Not only did I get up for the 8am appointment but I actually got through it. Two cavities and two fillings, the drills and the suction and all the unpleasantness but it's done. Sure, there are still more cavities and more fillings needed (the result of not going to dentist for a few years) but they will be fixed later. With my mouth still numb, I went to my therapy appointment where I had a decent conversation with the wise woman. I left my last appointment feeling devastated but this one felt better.
We talked about the depression, the lethargy, and my frustration with it. I hate the numbness and the lack of energy. Unfortunately, because our focus was on the anxiety and the trauma, we didn't talk much about the depression symptoms. At least, not alone. When we talked about these symptoms, it was always in relation to the anxiety or the trauma. It wasn't just depression but today it was and we realized that we haven't really met it yet. We don't really know it. We don't know where it comes from, what thoughts surround it, and what tools are needed. It wasn't want I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear "do this and this and it should go away on its own." But sadly, there aren't any miracle cures: no antibiotics for general sadness. So it sort of feels like starting over and that's frustrating.
Dave and I talked a little bit about it and he is so understanding and supportive. I love him. Sometimes I wonder why that can't be enough for me?
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