Writing

I had a horrible day today.  When I woke up, I felt like death, had a panic attack just before work, called in, and sat around all day feeling sorry for myself.  Luckily Dave spent the evening at Feis's and I was able to throw myself a bash of a pity party without anyone bearing witness to it.  Finally, I ended up watching Dr. Phil and Judge Judy.  Yes folks, I stooped to that level where I needed the morons of television to lift me up and make me feel better about myself.  "At least I'm not them," I kept thinking.  How terrible, right?  At some point during the 5pm news I dosed off and felt slightly better after waking to the first part of my mother's day gift arriving.  I turned off the news, completed a bit more of my paint by numbers to help center myself, and eventually took a bath.

Then something strange happened.  I started brainstorming about different writing projects and found myself making use of my newly created office for the first time since we established it.  Instead of Dave coming home to a sobbing mess of a person, he found me writing diligently at my laptop.  It's nothing creative yet but it could have some promise in the future.  In many ways I'm happy to have started writing something beyond my daily blog entry.  I thought about writing here first, afraid that I'd have little to say once I finished my other writing but then thought better of it.  If I had written here first, I very well could have burned whatever energy spurt I had and gone back to doing nothing.  It was nice.  I left what I was writing unfinished, not exactly happy with where it was going, and hope to return to it tomorrow before going to work.

I think my allergies are getting the best of me.  Or my psychological feelings are creating worse symptoms than usual.  Despite the numerous hours of sleep, I'm going to go to bed early tonight.  I need to go to work tomorrow.  I can't keep allowing my personal pain and anxiety to prevent me from earning a living.  I'll get there.  This is just a small hiccup in a long scheme of things but in reality, I'm ready for it to be over and for me to be back to "normal"- whatever that is now.