Vague rantings

Today is another one of those days that I have zero desire to write.  I don't even want to try.  I have a ton of emotions and feelings deep within me somewhere but I feel locked away from them and I don't even want to begin to attempt to discuss them.  I feel like I have a big decision to make but I don't know what I want or what I should do.  It's amazing what a single night can do.  Yesterday afternoon, I could answer pointed questions but now, I don't have any answers.

Just so everyone knows.  I am okay.  Just really down and am really glad I have a therapy appointment on Monday.  I need to talk with someone who can offer me some sound advice.  Someone who might be able to see how what I'm feeling now translates to something that happened in the past.  Maybe this has nothing to do with the past at all but I feel like it does.  I thought I might have been able to come to terms with what's bothering me tone tight but that hasn't happened.  I feel as confused as ever.  Should I just settle with this particular desire?  I was happy before I realized just how badly I wanted it.  I've always heard that one should never settle but are there certain circumstances where settling is a legit option?  Is there a way I can move past this part and come to terms with it as opposed to settling?  These are just some of the questions that I feel desperate to have answered and it's one that many people will have countless opinions on which is why I'd just prefer to talk to a professional.

Well I got through two paragraphs tonight.  I just need to figure out something to write for tomorrow and Sunday.  Hopefully by Monday, I have a clearer picture of what I'm dealing with.  I'm hoping that some resolution will come but something tells me that this is one of those situations that is going to get worse before it gets better.  Sorry for the vagueness.  Maybe once I can figure out what it actually is that I'm dealing with, I might be able to talk about it more but right now this is something I just need to keep private.   That alone says so much to me...