Choices

It was New Year’s Eve in 1996 and I was 12 years old, just old enough to feel the pangs of embarrassment for spending the new year at home with my parents instead of out with friends. Like many young girls around that age I was feeling the pressure of making friends and having a difficult time managing the ever changing social rules. I’m sure these feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and rejection further contributed to my responses of later in the evening but aside from trying keep them from my parents I thought of it little.

It was an Olympic year that year. My mom and I (possibly all of us) were watching figure skating on television. At that time, figure skating rivaled football as the most watched sport and both my sister and I had spent years learning how to skate. In my naïveté, I was still envisioning myself as someone with Olympic potential. No, my parents did not fuel this dream. They knew all too well that I was never going to make it big but they liked that I enjoyed it and had created their own sort of social life around it.

I didn’t need their encouragement. In my head I would envision myself stepping onto the ice looking at those 5 rings, take a deep breath, and await my music. My fantasies even included imaginary commentary by legendary icons like Dick Button and Peggy Flemming. Placing a pair of headphones over my ears, I’d press play for the song I’d envision myself skating to and get lost in a world where people noticed me and I was really good at something. Sadly, when I the headphones would come off and I would join my parents for dinner, I did not fully internalize the reality—being an Olympic figure skater was never in the cards. Not even close.

Ever since I was a little girl, I gave off the impression that I was far more practical. I was a logical thinker and I don’t think my parents ever really understood the flights of fancy and delusions of grandeur I entertained in my head. Idealistic by nature, I had grown up believing that if you worked hard at something and really wanted it that it could be achieved. Nothing was impossible to me at the time but this New Year’s Eve I found myself facing my first harsh reality.

The events of the memory are blurry and disconnected; like most memories about events and experiences long gone. I remember some things vividly - where I was exactly when I realized that I would never amount to what I envisioned myself to be. I remember my father yelling at me asking me what my problem was not quite realizing the magnitude of this moment; not fully comprehending that I was only just now figuring that dreams don’t come true no matter how hard you work for them or how badly you want them. This was a lesson he probably learned at a much younger age and always being far more controlled emotionally handled it silently.

It was hard to maintain my composure with the constant questioning as it became clear that my parents always knew I was never going to get there and were completely blown away that I didn't know that as well.  Their "what did you expect" line of questioning only made me feel more upset, angry, and irrational. Self-soothing. It's something we learn as babies but rarely remember as adults. Sadly, my parents were not in my head or my heart. They did not understand where I was coming from and therefore could not give me what I needed at the time so after spending a good amount of time on the floor crying I began to give it to myself.

Earlier this year, I blamed my quitting and not getting as far in skating on Greg but that's only half true. I also need to accept some responsibility because it was also my choice and it was a choice I made long before I met Greg. It was a choice I made sitting on the floor against my bed consoling myself that New Year's Eve night. As the weight of my never being an Olympian settled I considered quitting entirely but that wasn't enough. Quitting didn't reconcile falter thinking so I quickly determined that changing the way I thought about it would ease the pain. Suddenly, it wasn't about competition and training; it became about setting small goals and having fun. If I couldn't be a great skater, then why waste time trying so hard?

Initially, this logic made sense as I set achievable goals and worked really hard toward reaching them. I became known as a wonderful performer and I thrived in skating solos. Competitions were different; I could fall all over the place but it would be done with a smile. I thought myself so much more enlightened as I watched my friends work and work and work as if they thought they were going to make it to the Olympics.  I quietly judged them when they gave up their social life in high school for a life at the rink: I wasn't missing out on my high school experience, you see. I was acting in theater and hanging out with friends. I was crushing on and eventually dating boys. I wasn't tied down to the ice.

All these year later however, I strongly question that train of thought. Just because I wasn't made of Olympic material didn't mean that all the opportunities skating offered were gone. I just didn't realize them with this newly found attitude of "it has to be fun." It wasn't clear to me that I could continue to work just as hard and possibly get a scholarship to college. When I began coaching and teaching the sport, I found nothing else to be as fulfilling. By the time I realized that I needed to really work to attain the levels needed to become a decent coach I had already spent so many years altering my thoughts away from that kind of work. I was involved in the theater and a social life outside of school. I was also involved with Greg which is the other half of this quitting equation.

I'll be honest. I look back with disappointment at my choice. I would not trade my high school or theater experiences for the world but I could have done both. I could have continue to train and push myself while I was there to just reach those levels but I didn't. Then, of course, there was Greg. Would I have quit if it had meant more to me than just something I enjoyed? Would I have quit if I truly thought I could create a career with it? Maybe I would have but I'll never know.

As I sit here, calling nurse practitioners about a job where they can visit patients at their homes for an hour and earn $75, I think about the opportunity I missed out on. Even with the bad economy, those who want to skate, the kind of people I skated with, will pay for lessons. They would pay me to coach them if I had the skating levels. The level that I'm at now would earn me very, very little but had I put in just a little more work and pushed myself a little bit harder, I too could be coaching. I would make a very good coach. There are times when I find myself thinking about it longingly; wishing and regretting. To try and get back into now seems futile. The amount of money and time and training to get there is enormous and by the time it happened; no one is going to want a coach who hasn't done it in ten or so years.

No, unfortunately that boat came and that boat left and I made excuses as to why I couldn't get on it. I missed that one and sitting here calling these people, I am realizing that I don't want to miss another one. There's a part of me that is still an undeterred idealist. I still believe that there is a profession out there that I will find somewhat fulfilling. I want more than I have right now bound by a ringing telephone. Sure working 15 hour days sucks but I didn't let this opportunity pass me and I finally feel open to world beyond me. I know the inevitable question will be, "what about going back to teaching?" I'm not there yet. I don't know if I'll ever get back there because the combination of fear and pain still continues to get the better of me. Maybe I'll get back there someday; just not now. I need to see what else there could be; maybe there's something that combines the best of teaching and coaching (yes, they are very different).

I don't know the answers right now but it's very late. I've had a long work day and I have to do it all over again tomorrow so it's time for me to sleep.

Scattered

We got a decent start toward cleaning the apartment and moving forward with the things that I wanted to do.  It's not what I would call "clean" but it is better than what it was before we started trying to tackle it.  It feels good to have made more progress with these things. I'm just feeling a bit tired.  I fell asleep during the end of the Patriots game and Dave just woke me up and suggested I write my post.  However, I'm not really sure what to write about.  

The next two days are going to be super busy for me.  I'm nervous about them but we'll just have to see how it goes.  It will be good to see just how bad it is to work a full week.   Hopefully it will be all be fine.  It wasn't as bad as I anticipated last week and I hope that it continues this week.  I can't believe tomorrow is Halloween; it seems both too sooner and not soon enough.   After tomorrow, there is only two more months left to go until the end of the year!  I'm really excited to begin my new set of goals as well.  I just need to not get ahead of myself and just take it one day at a time.  

Jamie + acting = wonderful night

If I were asked to judge the date by the weather conditions outside, I would probably think it was the 29th of November or December with the way it's snowing out right now instead of October.  Maybe, an early start will mean an early end?  Hopefully?  I've been kind of moody the past couple of days which makes sense since my monthly friend has stopped by for her visit.  I need to get to the doctor to discuss some other options of dealing with her so I'm not so symptomatic.  I also need to get to the dentist because I can feel a couple of cavities making themselves known.

Anyway back to the weather.  It's funny how the snow is both beautiful and gross at the same time.  Normally I'd stay inside but I had a place to go tonight and there was no way I was not going to get there.  Was making the trek through the snow and the rain and the wind worth seeing my best friend doing what she loves for the five minutes that we did?  Totally!  There was never a question of my not going to see her today as I haven't been able to go any other night since I've been working.  This was the only night so there was very little that was going to prevent me from being there.

I'm so glad I went though.  What an interesting show!  It's so different but so cool.  She was phenomenal too as always.  When she burst through the door of her room (their show consists of walking through different room and listening to an actor/actress) I think she was taken aback slightly by recognizing us though with the way her part is, it could have just been her doing her job.  It was so exciting to see her but there was such a large part of me that wanted to run back with her through the door when she left so that we could chat.  I miss her a lot.  She gave us a little wave before she left which was totally perfect.

