at all. Not even a little bit. I've logged in for all of twenty minutes or so in the past week and it feels great. It's hard to explain but as much as I love seeing how people are doing and looking at their pictures, keeping tabs on people was never really something I enjoyed doing. I live my life and they are living theirs and that's okay. Plus, I'll be honest. I always end up at people's pages who just don't make me feel good about myself. I somehow find myself on someone's page wishing I was as successful or as pretty or feeling like I want be a part of something I'm not.
It's just not healthy. Facebook has numerous, numerous benefits and I'm very happy it exists but I definitely feel like for me, it's something I need to peruse and post in moderation. I'd definitely be interested in taking some type of course or doing some type of study on the psychological implications Facebook has on one's concept of self. Our parents didn't grow up keeping track of their high school and college peers lives that no longer intersect with theirs. Sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing. Maybe it's just because I have a hard time letting go of certain things in general and Facebook is sometimes a terrible reminder of things that I should have gotten over a long, long time ago.
I was talking to one of my coworkers today about it and she's not that much younger than me but she loves it. She didn't understand why I was so content to avoid it. Of course, I didn't get into of the things I just mentioned so maybe she'd get that. Or maybe it's just me. I've come to the unsettling realization that sometimes I'm the only one with weird negative thoughts and I'm okay with that. It doesn't matter if I'm the only one with them or not. What matters is that it's my reality and if I feel better not being on Facebook everyday then I will continue to entertain it in some doses.
You know what I don't miss? Facebook. I don't miss it at all. Not even a little bit. I've logged in for all of twenty minutes or so in the past week and it feels great. It's hard to explain but as much as I love seeing how people are doing and looking at their pictures, keeping tabs on people was never really something I enjoyed doing. I live my life and they are living theirs and that's okay. Plus, I'll be honest. I always end up at people's pages who just don't make me feel good about myself. I somehow find myself on someone's page wishing I was as successful or as pretty or feeling like I want be a part of something I'm not.
It's just not healthy. Facebook has numerous, numerous benefits and I'm very happy it exists but I definitely feel like for me, it's something I need to peruse and post in moderation. I'd definitely be interested in taking some type of course or doing some type of study on the psychological implications Facebook has on one's concept of self. Our parents didn't grow up keeping track of their high school and college peers lives that no longer intersect with theirs. Sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing. Maybe it's just because I have a hard time letting go of certain things in general and Facebook is sometimes a terrible reminder of things that I should have gotten over a long, long time ago.
I was talking to one of my coworkers today about it and she's not that much younger than me but she loves it. She didn't understand why I was so content to avoid it. Of course, I didn't get into of the things I just mentioned so maybe she'd get that. Or maybe it's just me. I've come to the unsettling realization that sometimes I'm the only one with weird negative thoughts and I'm okay with that. It doesn't matter if I'm the only one with them or not. What matters is that it's my reality and if I feel better not being on Facebook everyday then I will continue to entertain it in some doses.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Words and weddings
Holy Cow, I'm tired. Despite getting the extra hour of sleep tonight, I woke up in terrible shape. I have no idea why I was so tired but the whole day, I just sort of felt out of it. I'm really glad it's quarter of eleven though and not quarter to midnight. I can write this post and head to bed. Problem is, I'm not really sure what to write about. All I can think about is how tired I feel and how I don't want to think at all. Formulating sentences and choosing words seems like such an arduous task.
So what to say. I brought home some of the gifts that we got from the wedding finally. We picked them up from my parents house today after watching the Giants and Pats game. Johnny joined us because he really likes my parents and we had a pretty good time. I wished I understood more about football so I could participate in the conversation a bit more but that's okay. For me, one of the best parts of the night was going to pick up dinner with my sister while everyone else stayed home and watched the game. We got to talk about some of the ideas that she was thinking about regarding the future wedding.
