Irritated

I'm annoyed.  I hate feeling annoyed.  Maybe it's just because I'm hungry.  For whatever reason I get cranky when I'm hungry and when I'm tired which is more annoying as I never used to feel that way back in college.  I used to be able to function just fine with little sleep and no food.   Now, I suck.  Then again, I used to be far more emotionally stable back that and didn't have a panic attack at the first hint of an upset stomach too.  Is this just a part of getting older?  Should I expect to become even more lame and ill-equipped to handle life as I get older?  If so, I've been seriously disillusioned.  I thought that shit was supposed to get better.   Were my early twenties really my peak?   I sincerely hope not since I wasted them.  Am I wasting my years now?

Where is this irritation coming from?  It really can't be all from the email I received from the Hospice class.  Tomorrow we are meeting with the chaplain and will be speaking about spirituality.  That's fine. However, she notes in italics,  "please remember that we will each be sharing something spiritual with the class."  Seriously?  Who says I want to discuss my spirituality with the class?  Maybe I'm an atheist with nothing to share.  Maybe I got issues with my spirituality and don't want to get into it with the class.  She will also be taking photos of us because there is nothing I enjoy more than having my picture taken at 9 in the morning.

A curve ball was thrown when she stated that due to new regulations we need to do the TB test twice in a row.  I went a week ago to get the TB test already.  Now I need to take it again.  Maybe twice?  WTF?  Sure let me drive thirty minutes to be poked with a needle or two and then drive all the way back.  For what exactly?  So that we don't give the dying an contagious diseases?  According to the CDC, TB can stay dormant for years before symptoms begin.  We will be visiting people who need to have a doctor's referral that states they have less than six months to live and if they show too much improvement while on hospice they will be "graduated" from it.   Of course, we can't risk giving them TB.   Yeah, yeah, I know it's totally bigger than that since we will be going to facilities but really two TB tests in a row.  Didn't I need to be vaccinated for it when I went to school?  Finally she mentioned that we need to bring our Certificate of Health sign off by our doctor which I haven't got yet (we still have one more week).  Why a certificate of health? So that they can be sure to don't visit the dying with contagious diseases.

Don't get me wrong.  I do not want to get anyone sick.  In fact, I will probably not go on a visit if I'm feeling ill knowing that their immune systems are compromised enough.  I get it.  On a logical level, I understand why they want to make sure we are healthy.  However, I'm not reacting logically.  I'm being over emotional and ridiculous.  Something about the whole email just sort of set me off.  Again, maybe it's the lack of food.  Of course, it could also be that I'm worried about Dave.  He's gone to get dinner at Boston Market and they closed the one closest to us so he's traveling some distance.  My anxiety may be getting the better of me.  I read that you can't be angry and anxious at the same time so that anxiety can present itself with irritation.

Yay, he just got home.  Let me see if I feel any better now that I can eat something.

Anniversary

A year ago today I married Dave.  I can't believe how fast the year went since it still feels like we married only a couple of months ago.  Now that we've reached our first year, does that no longer make us newlyweds?  I still feel newly married though I sign my new name with relative ease nowadays.  I'm so incredibly lucky to have him as my husband.  Really, I can't get over it.  It went by so fast.  I wonder if some years will feel longer than others.  In a way, I hope my perception of time slows because it stays like this year, we will be in our eighties before we know it.

We have decided to save the "anniversary" until this weekend.  Both of us worked today and I didn't get to see him until I got home at 9:30.   Despite it being our one year anniversary, it felt a bit muted.  We did enjoy our cake which still tastes delicious.  Aside from that though, it was just like any other night.  Two more days until Vermont.  I can't wait.

Thank you to everyone who wished us a happy anniversary.  We love you all.

Monday's done

I had a wonderful phone conversation with Jamie tonight.  It was so nice to talk with her.  We were able to do some much needed venting and before I knew it we had been on the phone for over an hour and a half.   I'm so lucky to have a friend like her.  We realized not that long ago that we've been friends for almost twenty years.  Holy cow!  It's kind of amazing.  In many ways, we are like sisters from different parents.  We've had some pretty major fights but I think that they've really helped us grow and our friendship is stronger as a result.