I love her so much and I can't wait to go see her in whatever she has coming up next.  She's just the best!

Things one can't control

Guess who gets a lunch break that allows me to go on the computer and do my own thing for that time?  ME!!  I'm so excited though I still feel kind of wrong doing my own thing on a company computer but I was told that it was okay so, I get it is.  Anyway, seeing as today is one of my 14 hour days, I figured it would be nice to get this typed and posted so I don't have to do it later.

So today is my college ex-boyfriend's birthday and I was thinking I'd send him a Facebook message with a "Happy Birthday" message but I don't know if it's worth it.  I've sent him numerous messages congratulating him on his wedding and all other kinds but he never responds.  I guess there's is a small part of me that is sad about that.  We didn't work out as a couple and it feels like that means we can't be friends.  I can't tell him that I'm happy for him.  He can't reach out to me and be happy for me?  The last time we talked he indicated that he thought we hadn't ended well and he really wasn't interested in a friendship but it seems so childish.

I'm not looking to hang out with him on a daily basis but I would like to be on speaking terms at least.  I'd like to be able to say "Happy Birthday" or "Congratulations on your wedding"  without feeling weird about it.  From my point of view, things didn't end badly.  Sure we were both hurt by it but real, amicable breakups are rare.  I just don't feel like it was that horrible though I have to admit that I have a strange reference.  Maybe what I consider bad is far worse than what others do?   I guess to say I'm sad is an over-exaggeration as I'm not really sad, just disappointed by it.  We dated for three years, he was/is a good person, and it stinks that we can't be amicable on occasion. 

Ah well, there are things that you can control and things that you can't.  This, is one of those things that I can't control.  I can do my part but as in all relationships, friendship, romantic, or otherwise, two people need to contribute.  Speaking of things that make me unhappy that I can't control... snow? Already?  My doors were frozen shut this morning and it was freezing out.  Normally my rule is that I'm unhappy about it until I have my birthday which is November 23rd but it's October 28!!  Seriously! Snow, you're pretty and all but I fail to entertain your magic when you come this early in the year.  My goodness, I have a feeling it's going to be a very, very long winter this year.

Another day, another post!

Today seemed to go so much better than yesterday.  I got a far better vibe.  In the end, I just need to take it one day at a time just like I do whenever I'm uncertain about something.  Tomorrow should be interesting but I do get a half hour lunch so I can maybe do a quick write up there and type it up when I get home or drop it off and have Dave type it up for me.  We'll see.  I get the day of on Saturday so whatever.  Speaking of Saturday, I absolutely can't wait to go see Jamie.  I don't know how much energy I'm going to have.  I might want to sleep all day and just leave the apartment to go see her.

We also really need to clean this apartment.  It's kind of absurd at this point.  Like cleaning this place needed to happen a week ago and we've just been entirely lazy.  Sure we can say that we've been busy but it's something we need to get used to because we're going to be busy for the next two months and I certainly can't wait two months to clean because I already feel like I'm living in squalor.  So yeah, maybe we'll clean.  Once it's done, we'll feel so much better so let's see if I can get Dave on board.  

I think I'm going to call it a post because I am working on a little project for myself and I want to continue doing it a bit more before I put myself to bed.  It's got me painting again which is good news!  I love painting.

First Day

The first day of work wasn't quite what I hoped it would be.  I am trying to reserve any kind of judgment until a few more days effort but it seemed sort of all over the place today.   According to the woman who hired me, the girl who is going to be training me on what I'm supposed to be doing wasn't there today which was weird.  Why have me come in?  To help pass the time, more than anything else, I was asked to write a solicitation to colleges to recruit nurse practitioners.  She told me that the girl who worked before me couldn't seem to get this letter written an then proceeded to show me her mistakes (which I don't know how I feel about, but whatever).  Needless to say, for the first part of the day I spent my time reading through the brochures and pamphlets trying to piece together some time of letter about the company when I had really no idea myself.  

I'll get feedback on it tomorrow.  As of right now, I can't tell if this is going to feel more like a sales job or if it's going to be more of an HR kind of thing.  I've never been all that into sales or selling products or services.  I mean, this seems like a pretty good deal for nurse practitioners.  In their free time they can go into the homes of medicare patients and give at home evaluations for some decent money.  But then, $75 per hour seems like a big deal to me but I don't really know what nurse practitioners make on a daily basis.  They are even more qualified than regular nurses and are allow to prescribe medications and give physicals like doctors so they may make some decent money without this gig.  Then again, like most of those professions there tend to be a lot of loans that need to be paid back so maybe the extra money does help.  

I also booked a hotel room for one of the NPs which I actually enjoyed a lot.  I love looking up hotels and measuring features against pricing.  Really, I just love traveling.  Unfortunately with the internet, travel agents aren't that valuable anymore.  Anyone can plan a trip today; they don't need me to help them.  That or the travel agents that make money tend to pawn off timeshares along with their travel advice and I could never deal with that.   Again, I don't like selling things.  If people want to do something they'll do it and it's not my job to convince them.   Not that there is anything wrong with sales but it just makes me feel super uncomfortable.  

So again, I'm really hoping that my job isn't to sell them on this position.  I'm hoping that the position sells itself but we'll see.  I need to give it a few more days.  

New beginnings

My first day of work is tomorrow so I need to make this entry quick as I need to be getting to bed.  I'm super nervous about it but I'm excited about it as well.  This could be a great opportunity for me and I am really glad that I'm embracing it despite my nerves.  It's a big step for me and I need to be proud of myself.  Of course, I don't want to get ahead of myself-- I need to at least complete this time commitment before I congratulate myself to highly.  

I don't know if it's the beginnings of a new job or if I just found the motivation to complete this project but I spent a good amount of time today working on my 27 goals for my 27th year of life.  I got the idea from Kelly over at http://kellypurkey.typepad.com/its_me_kp/2010/03/the-twentyeight-list.html.  When I saw this a while ago I was just so inspired.  With my own twenty-seventh birthday coming up in just under a month I figure it would be a good time to get some of my goals down on paper.  I've come up with 24 challenging but doable goals so far.  Dave expressed his concern that they are too intense but I'm not looking to become a master at any one of them.   Plus, what's wrong with some healthy, ambitious goals?  

As soon as I finalize my list and get them fully ready for showcase then show them all to you.  Now, I'm going to go to bed.  Wish me luck for tomorrow.

New Job?

The interview went really well and I was asked to start this Wednesday.  Yes, this Wednesday.  I told them I needed to speak with my husband (which was really cool to say) and call her tomorrow.  I also need to e-mail both her and the person who found this job for me with a couple of questions but I think I'm going to try it out.  This job goes until December 31, 2011 and there is the potential that I could be asked to stay on longer but I think that's just the right time frame.   I'll admit, I'm nervous about being able to handle 65 hours a week but the I figured that the worst that can happen is that I can't handle it and I quit it though I hope it doesn't come to that.  To help me decide, I made a list of pros and cons.

Pros
+will earn more money (pay down credit card debt sooner than expected)
+a nice step from a call center where I'll use my skills from the call center and learn more
+the company is located in the same town that I live (only a 10 minute commute max)
+they are willing to give me the hours I'm looking for so I can continue to work at my current job
+only goes until 12/31/11: will give me good idea of whether I can handle a full time and part time job
+if it is too much then I can quit if need be (hopefully not though)

Cons
- I'll be working 65 hours a week- not the coolest
- Will be working 6 days a week
-  I'm so used to sleeping in and I won't be able to do that anymore
- Won't be able to take time off the way I wanted
- Will be difficult to plan holiday parties (wanted to plan a thanksgiving party but maybe it'll  be too much?)
-  Unable to go to therapy appointment

Both were illuminating but really most of the cons are purely selfish and if I want to branch out away from where I'm working now, I need to do this at some point.  I feel like now is as good as any.  It's just all happening so incredibly quickly.

