Letters to Sleep

Dear Sleep,

We've had a complicated relationship for a while now and I'm hoping that through this letter, we may be able to come to some sort of agreement.  Throughout high school, we had a difficult time for I found it hard to be tired enough to go to bed by 10pm, I felt so proud of everything I accomplished that day and it was around that time that I gave some time to myself.  I find it hard to not get overwhelmed when I a full day ahead of me (even if it is a day full of fun plans).  When the day ends, I feel a sense of freedom and it awakens me as I feel compelled to embrace every moment of that freedom and try to put of the next morning for as long as possible.  Sadly though, when my morning alarm sounded the next day, I found it practically impossible to open my eyes and drag myself out of bed.  Walking around my room like a zombie with my eyes still half shut with sleep, I'd fumble with my clothes and get myself ready for school.  During the day, I'd go through cycles and always resisted napping as I believed it would make going to bed that evening more difficult than normal.

Over the course of college, our relationship took on a different look.  One where I would try to assert my individuality and tried to give us as must distance as I could muster.  Hanging out with friends or working on assignments all night and going to classes the next day with little to no sleep at all.  When I couldn't deny my need for you much more, I would lie down and insist on taking twenty minute power naps.   They energized my body and stimulated my mind allowing me just enough to continue to living the life I was creating.  In fact, throughout most of college I came out the victor in most of our battles.  If you managed to get me to sleep more than four or five hours during those years, it was a major success.

Within the last year, our relationship has shifted again.  Your ability to overpower me is much stronger than it used to be when I was in college.  Some days, I feel like you are attempting to regain all the hours I stole from you those years ago.  There are times when I wake up from your hold only to realize that ten or sometimes even twelve hours have passed.  All of this would be fine, if I felt that I had extra amounts of energy and motivation during the day but I don't.  Since, then I've tried to accommodate myself to your desires and I realize that you are quite fickle with me.  There are nights when I feel completely overwhelmed by you but you won't allow me to drift off and then when I desperately need to stay awake, I find myself almost entirely unable.  I spend most days wondering whether or not I'll have met enough of your requirements to get through my daily tasks.

So, I'm writing you this letter to propose a potential agreement.  I promise that I will try and get to go to bed at approximately the same time every night if you would allow me to actually sleep during those hours.  Also, I  will make sure that I will stay awake during the day to prevent difficulties later, but please allow me to feel semi well-rested at a reasonable hour in the morning.   I will give you a week or two to think about this and I will try to show you that I am committed to making this relationship work.  I hope that you will see my effort and maybe do a bit more on your end to help us both win.

Please think about it and let me know.

Sincerely and with much love,

Denise