I'm really excited for her! It's really cool to see her so happy and excited as well. Of course, she will need more prep time for the wedding so that she can rebuild her savings now that they've just bought the house but it gives her a lot of time to really determine what she wants. There's something about planning a wedding that is just so special. I can't help but wonder, is it similar when someone gets pregnant. A lot of people my age have had babies but I've never been close enough to any of them to really travel through the experience with them; you know with the baby shower and the tossing around of names.
So what to say. I brought home some of the gifts that we got from the wedding finally. We picked them up from my parents house today after watching the Giants and Pats game. Johnny joined us because he really likes my parents and we had a pretty good time. I wished I understood more about football so I could participate in the conversation a bit more but that's okay. For me, one of the best parts of the night was going to pick up dinner with my sister while everyone else stayed home and watched the game. We got to talk about some of the ideas that she was thinking about regarding the future wedding.
I'm really excited for her! It's really cool to see her so happy and excited as well. Of course, she will need more prep time for the wedding so that she can rebuild her savings now that they've just bought the house but it gives her a lot of time to really determine what she wants. There's something about planning a wedding that is just so special. I can't help but wonder, is it similar when someone gets pregnant. A lot of people my age have had babies but I've never been close enough to any of them to really travel through the experience with them; you know with the baby shower and the tossing around of names.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Laura's Day
Sometimes the timing is just right. It's funny how things work out both in small and large cases. Today was all about my sister and I really couldn't be happy for her though I do wish I had gotten there earlier to help out more. Laura and Ben moved into their new house today and they made a wonderful choice. Until today, I had only seen the outside and I was excited to see it in its entirety. However, this morning when I woke up this afternoon (yes, these long hours did take their toll) I almost decided against going. In the end though, I wanted to be there and we drove up.
Their house is beautiful. It's brand new and it has everything that she wanted in a house including her brand new kitchen with granite counter tops and plenty of closets. I don't think I've ever seen so many closest! I have no clue what she's going to put in all of those but that's okay. It's actually a duplex and the family next door is adorable. They have a six year old, a four year old, and a nine month old who are the cutest children I've seen in a long time. My dad and the six year old boy played with a ball while we talked with them for a bit. People always underestimate how important the neighbors are-- they can make the dream home a nightmare and a home that might be considered a nightmare a dream. I'm so glad they seem to be good people.
Eventually it was getting late and everyone was tired and hungry so we left them to their home for the night and decided to get a quick bite to eat. Dave and I actually intended to go right home and pick something up on the way but at the last minute decided to go to Friendly's with my parents where we had the nicest waiter ever. Really, he was awesome! We then went back home briefly to finish our conversation and just as we were about to leave, my mom received a phone call. It was late but it didn't concern me because my sister is always calling with some sort of random question or another.
However, almost immediately I realized that she was calling to tell us that she and Ben got engaged!!! That's right, Ben will officially be my brother in law. Honestly, I felt that he was for a long time now but he will be it for real. I couldn't be happier for them. They are a great couple and she was so genuinely surprised and it was just perfect. I'm so excited for her and I love them both.
I'd discuss it more but I'm exhausted so I'm going to head to bed and try and get a few more hours of sleep.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Money
I'm so tired but I feel really good. I've managed to make it through this week. I'm really happy about it. Finally going in the right direction. I also got my check from last week's work which is awesome because we so need it. I know we're not destitute or anything but there's so much that I want to accomplish and I'm tired of the financial burden of negative debt that these student loans hold over us. It would be one thing if it was a house that would hopefully appreciate in it's value. Sure, you struggle to make ends meet but you might be able to sell your home in a few and actually have some money to purchase something else with it. It goes toward something.
Yes, we could probably do what my sister and her boyfriend have done and bought a house anyway but I'm not that much of a risk taker. I understand why they did it. Might as well pay a bit more than they would for rent and hope that the house will make up for it in five to ten years. For me though, I'm not gutsy enough for that. My "what if" thinking would take over and I'd live in a panic about how I was going to pay for all my bills if something happened to either of our jobs. I remember living paycheck to paycheck just after college and it had me in a constant panic. I was always worried about money and I don't want to live like that again.