Nervous

I have a job interview tomorrow and my excitement about working two jobs has turned into anxiety.  Of course, I'm nervous about the interview as well.  What if I'm not what they're looking for and I don't get the job?  It would be nice to expand myself beyond a call center customer service center and this job seems like it actually might be a decent job that will do that for me.  Plus, the job is in the same city that I live in which would be incredibly convenient.  Despite finding this position with a temp agency, it was described to be as an undefined length of time meaning that it could go for two months or it could be something permanent.  

That however, is both a positive and a negative.  In all honesty, I think that I'm more worried about actually getting the job.  It may not be a permanent position which would make me feel really uncomfortable leaving my current job.  In an ideal world I would work both as it would give me more job security and it would be a great way to earn extra cash.  With the goal of paying off a solid part of our debts, the extra cash would be really awesome.  However, I must state my largest concern: am I capable of sustaining two jobs and working 65 hours a week every week for an indefinite amount of time.  If it's just a two month deal, that would one thing but if it isn't.  My current job isn't the best and I've found myself complaining about it recently but I know that deep down, I have a good thing going right now.  I don't want to lose that.  

Of course, tomorrow it's just an interview so I'm totally getting ahead of myself but that's what I do.  I can't help it; I'm nervous.  There's that part of my brain that is in avoidance/self-preservation mode.  If I excuse myself out of the interview, then I won't have to deal with the rejection or the fear of actually getting the job.  I'm not going to excuse myself despite how intimidating it seems.  I would be too disappointment in myself for not going for it.  Even if I get the job, it doesn't mean I have to take the job.  Plus, I need the practice.  

I'll let you know how it goes.  As an aside, I did receive a text from Alli and she isn't made at me at all which should only go to prove how much I overreact to things.  Damn anxiety.  

Mistakes and growth

Alli and her roommates had a Halloween party tonight that I was unfortunately unable to make.  Not that I didn't want to be there but because I'm a moron.  In the craziness of wedding planning I agreed to work tonight without realizing it was the same day as the party.  Of course because I, myself am crazy I was super embarrassed and felt super guilty.  How could I forget after everything that it was the same day.  Again because I'm a nutcase, my embarrassment caused me to never actually let them know that I wasn't coming which makes it even worse.  I mean, it's not one of those parties where you had to rsvp because they were spending money or anything like that but it's a respect thing.

So now I'm feeling awful.  I did send Alli a text and left her a voice-mail but I'm sure she's too busy partying it up to have responded.  My hope is that she's not too upset.  She has every right to be upset with me but I hope I'm making a far bigger deal like I tend to do.  It looks like there were lots of people going based on Facebook so I doubt I was missed in any major way.  So yeah, I'm a bit nervous that I made someone I love dearly upset with me.  I mean, it was just so silly of me and super immature.  And I thought I was getting so much better about this kind of stuff.

On a more positive note, I am doing pretty well with the fact that I'm not there.  One of my many issues is that when I can't make it somewhere, I tend to get really anxious that I'm missing out.  When I was younger I was told that if I'm not present in group situations then they'll forgot about me.  Because I was in middle school at that time of course what that person said was exactly what happened.  Even though I know logically that's how things are in middle school and that the friends I have today won't just discard me because I couldn't make it (you know, if I'm a normal, mature adult who is straight up with them) somehow it just stuck with me.  Since that day, I've struggled with it but slowly I'm doing so much better with it.

What's crazy is that I would be totally cool with those issues tonight had I not messed it up so royally.  Anyway, despite how nervous I am I need to step back and let it be for now.  There's nothing I can do at this current moment and hopefully I'll be able to talk with Alli and Beth later about it and everything will be okay.  Or it won't and then I'll have to go from there and see if there is something I can do to make up for it.  At least I have grown in that way.

Drunk!!!!!

Johnny is over and he's gotten me drunk.  It's like old times.  Dave and a bunch of his guys hung out tonight while I was working and when Dave came home it was clear he was a bit drunk.  Of course, Johnny found our rum and they concocted my favorite drink and because I'm the lightest weight in the world I find myself quite tipsy.  Dave is now talking about how he got into a big fight with the eight grade bully and I find it so funny.

Of course,  I love Dave so I always find him funny because you know I'm in love.  It's that typical Lifetime girl who's like, "oh, hahahha, he's so funny.  Isn't he so tough."  It's full of adoration and a teen being enamored with the cute guy in the classroom.  I don't know if that made any sense but I made a promise that I would write everyday and here I am.  I need to get these last two paragraphs.

So since I'm really drunk and it doesn't seem to be letting up anytime so I figure I should thank you all for this crap that you read everyday from me.  It's pure shit, my friends but you all already know this and you read it anyway which is how I know you love me.  You must love me to read this and I want to thank you all for that.  You are the bestest friends a girl can have and since I began this post I'm about three times more drunk so I'm going to stop now before I start misspelling words and stuff.  That would be embarrassing.  Also, I miss you all.  I need to see each and everyone of you really, really soon. Love you!

Licenses

I actually got some things accomplished today! Finally.  I also hurt my back and I have absolutely no idea how.  All I know is that it started hurting last night and this morning I woke up and it took me 24 minutes to make my way from my bed, to the bathroom, and to the couch.  Sure it can take me that long when I'm not in the mood to wake up and roll out of bed but I wasn't being lazy in this case.  I tried standing up quite a few times but couldn't for a while.  Finally I realized that if I get up or sit down with a plié it doesn't hurt so much.  That and Advil takes the edge off too.

Regardless, I made it to two city clerks offices: for my birth certificate and for my marriage certificate.  I made sure to get multiple copies as I'm sure we'll need them to change our names with everything and whatnot.  I also made it to the bank to deposit all of our monetary gifts as well which is awesome as I will be able to now pay off the credit card in full.  So, super pumped about that.  I like paying my bills in full.  It makes me happy.  I get all the credit card rewards and they don't get any to charge me anything more than I what I spent.  No interest charges, overlimit fees, or anything more than what I actually charged.  I get way too much personal enjoyment out of this.

Yeah, done writing now.

Online Community

I tackled my Google Reader today and began to edit.  There are so many blogs that I'm subscribed to that no longer influence me.  The number of unread posts just grows and grows.  I'm not interested to see what they've posted today or what they are writing about.  Perhaps they are too established.  Their businesses are these blogs and between the guest writers and advertisements and references to entries past, it feel like it's just too much.  Even one of my favorites is not a business and it's changed.  I liked it so much more when it was just one person writing about her thoughts and feelings on a subject and there was a small community around it.  It was an illusion but I felt like I was part of that community.  Now, however, it just seems so big.  The idea of getting her attention feels like it would be like soliciting notice from a famous person.  

This is not to say that I find fault in her turning her blog into a business.  In fact, I feel just the opposite.  In so many ways it's inspiring.  Here was this one girl who sat down to write about the stresses of wedding planning and it grew into something that she could actually live off us.  That's amazing.  Of course, I also know that it requires a lot more work and effort.  It was never my intention for this to become anything famous; it's far too personal. I think I'd be more comfortable naked in Times Square than having this blog be read regularly by more than my few trusted friends or the unknown passersby who don't really care about my rantings.  I've purposely chosen not to give out this address to anyone other than a few select people.  So, no my feelings in the first paragraph are not a result of competitiveness or jealously.  Is it bad that I always ask myself if I'm secretly jealous or resentful when I complain because I know my competitiveness has clouded my opinions in the past?  

I will admit that I am somewhat envious about not belonging to an online community.  Though I never intended to create my own community with this blog, I feel like I never found the ability to be part of anyone else's online community.  I'm slightly jealous of those who can read someone else's blog and within months or days become a key part of that person's circle.  How does one even do that?  A friend of mine met one of her closest real life friends through an online community and I know she is not the only one.  I just wouldn't even know where to begin.  My feelings stated in the first part of my writing have little to do with the fact that the blogs I used to read are now too big but more from the inability to believe the illusion that I was ever a part of their communities. 

It's really weird and kind of embarrassing to admit but I feel sort of left out. Don't get me wrong; I was never a follower of their blogs when they were in their infancy.  I came in when the were well established with a generous following but before every other post was written by someone else because it became a business thing.  I never felt like I was on the inside but I never felt like I was on the outside either.  Now, I feel like I'm an outsider and I feel super naive that I believed that I was also part of that community.  It's silly really to write an entire post about this but it happens.  Who knew that unsubscribing to a couple of blogs would have such a big effect.  