Aside from my conversation with her, I've been counting down the minutes until I finish work before my vacation.  I'm feeling super restless.  Luckily I've got to make it through just seven more hours.  After that, it's just a matter of busying myself for more days which is something I can do easily.  I really can't wait until Friday.  I can't wait for the hotel, for Ben & Jerry's, Cold Hollow Cider Mill, and everything Stowe.  I have to admit, I can't help but feel a sense of foreboding.  This happens before every vacation.  I'm always get super anxious that something is going to happen that prevents us from going.

I can't think about that now though.  Just got to be patient.

Short!

After I got out of work my parents offered to take Dave and me out to dinner in celebration of our one year anniversary.   Although they wanted to treat us to a fancy Japanese restaurant, we opted for the more casual venue of Unos.  It was nice of them to buy us dinner.  Before I arrived I was tired and somewhat cranky but between dinner and good conversation I began to feel more like myself.  When we got home, we discussed my sister's wedding a bit (Dave is working on their website).   They are almost a full year out.  Dave and I will be celebrating our two year anniversary when they get married.  It's sort of surreal.

Okay, I'm ending this post abruptly.  It's 1am.  I've been up since 6:30 and Dave is going to bed and threatening to fall asleep before me.   He got to sleep in so I can't let that happen.  Plus joining an unconscious husband isn't nearly as fun as when he's awake.

Almost 1 year

Naps are a wonderful thing.  Really.  This afternoon, Dave and I took a nice long nap and it was just what I needed.  When we decided to snuggle I wasn't all that tired but I almost immediately fell asleep on his chest and dosed.   What's strange is that I normally can't fall asleep like that because I like my pillow too much but today was different.   Since it was a nap, I kind of drifted in and out of sleep and it was so comforting to briefly wake up and still have his arms wrapped around me.

Will this ever get old?   It's almost a year since we got married and still I love being around him.  I can't wait to come home to every day and hate it when he leaves in the morning.  We're going away next weekend to the place that inspired our wedding theme.  We could have gotten married in the summer in the city or in a garden during the spring but it was Stowe Mountain Lodge and the numerous autumn journeys to the area that made us want a fall, rustic wedding.   I had no idea that rustic weddings were all the rage at the time.  Ah well.

I can't believe it's almost a year.  Sadly we will both be working Tuesday and unable to really celebrate until 9pm that night.  Luckily though, come Friday we will have a long weekend to enjoy.  To say "I can't wait" would be a huge understatement.

Work

Worked late this evening and didn't get home until after 11pm.  It's strange working so late now because it doesn't feel like it's now midnight.  It doesn't really help that I woke up so incredibly late.  I don't know if it was the rain or what but I didn't wake up until the afternoon.  So yeah, that probably made things somewhat worse.

Between waking up late and working all evening, nothing really exciting happened today.  That's not a bad thing but it doesn't make writing this post very easy.   Last night, I received a call from my mom who confirmed fraud on her credit card.  It was really cool to actually use my knowledge of the process to help someone close to me.

This job may not be exactly what I'm looking for but I can't deny that I've learned some life skills.  Not to mention that it aided in my desire to learn more about finances in general.  I like the fact that I'm interest in money.  It's surprising but very useful.   The looming question now is, what do I do with this new knowledge.  Do I continue to pursue it by taking classes to become a Certified Financial Planner?  Do I try and look for other jobs in the industry?   Do I just chock it up to something that I've learned and will use but maybe look into something different to interest me.

We'll see.

Pain

For some reason I've been super tired all day today.  I got a good amount of sleep.  Maybe I just woke up weirdly.  Thankfully my class got out early because I was struggling through it.   Since hospice is mainly about managing patient's pain, I learned that there are two genes that are responsible for pain.  Small variations in these genes can determine different levels of pain tolerance that individuals have.  Of course, I have no real idea about the science behind that.   When I tried to read up on it later the science talk overwhelmed me.  If I really sat down and focused I could probably make some sense of it but I don't particularly feel like it.

