Productivity

Still no interview today.  It will probably end up being tomorrow when I don't want it to be.  The outfit I have picked out for the day is my least favorite for the week so I may have to reconsider it.  People at the office noticed and complimented me on it.  I also told then that it's a New Year's resolution so I feel that I need to maintain some accountability.   As you all know, it's the accountability factor that makes me stick  with things.  I also am bringing more food to work with me which means that I'm less hungry during the day and therefore the candy jar is far less tempting.

Work started out rough for me today.  By 11am I was certain that my boss was going to give up on me and tell the owner of the company (who I think I saw today but still haven't met yet) that she was no longer considering hiring me permanently.  I just kept making stupid, little mistakes all morning and it was clear that she was getting frustrated with me.  It got to the point where I actually wrote down each of the mistakes in my notebook so as I remind me to smarten up and get with it.  They were dumb mistakes. Not the justifiable ones that everyone makes.  Things she's already corrected me on--the most irritating.

However, after writing my list, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that what is going to happen will happen and just kept on working.  You know, I used to think that if my work gave me the luxury of goofing off while at work, I'd take advantage of it.  I always thought that the reason I didn't check my personal e-mail, dabble on Pinterest, or read my news feed during work was because my prior company had our computers under lock down.  There was a part of me that wondered if I would partake in those simple distractions if I could.

Here's the thing though.  I don't.  My day job isn't like the night job where doing something non work related will get you in seriously trouble.  They don't monitor me for the slightest offenses.  Heck, if I need a break they actually allow it.  I have a far greater sense of freedom.  Obviously, spending the entire day doing my own thing and being paid for it would not only be noticed but harshly reprimanded but I could easily get away with small snip-its.  I still don't.  I walk by some of my coworkers and see then looking at shoes or completing a crossword puzzle or even reading at times but the idea of that is super weird to me.

They aren't paying me to read or to pin things on my online boards.  I wouldn't even consider it.  I feel guilty taking a 15 minute break in addition to my lunch and almost never do.  My boss has to remind me to take my lunch because I feel like I have to get a particular task done.  I fear that if I take a break and something isn't done when it's needed then I'll look like I'm slacking off.  I don't know how others do it.  I pride myself of having something ready before I am asked for it.  Making those mistakes this morning, I was super embarrassed.

I didn't treat school this way.  Maybe it's because I'm being paid for and I feel as if I have to earn the money.  Almost as if I'm stealing if I don't produce.  I'm there to work and work I do.  Clearly, I have more of my parents in me than I realized.  Someday, I need to treat my daily life in the same way.  Maybe if I can do what I do at work at home, I'll actually get things accomplished.  But then I don't get paid to do anything at home and the only person I truly risk disappointing is myself and I've done that so many times over my life that I've just come to expect it.

On the other hand, I did complete the goal of writing for one year and though I haven't posted on the other blog I am making gains on my 27 things.  I just have to keep working on it.  Perhaps it is possible for me to be as productive outside of the office as in. Oh, and as an aside.  Later in the day, my boss saw the mistakes that I wrote down in my notebook.  She took it, wrote on it, and gave it back to me saying that she needed to edit my notes.  When I looked at it I saw that she had scribbled in black pen over what I had written and initialed it the way she edits the rest of my work.  It was a nice way to end the day.