Moving forward

I feel like I'm beginning to settle back into a routine.  Unfortunately, my typical routine tends to lack productivity in general so very little was accomplished which I was kind of bummed about but ah well.  I need to look at it in small pieces and it won't be so intimidating to do and I won't be so inclined to procrastinate.  Anyway, my "to do" list aside, I have started to fall back into an overall feeling of normalcy again.

For the first time in weeks, I logged back into my Google Reader.  There is so much I haven't read but a large part of me doesn't really care.  Most important I read what my friends (two of my bridesmaids, specifically) have written and my goodness it was a wake up call for me.  It was very much a get over yourself moment.  With the wedding and the honeymoon, I've allowed it to be all about me and I feel like I've neglected the interests of the people who are closest to me.  

Sure I got married.  It was and is a big deal in my life and a huge step forward for me; however, I'm not the only one working toward their dreams.  Of course, this isn't their blog so I can only get into it a little bit here so the sake of their privacy (not that anyone is reading this aside from them, but still).  Reading their most recent posts, I couldn't be happier for them.   One of my bridesmaids finished her college degree after years and years of effort overcoming numerous setbacks and I couldn't be more proud of her.  She actually accomplished this before the wedding and I really didn't do enough to show her how happy I am for her.  

Another bridesmaid has been admitted to one graduate school program (I'm sure the first of many) and I know that finding the courage to apply in the first place was huge for her.   It's easy for me to look at her and know how incredibly talented and intelligent and capable she is but it's very different to feel ready yourself.  Even now, I'm sure she'd say I am exaggerating a bit by that description and I know she's super nervous about this new beginning.  Thing is, I think its totally normal to feel nervous about following a goal, terrified perhaps, but I'm stating it here and I'll tell her as well in person, I'm 150% behind her.  

Someone who does know how much I support her is another bridesmaid of mine.  I just read that not only is her current show doing really well but that she may (hopefully) have another show lined up for the Christmas season.  Again, I can also say very similar things that I said earlier about her and I have said it multiple times.   This girl is one of the most incredible actresses I've seen.  Of course, she has chosen one of the most cut throat professions which makes it difficult.  Here's the thing though, she's pursuing it and it's working.  I can't even begin to tell you how much I'm looking forward to her current show.  So happy for her as well. 

Then of course, there's my maid of honor who is also taking huge steps.  Although she is my younger sister, she is making such grown up decisions.  She is currently working full time, taking graduate classes, and working toward making a huge purchase that I haven't even begun to think about yet for myself.  She is so busy and she is doing it all with grace.  She's another one who I feel like I haven't shown enough support for and given her enough of me to help her.  With such big things happening in her I feel like she could use a bit of my assistance and I haven't been able to be there for her.  

All of us are really moving forward in our lives.  For a couple of years there we were all sort of stagnating and this has been such a big few months for all of us.  I'm so happy in my own life and the fact that all of my friends are creating their own happy just makes the feeling so much bigger.   I love them all so, so, so much. 

Work

Went back to work tonight.  It actually wasn't that bad considering it was work.  I was very glad to see all my coworkers again.  They were so happy to see me and couldn't say enough nice things about the pictures of the wedding they saw posted on Facebook.  Overall the night felt long but the workload wasn't that bad at all considering I'd been gone for so long.  There's actually a small part of me who is glad to have the routine again.

One of the many things on my list for the next few months is to find a day job that I would enjoy and I was surprised when I listened to my voice mails on my phone.  I hadn't checked them since before the wedding and I was surprised to hear from the company I applied to a while ago asking for me to call them back because they would like to talk with me.  Of course, that was back before I was married so I will have to call them tomorrow and apologize profusely for not getting back to them right away.  Hopefully they will have another job opening.

Ideally, I would like to work during the day and continue to work at my current job at night.  My current job is the perfect part time job.  It's open 24 hours a day, not too rigorous, and they pay really really well for a second job.  It's not retail, at least.  Our biggest goal this year is to make as much money as we can so we can pay back the mountain load of debt we'd accrued before getting married.  So far we're doing really well towards that goal but a second job on my part would be hugely helpful.  I would like to spend a year or two at most getting our school debts paid back.

I know that life can get in the way.  Goodness knows it already has so far so I won't be completely devastated if it doesn't work out but I would really like it to.  Of course, I wasn't anticipating this second job until closer to January but it wouldn't be horrible to get it started sooner.  Keeping my fingers crossed.

First day back home

Clearly, I'm still feeling jet lagged as I slept almost all day.  I went to bed at a reasonable hour but I just couldn't get out of bed.  I'm hoping that tomorrow I'll be more awake and have adjusted a bit more.  Despite sleeping so late, I wanted the day to be slightly productive.  No, I didn't clean or unpack but I did go over all of our finances again.  Now that the honeymoon is over, I know exactly what was spent.  Of course we went over budget slightly but we will be okay.  Hopefully the credit card statement will close tomorrow and I can make the payments.  I want to make sure we get the points from it and I don't know if that happens if the statement hasn't closed.  I should just call and ask but I don't feel like it.

We also looked over what we needed to so for changing our names.  It looks as if it will be a lot more complicated than if I was just taking his and it took much longer for us to figure out.  I think that had we gotten married in Massachusetts it might have been easier since the marriage license has a specific line where you can fill out what you'd like your surname to be once your married.  Unfortunately the New Hampshire marriage license does not have anything like that at all.  They just assume I'd take his name.  So without any indication on our marriage license stating that what we want for our last name, it looks like we are going to have to go through probate court.  We filled out the form tonight and I'm hoping that the marriage license is in the mail (we can't check it because the mailbox key was forgotten at my parents) so we can go tomorrow while Dave still has the day off.

Also, we went through the wedding gifts again and I made notations for us to write the thank you notes.  I was able to reread all the cards again and take my time with them.  Once again, I'm so grateful for everyone who came and everything that people gave.  They were just too generous and I really, really can't get over it.   I know it's customary to give monetary gifts but my goodness, I don't know what we did to deserve what we received.  I'm actually excited to write the thank you cards which I also need to do soon.

Home... now what?

Dave and I are officially home.  I'll admit I'm sad about my vacation being over but I'm really glad to be home.  Unfortunately we left the apartment in shambles as we rushed around to get ready for the wedding and the honeymoon.  The place is a disaster and there are so many other things and gifts that need to find a home here. Our next major task is to actually decorate this place as we've lived here for two years and have done little to give it a sense of our personality.  So that will be one of first projects on the "projects after the wedding list."

Maybe it's just the wedding and the traveling (my vacations tend to epitomize the phrase: "needing a vacation from your vacation) but I kind of just to do nothing for the next couple of weeks.  Well nothing big anyway.  Halloween is just around the corner but I have no real desire to find a costume or attend the parties that normally occur around this time.  I actually love Halloween and I love dressing up even more so this lack of interest is really surprising.  I think it's partially due to not wanting to plan anything more for a while and wanting to pick up extra hours at work to make up some of the money I spent.  I still want to walk around Salem but I'm just not in the mood to play dress up.  I want to be myself and not someone else right now.

What's ironic about this is that I was conscious of Halloween when planning my wedding.  We had the choice between Oct 2 and Oct 23 and I like Oct 2 better because we'd be around for Halloween.  Now though, I have almost no interest in Halloween.  Maybe I just need to get settled again.

Day 11 - Last day? Or not?

We almost made it home without issue.  Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) we are actually staying in one more hotel tonight.  Our final flight was cancelled and we are not home yet. Of course, there was nothing we could board either.  All flights were full and were "stand by" only so they offered to put us up for the night and give us a voucher for dinner.  Some people could get really upset by this and actually just a few people ahead of us had a similar issue on a different flight and were irate long before they even talked with anyone.  Had they just waited the ten minutes, they would have talked to a person at customer service and found that they were already booked on the next flight out to their destination only 30 minutes after their original flight was scheduled to board.  I would have been so embarrassed if I had caused such a stink and talked to people the way she did without listening at all.