Bizarrely, NPR interviewed a scientist today about our body's electricity.  During it, she also went into the pain genes and receptors.   Two totally different programs about the same issue in the same day.  That kind of thing happens to me from time to time.   She talked about the fact that there are a very small percentage of people out there who can't feel any pain whatsoever (I knew this from a House episode) and there are people who feel pain almost all the time.  It was a fascinating show.  There are obvious reasons for not wanting the hypersensitivity to pain but we forget how helpful pain is to our survival.

Pain is an indicator that something is wrong.  Imagine your appendix bursting and not being able to feel it.  You'd die never knowing anything was wrong.  A simple fall would leave your questioning whether you broke something.   It's really hard to imagine not feeling any pain though.  When your feeling it, I hardly ever think "wow thank goodness I can feel this."   Another strange oddity, the one crime story that bothered me over a year ago complete with kidnapping and torture is on right now.  I haven't seen it since the last time but have thought about it constantly.  It became the "thank God,that didn't happen to me" whenever I had a nightmare or flashback.

Those poor women probably would have loved not feeling the pain.   Still, I suppose you really can't go around wishing your had this weird genetic anomaly on the improbable chance that you will be kidnapped and tortured.  Because these girls were tortured they survived.  If they weren't able to feel the pain, they probably would've been killed immediately.  Yeah, yeah. I know.  Only I would think like this.

The Big E

Dave and I did a Big E do over today.  He was able to get the day off of work at the last minute so we decided to try again since Saturday didn't work out so well.  Oh, it was so much better than our first attempt.  Definitely recommending going during the week while people are at work and kids are at school though it picks up quite a bit after 3pm.  

Really, we go to the Big E just for the food.  Slowly, I'm beginning to understand how enjoying food can be when you look forward to it and take the time to eat it.  It was something I didn't understand while we were in Paris.  That's not to say that I didn't enjoy eating while I was there because it was Paris and French food is delicious.   However, there was a point when I actually turned to Jamie and said, "Seriously, I cannot eat anymore.  If we stop to get more food I'm going to flip out."  

I had a whole post planned while I was there but I'm tired now and it's time for bed.

A Practical Wedding

I've started reading A Practical Wedding again.  As I've been reading more and more blogs I am drawn back to this one and I kind of regret my hiatus.   To be honest, I was kind of sad that it wasn't Meg writing all the time.  She got herself a staff.  It's amazing but she was the reason I used to read it and she was the one whose writings helped keep me centered in the wedding world.  It was the reason I couldn't connect with the Offbeat Wedding blog initially.  There were too many different voices by the time I started reading it.  Not to mention that I didn't particularly like it's exclusivity--why did I have to be engaged to read it.  Sure I could have pretended to be engaged back when Katie got engaged so I could read what she was reading but it just didn't feel right to me.  Clearly, I develop opinions quickly and let them color my decisions.  

Not reading Offbeat Wedding was my loss.  Not theirs.  Who knows how many clever and great ideas were shared that I missed?  When I chose to stop following A Practical Wedding, I missed out on some pretty cool stuff.  Like the fact that she went on a book tour with her book.  She had just published it when I stopped reading the blog.  She came to Boston and gave a talk.  This person who inspired me was in my area and I missed seeing her.  My wedding photographer took pictures of the event and I know I would have been surrounded by like-minded people.   So yeah, I missed out because I allowed my hasty opinions to get the better of me. 

About a week ago she wrote a post about pregnancy (she is now pregnant, I missed that too).   In the comments someone mistakes her post as an email and someone else commented, "it also made me think how it often feels like Meg is writing to us each, personally, you know? That's why I love APW."  It was then that I realize what I love the most about her blog.  She does make me feel like she is writing to me--like she is actually a friend of mine.  Sometimes I even talk about her like I know her.  I really feel like I do.  In some ways I do through her writing but that's very different than a friend.  She doesn't know me at all.  