Of course, you can't predict life. Despite all of our planning and saving, something could happen that would nullify it all. So yeah, it could all be for nothing but I can't see how not having to pay the extra bill could be bad thing. Student debts are the worst kind. They are the only debt that you can't rid yourself of by going bankrupt and there's even liability if you die. It's sort of crazy and I want them gone. So yeah, I'll take the extra pay in heartbeat.
Yes, we could probably do what my sister and her boyfriend have done and bought a house anyway but I'm not that much of a risk taker. I understand why they did it. Might as well pay a bit more than they would for rent and hope that the house will make up for it in five to ten years. For me though, I'm not gutsy enough for that. My "what if" thinking would take over and I'd live in a panic about how I was going to pay for all my bills if something happened to either of our jobs. I remember living paycheck to paycheck just after college and it had me in a constant panic. I was always worried about money and I don't want to live like that again.
Of course, you can't predict life. Despite all of our planning and saving, something could happen that would nullify it all. So yeah, it could all be for nothing but I can't see how not having to pay the extra bill could be bad thing. Student debts are the worst kind. They are the only debt that you can't rid yourself of by going bankrupt and there's even liability if you die. It's sort of crazy and I want them gone. So yeah, I'll take the extra pay in heartbeat.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Blah blah blah
I'm writing my post earlier tonight because I'm not in the mood now and I doubt I'm going to want to do it later so it's one of those, "just get it out of the way" moments. I went to the library today and finally returned the books I took out for the wedding. Like everything else, the library is a wonderful way to save money if you do it properly but as my books were super overdue, I owed $14 in late fees. What should have been free was $14. Was it still less expensive than purchasing books for the wedding? Yes, but it should have been free. There's really no excuse. So, I'm trying again.
I took a bunch of books out of careers and finance. Last year was all about getting over my commitment issues. There's still work there to be done but it's manageable at this point. Plus, I've sort of already committed to Dave so that's a moot point. Still I've made significant gains this year regarding my relationships and personal life. However, our finances are another as is my career. Last year, we spent thousands of dollars on a wedding which was 100% worth it but it didn't really give us any headway toward our goals. In addition, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
So I'm establishing goals for that. Truth is, I have issues with my professional life as well. Seriously issues. That student teaching thing did a huge number on me and I haven't even scratch the surface of dealing with it and I'm ready for it. I'm always going to have issues but those issues shouldn't incapacitate me. Right now, they are. Yes, I'm working two jobs but they are just hours and paychecks. It's not quite what I'm looking for forever. I do want my work to mean something to myself and hopefully to someone else. So like the relationship issues, I'll take it one step at a time. Also going back to therapy again which should be really effective. I need it.
I took a bunch of books out of careers and finance. Last year was all about getting over my commitment issues. There's still work there to be done but it's manageable at this point. Plus, I've sort of already committed to Dave so that's a moot point. Still I've made significant gains this year regarding my relationships and personal life. However, our finances are another as is my career. Last year, we spent thousands of dollars on a wedding which was 100% worth it but it didn't really give us any headway toward our goals. In addition, I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.
So I'm establishing goals for that. Truth is, I have issues with my professional life as well. Seriously issues. That student teaching thing did a huge number on me and I haven't even scratch the surface of dealing with it and I'm ready for it. I'm always going to have issues but those issues shouldn't incapacitate me. Right now, they are. Yes, I'm working two jobs but they are just hours and paychecks. It's not quite what I'm looking for forever. I do want my work to mean something to myself and hopefully to someone else. So like the relationship issues, I'll take it one step at a time. Also going back to therapy again which should be really effective. I need it.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Working acoomplishment
It's not even 10pm and I'm exhausted. If it was a Monday, Tuesday or Friday I'd have over another hour of work left. Now that I have a break from all the work, I feel like I don't want to go back. Funny how that happens. I'll be honest, I'm beat. I don't have anything to write about tonight. There's a large part of me that just wants to sit here and not think. Or at least not activity think. Writing requires far more effort than I prefer to exert at the moment. Yet, here I am typing away. I know there's about 50 of these types of posts from this year but here's the thing I have at least fifty crappy posts. It also means that there are probably 250 posts that are somewhat interesting to read. Yes, there are only sixty more days left to the year which means I've written more than 300 posts this year and I've almost completed my largest goal.