For us though, the next flight they had us booked on is not until tomorrow morning.  I can understand people getting really frustrated by that particularly when one hasn't had any sleep in almost 24 hours.  However, for Dave and me this really wasn't a huge inconvenience.  Was it inconvenient? Yes but it's not like we had things booked or places we have to be.  There are so many things that are worth getting into a tizzy over (maybe that other couple had one of those reasons) but we didn't have one of those.  I felt badly as my mother took the day off of work just to be there for us when we got home but tomorrow is Saturday and we can see her tomorrow too.  Had we come home tonight I don't really know how much company we would have been since we were so exhausted.  We'll be tired tomorrow but not the same way; at least I won't be.  Dave might.

There's actually a small part of me that is kind of grateful that we got stuck here.  We had thought we would maybe go out and check out this new town but we were just too tired.  When we got to our room we collapse into a dead sleep.  Then we ordered room service and have spent our evening resting, cuddling, and just chilling.  In many ways, we are getting to continue our honeymoon vacation just one more day longer.

Day 10 - Leaving Maui

I don’t know when I will be able to post this as the Maui airport doesn’t have free wireless and we have a very quick jump in Los Angeles.  Still, I’m writing it on a Word document before boarding so that I can have it out of the way once I’m on the plane.  I’m sad to be leaving as this place is beautiful and there is still so much to do but I’m not dreading it either.   I feel ready to be back at home and officially begin married life.  I want to get the process of changing our names finished so I’m not doing this weird in between thing anymore.  Although I’m not ready to go back to work (I doubt I’d ever be ready to go back) I need to begin making money again as opposed to spending it.

When booking our flights I chose the latest flight I could out of Maui to ensure that we would have one more full day.  I find that it tends to be a good plan though I think I’m going to be exhausted by the time tomorrow comes around since we are flying overnight and I sleep horribly on planes.  Hopefully it won’t be as bad as I think.  As we had a good portion of the day before us we decided to make our last activity one of leisure and complete self-indulgence by spending a few hours at the Grand Wailea Spa.

I’m not exactly a newbie when it comes to getting a massage anymore but this was not just a massage but an entire experience set in luxury.  Up arriving Dave and I were separated into the gender specific sides of the spa to begin indulgence.  I can’t speak for Dave but it sounded like his experience was a lot like mine.  Walking into the spa, I was given a locker, spa sandals, and a towel.  When I was ready they took me on a tour showing me both the dry and steam saunas, one cold pool, two hot tubs, a waterfall like contraption that would give a water massage on your shoulders, and finally 5 seawater baths filled with bath salts from each of Hawaii’s islands.

A brief shower later where they provided the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash and it was like I escaped to paradise within paradise.  Initially I made my way over to the dry sauna and realized that saunas really aren’t for me.  At least not when I’m alone with nothing to do but sit there and stare the walls wondering if someone else will join and what I’d say and whatnot.  Not the most relaxing so from there I made my way to the saltwater baths.  These were far more my style as I am a bath person 100% and can sit, relax, and let my mind wander in the warm water.  Each of the baths were different colors and big enough for one or two people at the absolute most which ensured a bit of privacy.  Filled with different types of sea salt and aromatherapy fragrances, the different baths provided specific benefits to the body and mind.

Alternating between the baths and the showers was how I spent my initial hour at the spa stepping out to have an exfoliating scrub treatment and to cool down.  The woman who did my exfoliating treatment was incredibly nice.  She and her boyfriend have been living in Maui for two years now and she was asking all about when she should travel to the east coast as she’s never been there.  The second time I stepped out of the bath it was too cool off.  Too much warm water dehydrates me and makes me light headed so I got myself so water and a red delicious apple they had set aside and reclined on lawn chair for a few moments. 

When our massage appointment arrived, they gave me a bathrobe and showed me to a beautiful lanai where I met Dave.  Looking out at the gardens of the hotel and the blue, turquoise ocean in the distance we sat and discussed how much we enjoyed the beginning part of the spa.  Eventually we were met by our massage therapists who showed us into our shared room.  Side by side we received massages and bother were absolutely wonderful.  For me, I don’t think I’ve ever been so relaxed going into a massage and he only commented once on the tightness of my shoulders and back.  He was excellent and Dave said the woman he had was amazing too.  After it was all over we separated back to our areas where I showered again, brushed my hair (with the plastic hair brushes they provided), dressed, and applied lotion (provided by them as well).

I must say, I’m so incredibly glad that we decided to save this for the last day of the trip.

Day 9 - Resorts and Jewelry

Our last full day in Maui was today and we decided to keep it easy.  We slept in, Dave cooked breakfast and we lounged around the room before heading out to go resort looking.  There are some fabulous resorts here on Maui which we chose not to indulge in but I have a thing for wandering around hotel resort properties and envisioning future trips even if I know that the likelihood of them happening is rather small.  Out of all the resorts our favorites ended up being the Grand Wailea hotel and the Hyatt Regency resort on Kaanapali Beach.  For us the deciding factor was their pools which were fabulous.

We also spent a good bit of money on jewelry too.  My favorite jewelry store Na Hoku (where my engagement and wedding rings are from) is based here so we felt that it was a must to stop in.  I was actually very surprised by how excited Dave got about purchasing a piece of jewelry from them and we spent a good deal of time trying on different pieces.  Finally I chose a necklace called the Tree of Life which is beautiful, fitting, and being discontinued.  We didn't realize the discontinued bit until we were checking out so that validated our choice even further as there were two that we were trying to decide between.

Once that purchase was complete we were directed over to their sister company Pearl Factory - Hawaii's Original Pearl in the Oyster Company where we were able to choose an oyster and whatever pearl is inside it is ours for free.  There I had Dave choose an oyster and with a resounding "ALOHA!", we opened to find this beautiful creamy white and pink pearl.  It was beautiful and I determined that I needed to get it set in something. Of course the settings ranged from $20 to ridiculous.  Needless to say, I chose a setting on the pricier side of things and that allowed us to chose another oyster to crack open.  With another loud "Aloha!", we open that one and found a bluish, silver pearl, the second rarest pearl after a black one.  This time though we only spent $30 for the setting.  She also let us choose yet another oyster to open and this time we received a very lustrous, gold and white pearl that she drilled.  We decided not to have it set so eventually we will have to find another setting later on.  So yes, I ended up with not one but 3 beautiful necklaces that I can't wait to wear.

I'm sad that today is our last day but sadly vacations can't last forever.

Day 8 - Big Beach and Old fashioned Luau

Tonight was the closest I've come to not writing all year.  I know I'm on my honeymoon so it would be completely okay and understandable if I didn't actually post tonight.  I was okay with it even until Dave convinced me otherwise.  I was ready to wake up nice and early tomorrow and write it but then he reminded me that my morning would be everyone else's afternoon.  That did it so here I am typing away when I should be snuggled up next to him falling asleep.

We beached it up today heading over to Makena Beach.  It's the biggest beach here on Maui and the sand was  wonderfully soft and had this orange hue to it.  When you would kick the sand with your foot the orange would show but then immediately subside when it settled back.  The water was refreshing, like pool water on a hot, humid summer day.  The waves were a bit intense.  In an attempt to get a picture of the wave as it crashed against the shore, I found myself in a compromising position as it took me with it.  I must have tumbled with the wave a couple of times before finding my footing again as there was sand everywhere including within my hair.  At first I was embarrassed but it didn't seem like anyone noticed or cared if they did so after a short break and a superbly failed attempted at building a sand castle with Dave I found myself immersed in the sea again

This evening we attended the Old Lahaina Luau and it was such a great experience.  From the moment we drove into the parking lot to the minute we walked back into it at the end of the night, we were greeted by some of the most pleasant people.  I was officially "lei'd" and I learned how to make a beautiful headpiece with the Plumeria flower.  It's too bad that it won't last until I get home.  The food was buffet style and 100% Hawaiian and it was absolutely delicious.  The mixed drinks were some of the best I've had ever and the setting was stunning.  We had a chance to recap our trip with a couple across from us (nicest people) as they had just arrived and asked us what we had done and what we recommended.  Finally, the dancing.  Both Dave and I have decided we need to learn to dance the hula.  It was truly incredible and worth every penny that we spent on the cover charge.