It's awkward really because I end up feeling like a huge fan girl.   I find myself wanting to write her an email saying things like, "Thank you for helping to keep me sane while I was planning my wedding.  I've followed your blog from the beginning and I'm in awe of how it's grown.  It's super inspiring."  No, I didn't actually send that to her because really, fan girl much?   It's kind of weird being a fan of an internet wedding blogger but I'd say I'm a bigger fan of her than I am of most actors, athletes, musicians, and other famous people.    And if I'm being completely honest with myself, I think being a fan of a blogger is rather cool.  

Football

It's almost midnight and we are watching the amazing and very odd end of the Green Bay Packers and Seattle SeaHawks football game.  I'm far from a major football fan but the controversy about the referees and the league has piqued my interest.  Honestly, I haven't watched any of this game but this ending is unbelievable.  With no time left on the clock, the SeaHawks threw a Hail Mary pass that appeared to be intercepted by the Green Bay Packers.  It was close yet the referees gave it to the SeaHawks!

For those of you who don't follow football, the games are being played without the regular officials.  If you do actually follow football more closely, please bear with me and my horrible explanation.  Every year the league normally gives the referees a raise.  During discussions this year, the league stated that the referees would receive a larger raise but have to convert their pensions to 401Ks.  This did not sit well with the referees who counter-offered with no raise but grandfathering the pensions for current officials and using 401Ks for any new referees.   The league rejected this and prevented the referees from calling games while further discussions ensued.

The officials calling the games really don't have the experience to be calling games at this level.  Many of these referees have come from Division 3 college (the lowest out of 3 divisions), high school, and some of these guys are still refereeing middle school games.  The NFL is a completely different league.  As a result, many questionable calls have been made that have left players and fans demanding for the league to meet the referees demands and get them back on the field.  Turn on any sports radio station and this controversy will be what you hear about.  There was a the question of whether the league would maybe give in if these bad calls actually cause a team to win or lose a game.   Well, that game happened tonight and everyone is in absolute shock by it.

This is going to be the talk of the week and I actually might tune in for a little bit.

Angry

Sigh.  This apartment complex is going to be the death of me.  Seriously, maybe I really do just need  a life smack.  Change the job.  Change the house.  Change the husband?  Okay, not the last one but really I feel like in the past week, the world has smacked the "what are you doing?' questions over my head.  It makes me mad.  There is no other place that we can go and get this rate and I actually like the apartment.  It fits our needs right now.  What doesn't fit is this ridiculousness that my apartment enjoys doing.

Once again we receive another letter stating that they that "The Hamilton Company Maintenance Department Supervisor and an inspector from our bank will be entering apartments at random between 9am-5pm to do an apartment inspections.  If needed these inspections may carry over to the following days."  They were supposed to come last Tuesday so I made sure I was ready and they never came.  Now this?  Really it makes me so mad that I could spit.  Maybe I will when they come in.  Is it illegal to spit at people when they enter your apartment unannounced?  I'll make sure I do it on the bank inspectors shoes.

Sadly, if they take that as a threat then I suppose they could call the cops and I'd have to be bailed out of jail which would make whatever we were saving by living here completely useless.  So now, spitting is out.  I'm tempted to pretend to be naked under a towel and follow too closely near them while they "inspect" the place under the pretense that I was about to take a shower before they entered.  Something tells me that would be far from a healthy response from someone sexually abused in the past.  I could booby trap the place and hang a bucket of water over each of the doors so that when they walk in they have to endure being soaked the rest of the day.   Of course, it would also soak Dave or me if they don't come.  It is almost Halloween I could put a skeleton or a mummy in the bed and have an alarm set to sound a scream every ten minutes.

I won't do any of those unfortunately.  Instead I'll wake up early everyday and make sure I'm dressed before they come and that the apartment is presentable and let them screw me over for the next week.   God, I'm way too good at that.  I think I need to discuss some anger management with my wise woman the next time I see her.

Emotional

Dave and I journeyed out to western Massachusetts for the Big E.   Holy cow getting there was super frustrating.   As soon as we got into the car my right eye started acting up with weird film appearing in my vision and getting super dry.  I kept putting eye drops in and trying to give my eyes a rest but eventually I just ended up wearing glasses.   Also, it took 3 and a half hours to get there!  It's only an hour away but the traffic was horrific.  I don't think I've ever seen it so bad.  We handled it well at first but by the end I think we were both ready to scream.

