Decisions on the Dock

She sat on the dock with her feet casually dangling in the water.  The cool water splashed against her ankles and calves as she gazed at the sun which was beginning to set in the distance.  She hadn't intended on watching the sky as it changed colors from a light blue, to pink, and purple but she didn't feel like going back inside either.   Right now, she needed to be alone.  She needed to think.   As she felt her shoulders warm under the fading sunlight she remembered that it had been hours since she last applied sunscreen and that her pale, freckled skin would probably be very upset with her tomorrow but again, that didn't matter right now.

What mattered was that summer was almost over and she knew she was going to have to face one of the biggest decisions in her life.  She didn't feel ready for it; she longed for the days when college was still miles away and she had all the time in the world to enjoy her high school life unburdened.  On this late August evening, however, with college turning the corner on her street, she couldn't ignore it anymore.  In less than a week she would be packing her suitcases and leaving her small town behind to move to the big city.  

It would take her almost ten hours to reach the prestigious school in Boston.  Everyone was so excited for her and she couldn't help but feel excited too.  There was a new world waiting for her, the next chapter in the book of her life but it wasn't that life that worried her.  It was the one that she was leaving behind; it was who she was leaving behind.  The only person not excited for the upcoming journey was the person she had spent almost everyday with since the beginning of her junior year.  Though he would never express that he wanted her to stay, she knew.  His excitement for her felt forced; he did not have the same opportunities.  No, he was force to stay here, attend the community college in the neighboring town, and continue working at the family business. 

When he dropped her off tonight, she knew the decision she would have to make tomorrow.  She knew what he'd been planning all summer though she wasn't quite sure how exactly she knew.  She didn't feel ready to make that decision yet but saying no would break his heart.   How could she make that kind of a promise? Her focus had always been on school; she didn't spend the last four years studying until the wee hours in the morning for nothing.  She wasn't ready to be engaged but she loved him.  She loved him in the way she always dreamed about loving him and she could picture them getting married and she wanted to get married to him but not now.  

Sure she could travel to school with a ring on her hand; it's not like she had any intention of dating anyone while she was there.  No, this was just hiatus.  Their relationship was strong, enough to handle the distance.  They would see each other over the summers and on school breaks and maybe he'd even be able to come up and visit for a weekend every once in a while.  Not mention, the technology today would allow them to see and talk to each other on almost a daily basis anyway.  They just wouldn't be able to go get ice cream after school or drive along the beach in his truck on the weekends.  Why not just be engaged at school?  

Still, this engagement, the proposal that she would receive tomorrow, this wasn't how she envisioned getting engaged.  But then, not all proposals can be achieved the way the are in her dreams.  This relationship was everything she'd ever dreamed of so did it matter if the proposal wasn't?  She sat and gazed at the horizon.  It was getting dark and the mosquitoes were buzzing near her ears reminding her that it was time for their dinner.    She brushed them away.  No, the proposal didn't matter, she had decided.  Tomorrow, when he asks she would answer yes.   School was just a challenge that many young couples face but she wasn't worried.  

Slowly she stood up, slipped on her sandals, and began walking the length of the dock back to her house.  Tomorrow she would be officially promised to someone else and her left hand would hold a jewel she'd never worn before.  She smiled at the thought and wondered why she ever doubted the decision in the first place.