Day 7 - Marine Life, Plant Life, and Human Performances

Sitting at the bottom of the ocean gazing out at coral and fish through a small window was how Dave and I began our morning.  For approximately forty five minutes we sat in a small submarine submerged to depths of 130 feet.  Observing marine life in this way is a great alternative to an aquarium.  Here the fish are in their natural habitat and the laws of nature are at play.  There's no one who comes to the top of a tank and drops food down for the fish or sharks to feed.  There are no schedules in which specific things may occur.  It's wild and uninfluenced by humans (at least not directly).

This is not to say that aquariums should be dismissed.  In fact, after Dave and I resurfaced and docked that was the next placed we ventured. The Maui Ocean Center is one the biggest things to do here in Maui as they provide room and board to most of the fish you would observe in the wild-- if you spent five years under the water.  For me, the best part of the aquarium is the information that's provided along side the marine life you are viewing.  You can glimpse a particular fish and think, "What is that?" only to look to the side and find out.  We were able to learn a lot more about the fish we saw while on the sub by visiting this aquarium.  If you're not interested in the information, there is another major reason for visiting this specific place.  As part of your experience, you can enter a tunnel that allows you be within the biggest tanks.  Surrounded by glass, you are able to see fish swim next you, below you, and above you: something that you'll be hard-pressed to find anywhere else on the island without your Scuba certification.  

When we were finished marveling at the sharks and stingrays swimming over our heads we opted to do some more observing of dried land and made our way over to Maui Tropical Plantation.  I think I might have gotten this confused with the Sugar Cane Train Ride that Jamie had recommended but it was still a good time.  We hopped on a tram and traveled around the plantation where we watched as our guide shuck and open a coconut for our tasting pleasure.  On our tour we also learned how to wear the Plumeria flower in your hair properly (on the right side if you're available and on the left if you're not) and how to determine when certain tropical fruits are ripest and how to eat them.  As we got this experience as part of a package deal which included the submarine and the aquarium, it was a nice way to spend our afternoon. 

For the evening we went to see the stage show 'Ulalena and it was so good.  There is something about live shows that make the experience so much more.  In this show performers (mainly dancers) along with live musicians tell the story of Maui through the lens of the Hawaiians in accordance with their mythology.  It was so much better than I thought it would be (and I thought it would be decent): the music was moving and the dancing powerful.  There was also sprinklings of comic relief through the performance which really made it all the better.  If one ever does go to the show, I recommend staying after briefly.  Dave and I actually got a chance to speak with one of the musicians.  He plays a nose flute; yes, it is a flute like instrument that one plays by breathing through his nostrils.  For at least 15 or 20 minutes he talked with us about meditation and how playing connects him to his soul. One of his songs was actually commissioned by Hollywood and will be played in George Clooney's next film, The Descendants.  He has no idea how much of his song will be played but he's received the royalties from the film and we talked about how surreal that must feel.  

After a bit more shopping in Lahaina Center, we drove home and it's now 11:03pm here.  I haven't stayed up anywhere close to this late since before we arrived on the island.  Unfortunately, I'm a bit uncomfortable. It appears that I may be having an allergic reaction to my sunscreen.  Every place I applied it is now covered in an itchy rash.  It's not bad, but it is rather unpleasant.  We'll have to pick up a different type tomorrow before hitting the beach.  

Day 6 - Snorkeling and Lahaina

This post is going to be short because I really am tired and my nose is all stuffy and I keep sneezing and I want to go to bed.  Despite all these not so wonderful symptoms today was another good day here on Maui.  It had the potential to turn out really really badly but I'll get to that later.  Our morning began with a snorkeling adventure at Molokini Crater and Turtle Town.  We hopped aboard a catamaran that brought us out there and supplied us with all the equipment needed to swim with the fishes and see them too. They also gave us breakfast and lunch.  I think it was one of the best things we've done thus far though now that I've snorkeled in both the Pacific and Caribbean, I think I would still recommend the Caribbean.  The reefs are a bit closer for fish viewings.  However, we got to see a sea turtle today; something I've always wanted to see but hadn't gotten the chance too.  It was one of the reasons we chose this particular snorkeling excursion.  I actually almost thought it was going to be a lost cause as we swam for almost an hour before one passed underneath us but it was definitely worth the wait.

After snorkeling we drove to Lahaina to pick up our tickets for tomorrows activities.  We had hoped to complete one of them today but time was beginning to get crunched and I really didn't feel like rushing.  Plus, there seemed like there was so much to do in Lahaina itself.  There's tons of art galleries and shopping.   We walked over to the coolest and largest banyan tree I've ever seen.  I think it's one of the largest in the world but I could be mistaken.  Between the low hanging branches, there were many local artists selling their wares and it was fun strolling through them.  I really like art.  I enjoyed painting when I did it way back when and I love seeing what others create or capture.  It's really inspiring; it's like how while walking through a bookstore all I want to do is go home and write something.   For some reason when I was little I convinced myself that I just wasn't good at art and stopped trying my hand at it but I think I'd really like to begin again.  I'd also like to purchase a nice piece of artwork someday; it's just always so expensive.

While walking through the shops Dave and I had a bit of scare when he couldn't find his wallet.  We searched everywhere! I was beginning to wonder if he may have been pick pocketed.  Then we realized that the most recent time he used it was to pay for parking and I honestly thought that it was a lost cause at that point but I suggested the little art gallery right next door to see if anyone dropped it off.  I had already called our credit card company and had them place a temporary block on the card and I was beginning to fear that we actually were going to have to claim it lost which would lead to a whole slew of other problems.  However, today was our lucky day.  Some wonderful man saw it just sitting on top of the pay for parking machine and brought it into the store.  How incredibly awesome is that?  We were so grateful; I just wish we could have thanked him personally.

Anyway, after that scare we went over to Whaler's Village where we watched a local dance studio perform different variations of the hula.  It was really fun as there were three distinct levels: one at a very basic level with young kids who were super cute, a medium level, and a more experienced level that performed some of the most beautiful dances.  It was so cool to watch them.   Okay, I'm done writing.  Time for bed for me.

Day 5 - Changing hotels and reminiscing

It was a far more relaxing day today and I think we are both adjusted to the time change at this point.  Most of the day was spent driving back from Hana.  Our initial plan was to stop at the places we enjoyed the most  (and were free) to experience it one more time but we left far, far later than we wanted to so decided against it.  Instead, Dave held his video camera out the car window and videotaped almost our entire journey back.  We haven't had the chance to watch it yet so I have no idea if it came out at all or if there will be anything worth saving from it but it was fun anyway.  Yes, it made us look like stupid, obvious tourists but it was just too beautiful for us to care.

Before coming home we stopped at Ho'opika Beach to watch the wind surfers for a while.  This particular beach is notorious for having some of the best surfing waves in Maui and people come from all over the world just to catch these waves.  Of course, great waves means increased difficulty so only the most experienced wind surfers need apply.  Even from high above on our cliff Dave and I could hear them yelling to each other or just from the thrill of the ride; it was like listening to soundtracks of individuals on a rollercoaster.  I think it made us both want to attempt it.  As of right now, we're kind of booked solid with things to do (there's so much on just this one island) that we may not be able to get to "learning how to surf" on this trip.  Not that it matters, just being able to watch them was entertaining enough for me.

From there we drove down to Luana Kai, our hotel in Kihei for the rest of our stay.  My goodness this place is wonderful!  It's actually both a hotel and residence.  Yes, local people actually call this place in paradise home. Our "room" is really a one bedroom apartment or condo equipped with all the works: air conditioning (though that was an extra charge), wireless internet, two televisions (one in the living room and the other in the bedroom), a dvd player with a variety of dvds to choose from, a washer and dryer-- more than our one bedroom at home.  Plus, it's on the beach not much more than 50 yards away.  We opted not to get the ocean view (though we might have a partial one) for our budget's sake but we really couldn't be happier.