It was an absolute zoo there but we had a good time.   We got our Maine baked potato and drank the apple cider we brought for our wedding.  It was a really nice day too.  I don't think I ever felt too warm or too cold.   Sadly, due to our late arrival and the craziness we didn't do many of the things we wanted to so we are thinking about going back during the week at some point.  My parents were going to join us but couldn't and I'm kind of glad they didn't come.  It was super busy and I just don't think they would've enjoyed it.  Not today anyway.

On the way home, we began talking and I had an anxiety attack because of work.  It was one of those, "what am I doing with my life" kind of moments.  I just feel so overwhelmed and frustrated by my current place.   By the time we pulled into our parking lot I all but jumped out of the car and started walking.  Luckily Dave is awesome and after walking for about ten minutes, we came inside and he drew me a bath.  I don't need to have it all figured out tonight and I am doing little things that just require some patience.  I'll figure it out.

Photogenic

I'm super excited for my tummy to stop being angry with me.  It's been three days now and I don't know what I did to make it so mad.  Hopefully I can appease it tonight.  Okay, that's enough complaining.

Our SLR camera came today!!  As I'm writing this post, Dave is making faces into it trying to learn how to use it.   It's like Christmas!   He's so cute taking these pictures then looking down at the screen to check it out.  Right now the camera is turned on me.  Apparently I'm horrible to photograph because I immediately change my expression once I realize that the camera is on me.  He just wants to get me naturally.  I've never been photogenic.  In fact, many times I hate having my picture taken since any of those "natural" ones look awful.

Dave says it's because I never relax my face.  It's constantly moving and I'm constantly making faces.  I'm not sure if it's a nervous tick or what but it only seems to get worse when I know that there is a camera around.  Oddly enough, despite all these faces I've never been very expressive.   I remember taking photographs with Katie one time and it was like watching a model at work.  That girl was able to change her expression so often that the photos showcased multiple feelings.   I don't have that talent.

Eh, you can't get everything right?

Head Games

The Boston Film Festival is in town and Dave and I journeyed into the theater district of the city.  The movies are showing at the Stuart Street Playhouse in the Revere Hotel.  This theater was stunning.  It is both a movie theater and a stage theater.  I mean, you can't show major Broadway plays but it would be perfect for many kinds of community theater.  As soon as I walked into the auditorium I wished we had bought the VIP tickets that allowed us to see all the shows and take part in the whole festival.  Alas, with work and alternative plans for Saturday, I'm glad we got to see this one.

Our movie, Head Games, was a documentary about potential brain injuries that can result from multiple head trauma due to contact sports like hockey and football.   This is an issue that is slightly close to me as I think that I have a cousin who might be affected by something similar.  The documentary was alright.  I definitely support the issue.  However, my favorite part of the night was the fact that the main people in the documentary came onstage after the movie for a Q & A session.   Even I asked a question of the panel!  It was so cool.

Maybe next year, I might consider really doing more of the festival.  This event was really awesome and I would love to see more in this theater.

First day

The first day of my menstrual cycle has been a nightmare today.  My word.  Thank Goodness I didn't have to work because I think I would've had to call in.  I've taken Advil nonstop all day and the pain remains a dull ache.  Still, I'm just happy that it's not the major kind of pain that I felt this morning and just a few minutes ago.

Something about it being that bad scares me in a way that I just don't understand.  I spent about forty minutes this morning fighting both the pain and the panic that seems to come with it.  Eventually Dave's alarm woke him a little and he got me the heating pad and a lorazapam. With that I felt my mind quiet a bit and I focus on the warmth of Dave's arms.  It calmed me and I drifted off into sleep.

I am really looking forward to hopefully getting off this mental medication and back on the menstrual one.  So far I'm doing really well with the lower dosage so I just hope I can maintain it through February or March.  I don't trust going through the winter without it at all.  Still that means maybe April or May?  That's what- 8 more months?  8 more terrible periods.  I guess I can make that work.  Plus, last month was actually fine!  Maybe this month is making up for it.