There is a sense of pride that I can't help but feel because I'm doing this thing. I'm almost done with my year's worth of writing. I had intended it to be more creative and interesting but there's a larger part of me that is really glad I've made more of a personal journal. I can't really call it a blog anymore but that's okay. It's an online journal that only those closest to me or the most random people read it and I'm really happy with that. I may not have wanted to write every night but some of my best entries were a result of my forcing it. Many times my not wanting to write was really a sign of my not wanting to face something. Some of my posts were wonderfully illuminating and I'm so grateful that I set this goal. I knew I'd be really happy about it but I couldn't begin to image just how fulfilling this process has become. Of course, I will not stop writing once the year is up. In fact, I hope to continue this long after the year is over.
However, right now, I'm done writing. I want to go to bed.
There is a sense of pride that I can't help but feel because I'm doing this thing. I'm almost done with my year's worth of writing. I had intended it to be more creative and interesting but there's a larger part of me that is really glad I've made more of a personal journal. I can't really call it a blog anymore but that's okay. It's an online journal that only those closest to me or the most random people read it and I'm really happy with that. I may not have wanted to write every night but some of my best entries were a result of my forcing it. Many times my not wanting to write was really a sign of my not wanting to face something. Some of my posts were wonderfully illuminating and I'm so grateful that I set this goal. I knew I'd be really happy about it but I couldn't begin to image just how fulfilling this process has become. Of course, I will not stop writing once the year is up. In fact, I hope to continue this long after the year is over.
However, right now, I'm done writing. I want to go to bed.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
2 long days over
Considering that I've worked more hours in the past two days than I normally do in a typical week I'm feeling pretty good. There's a part of me that feels tired and a bit nervous about tomorrow morning but overall I'm feeling alright. It's funny; I feel like I have the next two days off even though I don't-- at all but I get my evenings free which makes it feel like I have more times. I'm actually kind of liking the day job. I mean, it's still a bit early to tell but so far I'm enjoying it. I really like the person I'm working for and what's even better is that she likes me.
I'm glad I took this position if for no other reason than as a confidence builder. I feel like I'm doing pretty well there. They love the way I speak on the phone (I suppose I did learn something working in a call center) and I feel like I'm handling the tasks well. I've been needing this kind of confidence builder in a job setting for a while now and it makes me hopefully. There's that and I've had a change of attitude. I want to do this and I'm willing to work at it. Sure on these long days I do tend to count the hours and I miss having more than an hour of free time once I get home on these nights but then I think of the extra cash I'm making and how I'm continuing to grow professionally and I feel better.
Still, this is only the beginning of the first full week. Maybe I'll hate this decision in the morning or next week or by December but for the moment, it's working. I'm going to keep this short. Last night I wrote a lengthy post and it put me to bed a bit later than I wanted to despite having written half of it while I was at work on my lunch. I just need to make sure that I wake up on time tomorrow.
I'm glad I took this position if for no other reason than as a confidence builder. I feel like I'm doing pretty well there. They love the way I speak on the phone (I suppose I did learn something working in a call center) and I feel like I'm handling the tasks well. I've been needing this kind of confidence builder in a job setting for a while now and it makes me hopefully. There's that and I've had a change of attitude. I want to do this and I'm willing to work at it. Sure on these long days I do tend to count the hours and I miss having more than an hour of free time once I get home on these nights but then I think of the extra cash I'm making and how I'm continuing to grow professionally and I feel better.
Still, this is only the beginning of the first full week. Maybe I'll hate this decision in the morning or next week or by December but for the moment, it's working. I'm going to keep this short. Last night I wrote a lengthy post and it put me to bed a bit later than I wanted to despite having written half of it while I was at work on my lunch. I just need to make sure that I wake up on time tomorrow.
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