There was a note telling us to make ourselves at home and make ourselves at home we did.  We unpacked all of our bags and put them in the dresser of our room, lined the bathroom sink with everything we will need, and did our laundry from the first half of our trip.  We also went out and bought a ton of groceries so we'd have plenty of snacks and meals and not have to buy it all.  After we put them all away, Dave cooked one of our favorite meals.  He cooks!  Isn't that the best?

Personally though, the best part of the evening came when we began looking at the photos two of our friends posted.  The each posted about 130 pictures from the moment they arrived until the moment they left.  Every part of the ceremony and reception was documented.  One of them is a photographer and from looking through the pictures, I almost feel like I should pay him.  Seriously, they are that good.  He just has an eye that knows when to capture the precise moment.  I know I'm not an easy person to photograph on the fly.  Dave says I move my face too much and he's right.  When someone can repeatedly capture me in a candid and have it look like I do photograph relatively well then I know he/she knows what they are doing.

As Dave and I looked through each of their photos, it was like we were able to relive the wedding day over again.  Photographs are powerful in that way.  I don't want to toot my own horn but after looking through those pictures I feel as if I can say and believe that Dave and I threw a great wedding.  Was it great for us?  Of course; but it was always going to be as we are getting married.  Between some of the comments my parents have received and flipping through the photos of our guests having a great time, I can honestly say that it wasn't just fun for us.  More fun for us than anyone else there but other people had a good time too.  I still wish I couldn't seen people more.  My high school and college friends didn't get as much attention from me as I would have liked but I did try really hard.  Really, Dave and I were just so happy all over again.  Dave even caught me absentmindedly singing A Whole New World (our wedding song) after we had finished; it was really funny.

Like I said, we didn't do as much today adventure wise but it was definitely one of the best days so far.

Day 4 - Kahanu Gardens, Lava Tubes, and More!

Dave and I woke up incredibly sore this morning.  Thankfully though the events of today were no where near as grueling as yesterday.  The day's tone and sentiment was spiritual though that was not the intent.  By midday, I was inspired enough to try my hand at writing a poem.  Sadly it did not turn out well enough for me to post here for all to see but it has some promise.  I'll have to pick it up later on and play with it.

Because I'm feeling extra sleepy tonight, I'm not particularly in the mood to write; this post may be shorter normal.  We started out the morning by breaking the law!  For the first time in my life, I trespassed over private property!  (I was such a hooligan in my youth!  I'll be the first to admit that I was certainly obnoxious as a teen but I stayed very clear of trouble.)  The path to this beautiful red-sand beach is blocked by private property.  However, the beach is very well known and the path is well documented - the only way to it is via private property.  Let me pause here a bit and state this: there is in fact a Hawaii state law that considers all beaches in Hawaii open to the public: "they belong to no one and everyone."  To get to this beach, we had to trespass.

  

Still, I felt nervous and criminal walking though to the trail.  We'd been forewarned that this trail wasn't the easiest but we did okay right until the beach was in view.  The climb down to the beach was steep to say the least.  The cliff-face climb was dirt-based rather than rock but still potentially dangerous and had no trail to guide us down.  An experienced hiker would have been able to handle it without an issue but I was still thankful I didn't break myself yesterday - I did not think it wise to tempt the Gods again.  Regretfully we did not get to enjoy the red-sand beach or the turquoise water.  Hopefully we were still able to capture a picture of it.  If not, I will enjoy the snapshot in my memory!

Following the botched attempted at breaking the law, we made our way over to the Lava Tubes.  Essentially this is a giant underground cave created by lava flow 960 years ago.  Though not really as deep or as terrifying as the catacombs in France, I wouldn't recommend this to anyone afraid of the dark.  We were given LED flashlights but with them it is very dark.  For kicks, we turned off both of our flashlights - I don't think I've ever been in a place so dark before.  We indeed could not even see our own hands in front of our faces.  As a little side note, the lava tubes were once a U.S. Gov't sanctioned nuclear fallout shelter!

Leaving the lava tubes, we drove down the road to the Kahanu Gardens.  It was similar to the other botanical gardens only massive, vast, and right next to the oceans.  Additionally it is home to Pi'ilanihale Heiau, a sacred site for Hawaiians.  To show respect for this ancient site, it is requested that we maintain silence and attention.  This is often referred to as Hana Kupono.  Instead of walking through this garden "ooh'ing and aah'ing", Dave and I slowly walked through without speaking.  That kind of thoughtful silence isn't done enough today and it can be so personally enlightening.  Both Dave and I were moved despite our lack of understanding of the sacred significance.

Between the geological exploration, the sacred site, the history and spirituality, I felt compelled to write a poem about it.  I mentioned this to Dave but started to drive off anyways thinking I'd write it later.  Dave insisted that we not go any further until it was written.  After finishing the first draft, I let Dave read it.  We discussed it briefly and then made our way to Wa'anapanapa State Park where we were able to swim in caves.

Legend has it that a Hawaiian Princess ran away to these caves to escape her abusive and domineering husband.  He hunted her down, found her in the caves, and killed her.  They say this is why every year the waters turn red.  Of course we now know the reason is due to shrimp migration of something.  Still a very cool story.

Swimmers in the water of the cave made many comments about the 'freezing' cold temperature of the water. It was definitely cold but my personal opinion is that compared to the waters at Hampton Beach, the cave's water temperature was fine.  When water is so cold that it hurts and you go numb - that's cold and what I am used to.  I got over my initial fear which turned out to be claustrophobia.  The waters were very contained and included this little waterway underneath very low hanging cave ceiling.  Dave and I swam under this with our heads just above the water level.  Inside was very dark and we had no flashlight.

 

By the end of the day, we were tired and hungry so we made a final stop at Pailoa Bay which is a black sand beach.  I wanted to describe it better with beautifully descriptive language but my words are failing me. The ocean water here was warm and refreshing compared to the cave water.  We had fun taking pictures of the black sand before heading to the hotel to shower off.  We were quite tired so we decided to dress up and go out for dinner which was quite delicious.  I'd love to go into it with more detail but I'm about to pass out.  I need my sleep as we have a full day of driving tomorrow!  Good Night!

Day 3 - Pools of 'Ohe'o and Pipiwai Trail

Day 3 started out on a more mellow note.  We actually didn't even get started until 1:00pm as we spent all morning resting and enjoying our morning together.  I finally felt like I was able to catch up on some sleep.  For the first time since we've arrived I don't feel like I'm about to pass out at 8pm.  Don't get me wrong, once I close this laptop and put my head down on the pillow, I'll be right out in no time.  So yes, after taking our time at this wonderful hotel/condo here at Hana Kai Resort, eating breakfast outside on our deck with a view of the ocean, catching up on some zzz's, we made our way out to O'he'o Gulch, or the Seven Sacred Pools for the day.

Sadly there is nothing sacred about the pools, it was named that to gather tourists.  Even so, they were definitely worth seeing.  Each of the pools are fed by small waterfalls that are absolutely stunning.  You're even able to swim in some of them.  This time we did bring our bathing suits and were able to wade in the water for a bit.  It was a bit tougher than I expected getting to that point in order to finally wade waist deep with the falls in view, we had to traverse some very slippery rocks.  I wore my new flip flops and they made it a bit nicer so I wasn't stepping on sharp stones in my bare feet.  Once we got into the water, they actually floated with allowed me to take them off. The two of us enjoyed the cool water for quite a while as we watched teenagers and more adventurous men jump off the cliffs.  This is not something recommended as you don't know whether you will land smoothly or go crashing into a rock.  We met a couple who said that last year, one of his friends jumped and shattered his arm.  Needless to say, that was not something I felt inclined to do in the slightest.

However, I did want to hike the two mile long Pipiwai Trail to the 400 ft Waimoku Falls.  I had read that this was a lovely hike that led you through a bamboo forest and provided perfect overlooks to some of the falls feeding the seven sacred pools.  The word "trail" here means something different than it does back home or apparently in San Francisco (the couple we met in one of the pools took the journey with us).  Back home or in San Francisco when I hear the word trail I think of a leisurely, minimally challenging nature walk where one may need to maneuver around some small rocks, along a slight incline.  That is not how it is here.  For a seasoned hiker, this would not be a difficult trail; however for me still wearing these ridiculous flip flops, try to hike a trail up to 650ft elevation was more than a tad bit arduous.  Add to that, the mini monsoons that occurred periodically during our hike causing the dirt covered, rocky, tree stumped path to become this muddy slippery mess, this four mile round-trip hike was one of the longest, most challenging I've ever done.