Also I want to thank my mom for the email she sent today and Jamie for getting me to go for a walk.  It was so nice to hear from each of them.  And Jamie's hug just made my day... so thank you both.  I really needed it.  Love you!

Rejected

My heart was broken today.   I felt hurt in a way that I haven't felt in a really, really long time.  What's worse was that I walked right into it.  Had I listened to my intuition, I would have avoided this whole thing and I could still be in some ignorance or denial or whatever it was.  Though I feel really embarrassed about this, I think I am going to talk about it here.  

So as many of you know, I've decided to look into hospice care and become a volunteer.  In fact, I actually signed up for a Hospice training course taking place on Thursday mornings.  I had my first class last week and liked it.  At the class we received some paperwork including three reference forms that needed to be filled out by anyone other than family.  I hate reference forms.  I hate having to ask people to complete them for me so of course my initial reaction was, "who am I going to ask?" 

Dave mentioned my coworkers and something about it just didn't feel right.  Still, I thought about it and figured that they would be easy to ask since I see them so often.   So last night I sent an email out to those coworkers on my team that I've had a decent relationship.  They didn't respond.  I knew then that I should just let it go because in truth, they don't understand what I've gone through recently. 

Like most people I've encountered, they've tried to be supportive but really they feel like this is something that happened years ago and I just need to get over it.  They see and probably resent that fact that I've had to call in because of my issues and think I'm not going to have the mental capabilities to handle something like hospice.  Maybe I won't but I feel like I want to try.  

Anyway, with these potential thoughts and feelings in the background, no one responded to my email.  Of course, feeling vulnerable I pushed a little further when I just should have cut my losses and walked.  Still I told them that the forms were on my desk and showed them what they looked like before I left for the evening.  Today, when I came in I received two notes saying, "I wish you the best of luck but I don't complete referrals."  

And there it was: I was being rejected, big time.   In fact, these people who I thought I had established some sort of relationship with might not like me at all.   I've spent all this time time justifying my job because of the people and I now realize that maybe that's all it is: a justification.  Maybe it really is time for me to leave.  I mean, sure when I move to first shift I will be leaving this team but maybe I really do need to start looking elsewhere all together. 

Of the six people I asked, I had two people who came forward.  Perhaps I should just focus on their wonderful responses.  Still, it's hard to swallow that four people who I thought would be really supportive didn't feel like that could do this for me.  Two told me no outright and two didn't respond at all.  When I got home I cried at Dave for a bit and then distracted myself with another conversation topic.  

At this point though, I've realized that I place a much higher value on these relationships I thought I had at work so I could justify my staying there.  I haven't been looking for two main reasons: one is that I don't have any idea what I should be looking for and two is that I've been so afraid of interviews.  I'm afraid of being rejected.  I've stayed at this job because I thought I was safe from that kind of rejection.  Now, though it's all changed.  My coworkers, my team of almost two years just flat out rejected me.  

I suppose rejection is a part of life.  In a way, I can understand it from them.  It's been a really tough year for me and they've picked my slack.  There will be times that I'm sure I'll be rejected for far worse reasons.  If I crumble with every rejection, I'll never get anywhere so I think its time for me to put myself back out there.  I mean, what is my excuse going to be now? 

Apartment

My silly apartment landlords may be stopping by tomorrow morning which means that I need to be up and either ready to receive them or out of my apartment by 9am tomorrow.  I wish they were coming being 11 and 1 rather than 9-11 but whatever.  I just hope they come so that they won't need to come again.  We got the new terms for our lease agreement.  They are waiting on our signature which is due by the 23rd of the month.  

There are a lot of big downsides to this apartment.  Regardless, I do think we will be staying another year.  Despite their increasing our rent by $50 per month, it is still the best deal around.  Plus the location is ideal for where we are each working.   I'd rather save the $300/month and put it toward our debt than toward an upgraded apartment.  What's scary is that we have such a great deal that if we choose to go anywhere else close by we'll be increasing our rent by that amount.  So yeah, I think we can manage the downsides here for a bit longer.  

