Body Image

Almost forgot to do this again tonight.  I was just thinking about heading to bed when I noticed my blogger tab on my laptop.  I'm becoming so boring with my writing angst.  Dabey just stumbled by me with the sleepiest eyes to lock the door in preparation for bedtime.   So I'm going to write this quickly so I'll be able to join him soon.  What to talk about?

As of this current moment, I am slightly nervous about money.  I don't know where it went and there is so much more left to spend my money on.  As of right now, I really need a new wardrobe.  I think I am finally coming to terms with my body.  Am I in the best shape of my life?  No.  Do I look the way I envisioned in my fantasies of "my" ideal?  No, I don't . Are many of my old clothes still too small.  Yes, but I think I need to be honest with myself.   I've dropped the excess that I was concerned about and I fit into some of my former clothes and I'm basically happy with the way I look.  Sure I will always be able to find parts of me that could use improvements; my tummy could be flatter and my thighs less flabby but I think I'm accepting myself.

 In order to lose more weight and get smaller than I am currently, I'd have to work out much for vigorously and pay far more attention to my diet than I'm willing to invest in.  At first my goal was to wait to buy new clothing until I got to that "ideal" size but that's not practical at this point.  Like I said earlier, I'm comfortable where I'm at now and it's something I can maintain.  If I were to reach my ideal, then I can only imagine the work I would need to do just to maintain it and I'm not a model or an athlete.  My job is not something that depends on the size of my body.

So now, I want to dress this body in clothing that will be most flattering.   Like I said, many of my old clothes still don't fit and those that do don't really fit well.  So yeah.  I'll be honest I'm a little sad to part with my old clothing because I've outgrown them physically as opposed to mentally.  That said, it's time for me to move on.  I still have clothing from my beginning years of college and even worse, even some left over from high school.  It's been almost eight years since my freshman year of college and I need to face the fact that my body is not going to continue at my college weight without much effort from me.  Today, I would be considered overweight... I can handle that so long as I don't go too far.

All I need now, is money to buy the clothing I desperately seek.