It sure was awesome though.  For the first time throughout this trip the grandiose beauty of the bamboo forest continued to take my breath away. For almost a mile we hiked up this trail with giant bamboo tress on either side of us.  If it rained during this time, we didn't feel it at all.  It felt other worldly.  Never before have I seen anything like this and it was phenomenal.  The end destination didn't disappoint either (thank goodness because getting to and from it was frustrating); the waterfall cascading off the mountainous cliff was definitely worth it.  At least it was before the journey back home.  We both made it back down the muddy, gross terrain unscathed.  I was very worried that one of us was going to end up with a twisted ankle at the least the way we were both slipping.  In the end, we were just exhausted and disgustingly dirty.  Also, my second toe on each of my feet are swollen like you wouldn't believe and the area around my toes feels bruised from those stupid, stupid shoes.  What a dumb idea that was!  I'm hoping that by tomorrow, it won't be anywhere near as painful to walk as it is now. That and it will be sneakers for at least the next couple of days.

Day 2 - Road to Hana

One would think that I’d have more energy since we were able to get more than a full night’s rest before our excursions of day 2.  On the contrary, a mere twelve hours later I am completely fatigued and ready to pass out a gain.  This is okay as Maui (and especially our current location, Hana) is sleepy kind of place where people, local and tourist, embrace the phrase, “early to bed, early to rise.” There is very little, if any kind of nightlife here but both Dave and I enjoy it that way.  In fact, I know I’d be pretty bummed. Maui had some kind of life after sunset because I don’t have the energy to enjoy it. 

I must say, I love that about vacations. The days are filled with walking around and physical activity so that by the time we come back home, we are ready for bed and sleep soundly.  At least, that’s how I tend to do vacations.  I wish that’s how it was at home as well.  I want to occupy my days with more engaging activities and have less tedious “busy-ness.” I always feel so busy and yet seem to experience very little unlike today having spent it driving the Road to Hana; a “must do” here in Maui.  Thankfully, we decided to spend more than one day here in Hana instead of trying to do it as a day trip like many visitors.  There is just way too much to see and do on the way; I like to take my time and fully experience a place before leaving.  Who knows when I may get the opportunity to come back?

The Road to Hana excursion epitomizes the saying, “it’s about the journey, not the destination.  Actually, this tiny town of Hana has very little to offer except a glance into a Maui from the past.  It’s all the stops along this winding and curvy road that makes this memorable.  Having read about it, I was nervous as the drive is considered “not for the faint of heart.”  I must have forgotten how much I love driving and found very little of it particularly scary.  Sure, some of the road is only wide enough for one car which can make things interesting and it does require a much slower pace than I’m used to but it wasn’t scary. We began our journey in the town of Pa’ia.  Since we weren’t pressed for time, we lingered for a couple of hours shopping, eating, and walking around.  I bought a beautiful glass necklace and a pair of flip flops and we ate the most delicious fish and chips plate.  For dessert, we delighted in some gelato.

Technically, however, the Road to Hana doesn’t begin until after this small town so our first actual stop on the road was a place called Twin Falls.  Before beginning our adventure to the falls we stopped at a fruit stand (a small, decorated bus) and ordered fresh sugarcane juice and a banana/pineapple smoothie.  These sweet and tasty beverages provided us all the refreshment needed for our walk which took far longer than necessary as we somehow managed to take the longest trail possible.  Luckily for us the trail was beautiful and worth the extra time and exercise.  Because we disregarded the advice of our guidebook, we did not wear our swimsuits and were unable to swim near the falls.  However, I personally found it just as enjoyable wading in the cool water near it.

Garden of Eden was our second stop.  This lovely arboretum and botanical garden filled with not only exotic plants and breathtaking views really did leave me wondering if the real Garden of Eden was this beautiful.  Of all the places we’ve been thus far, this was the most romantic.  The sights, sounds, and smells were captivating and we had complete privacy; something we’ve yet to feel anywhere else aside from our hotel room.  It was such a great escape that we spent more than an hour here ourselves.

We continued making small stops along the way taking pictures of everything we could.  Our final stop for the day was at the prodigious Ke’anae Peninsula where large black rocks jutted out of the ocean near the shoreline continuously being bombarded by the waves. We would have eaten our picnic lunch from Hana Bay Picnic Co. but it was already 5pm and we were hardly halfway done.  With the sun setting at approximately 6:15 here, I wanted to get to our hotel sooner since driving on that kind of a road in the pitch black was not something I was ready to try.  I have no idea how anyone manages to do all of this in one day.  I’m so incredibly glad we have three.  

This post is supposed to have pictures but the internet isn't loading them right now.  I'll try again later.

Day 1 - Haleakala Crater, Horseback Riding

Our first full day in Maui has come to an end.  Using the six hour time difference to our advantage, we went to bed last night at 7pm (1am in Boston) and woke up at 3am to drive to the Haleakala Volcano to watch the it's infamous sunrise.  I did do a bit of reading on it so I knew that it would be chilly up at the summit.  While packing I determined that one of our essentials was to bring one of our comforters (along with food and water) in our checked bag.  Thank goodness we were able to fit all our clothing and other stuff in our carry on bags because that heavy blanket came in super handy this morning.  Dave and I enjoy watching the sun rise in the morning and we try to witness the first sun rise of every new year so it really turned out to be an awesome (and I mean that in the truly awe-inspiring essence of the word) way to begin our Maui trip.

 

We did decide to forgo the popular bike tour which has tourists ride bikes down the volcano after the sun has risen.  To be honest, I chickened out when planning this portion of the trip.  Riding down the snake like roads at the edge of a cliff while on a bike when I haven't ridden one in over ten years was just not my cup of tea.  Instead, I justified my fear away saying that the tour was expensive and forces you to comply with the tour company's schedule.  Both of which are true.  Needless to say, we were able to drive down the volcano at our own pace, in our warm car eating the food that we brought from home.   My favorite stop had to be at the second visitors center where we parked and took a 20 minute nap.  It was only 8:45am but we had already been awake for almost six hours.tour   Once our rest left us more rejuvenated, we bought sandwiches from this quaint little place called, Sunrise County Market and ate outside in their Protea garden.  There were so many different versions that we couldn't help but take photos.

This plant is super fuzzy! 

 

Fully satiated we drove to the Pony Express Tours where we took a one hour of a ranch at 3,000 ft on the volcano while on horseback.  The horses were docile and super well trained that almost zero help was needed from their extremely inexperienced riders.  Dave was initially nervous; not that I blame him, they are animals that could at any moment do something beyond our ability to control them.  However, these horses needed more prodding along than holding back.  As our guide said, "they're too lazy and fat to take off on you."  Indeed.  Dave's horse was one of the most challenging as he was constantly stopping to eat and Dave quickly learned the tricks needed to make him move forward.  Also, the views from this trip were great as well.

Our final stop of the day was at Ali'i Kula Lavender farm where they have more varieties of lavender plants than I could count from all over the world.  While there we embarked on this fun scavenger hunt game they had set up to get us to walk through the majority of their beautiful farm.  Due to the hills, we certainly got our exercise for the day.  With the scavenger hunt completed, we walked into their gift shop and were rewarded with the most delicious cookies.  I was also extremely tempted to purchase one of everything in the store but I managed to make it out only $12 lighter from the lavender essential oil I purchased.

Despite it being only 2:30 in the afternoon, we were both exhausted and my eye was bothering so we drove back to our hotel.  My intention was to shower, dress, and go back out to eat but upon arriving at the room, I knew there was no way I going back out.  Instead, Dave went to Wendy's down the street and I attempted to plan out our day tomorrow.  However, I was sidetracked by food and the comfortable shoulder of Dave and ended up snuggling with him in bed watching The Nanny Diaries.  While Dave loaded the photos on to my lappy, I wrote this post out in a journal.  Now that it's typed I'm going to bed.  That's two nights before 8pm--I've entered an alternate universe.