Separation anxiety

Last night I forgot to take my allergy medicine and I am paying for it now.  Over the past seven hours I've gone through one tissue box and there was a little while when I was sneezing non-stop.  My nose will not stop running no matter what I do.  I worked the evening shift tonight and I was so busy sneezing and wiping my nose that I didn't eat dinner.  Since the sneezing has seemed to slow down, I am now having dinner at 11:30pm.  Still, my nose still feels like a faucet and it's raw, red, and it hurts every time I place a tissue to it. What I hate the most is that I'm allowing it to influence my mood.   Even Dave mentioned that I seemed crabby which makes me feel bad.   It's like I was masking my annoyance throughout my entire shift and took it out on Dave.  The second Zyrtec D seems to be taking affect and I now have food in me so I think my mood is beginning to return to the positive.

There is one good thing: Dave is back home!  He actually spent a weekend at camping up north for a friend's bachelor party.  It was the first time I've spent in my apartment alone without him.  Yes, that's kind of sad but I totally got through it.  At first, I thought about maybe trying to get together with friends but then began thinking that it would be really good for me to hang out and just spend a weekend by myself.  I think I needed it.   As much as I love Dave and want to be around him all the time, it's nice to be able to just chill with yourself.  I didn't want to mention it in my past posts because I didn't want to let on that I was here alone because I'm super paranoid and one of my biggest fears is an at home robbery.  I have no idea where this ridiculous fear comes from but it's really freaks me out, even when Dave is here.

I will admit that falling asleep without Dave next to me.  I missed him which means something.  I never missed my last two boyfriends if I didn't see them for a couple of days.  Sometimes I looked forward to it.  It feels good to actually miss someone.  I don't have to be with him; I just want to and I think that's a good thing.  Of course, maybe I'll be singing a different tune in ten years or so but I'm really happy with it.  What was odd was that I think I missed him a bit more while I was in Paris.  Of course, I was in a totally different place at that point.  At that time, he was still my "safe person."  The person who helped keep the flashback and panic attacks at bay.  I hate to admit it but I did have panic attack while he was away which was disappointing.  On the plus side, I had to work through it myself.  There was no one else here to get me through it other than me and that was a good thing.

Like always, the anticipation of this weekend was a lot worse than the reality and I feel confident that I can be on my own.  Still, I'm totally glad that he's home!