Sadly that means that I will need to wake up at a reasonable hour.  Maybe I'll do some writing.  I sort of need to get on that.  

Old fashioned

My eyes feel heavy with sleepiness.  I've worked, had a Sunday dinner with my family, and logged my steps for the day.   Now it's just a matter of writing this post before going to bed.  I enjoy reading while I walk and am actually enjoying my first books via the kindle.   There's even a possibility of me adjusting to it.  It's not the same as a real book.  I like the weight of a book dense with words.  The feel of the pages as I turn them adds an element that cannot be replaced.   I can't imagine a world without actual books and I hope that if it must exist I'm not around to see it.  It won't be anytime soon, that's for sure.

Still, sometimes I wonder if this is how people my grandparents age felt about the printed word.  They had typewriters but they had to feel like something powerful was lost by typing rather than writing it by hand.   Even I love the way the pen feels in my hand as it glides over paper.   My hand is weak now.  If I spend too long writing my hand will actually hurt in a way that it never did before.  Men don't know how to write by hand anymore and more and more women have lost its art.  When my grandfather passed, I read some of the letters that he wrote to my grandmother as a young man in the war.  His writing was elegant, beautiful, and still masculine.  There was a depth of feeling in the handwriting itself beyond the words.  Even song lyrics carried the weight of his emotion.

I think I'm just too old fashioned for today.  I love typing my posts and I find that I can type faster than I can write which is very helpful when trying to put all my thoughts on paper.   That said, I fear that one day kids won't even learn to write by hand because it has become obsolete.  Can you imagine the handwritten word being as artistic as calligraphy is today?  Will they imitate fonts?  Ah, my mind is shutting down.  I'm not thinking clearly anymore and it is time for bed.

Mother/Daughter date

I got to celebrate the gorgeous day with my mother.   This was the second mother/daughter date we've had in the last couple of months and I am really enjoying them.   We went into Cambridge walking and talking for hours.  Seriously, we walked for miles.  She showed me all around where she grew up.  We went to her childhood home and all the places that she played.   The city really was her playground.  She showed me the building where she met my dad and the church that they married.  It was really awesome.   My mother is the best.  I want more days like this.  

Walking around we realized that there was a lot happening.  We must have stumbled upon four different weddings.  Really it was a gorgeous day for it.  What's crazy is that these weddings were in locations that I never even knew about.  Had we gone through with the urban wedding theme that we were tossing about, there were plenty of places to choose from in Cambridge.  I don't regret anything about our wedding venue but had I seen these potential that Cambridge offered I might have considered it a bit more seriously.   We also caught someone as they were surprised by a group of his friends on a boat.   It was just cool.  

Great day with the best mom in the world!!

Hey you got to start small

I waited too long to post and now I'm tired.  Going to work was difficult and I was just angry at a lot of things for no reason.   Angry and depressed and forcing myself to get in the office.  While there I was going through my emails and I saw that my boss sent a "Thought of the Day" which was all about taking action and asking for what you want.  I don't know if it was my frustration or what but I walked into her office and said, "I don't want to do nights anymore."  Okay, it wasn't exactly like that but it was close.  I sat down and told her that I really needed to go back to days and we worked out a schedule.  Eventually, I will be working Sunday through Thursday.

Now, it won't happen immediately which is actually a good thing because I got some stuff going on for the next few weeks.  She needs to find someone to cover my shift at night so I'll probably not be able to make the change until January at the earliest.  Something tells me I'll be walking into her office again in January and pressing the issue further but she was all for it.  In addition, I also talked to her about hiring a friend of mine.   It seems like we definitely have the positions.  There were only four posted on the wall but apparently we are looking to hire 11 people so if anyone needs a job... send them my way.

Of course, I would recommend making them read some of my entries first because then they'll have some idea of what they are getting into by applying.  It totally turned my day around.  Yes, I know.  I need to find another job all together and I will but I just don't feel ready yet.  This is a great work around until I figure out if the couple of things I'm working on turn into something of greater interest.  It will just be so nice to have nights off.  Not to mention a Friday night and a Saturday.  That's the best part.