Shopping

Jamie and I went shopping today and I actually bought myself stuff.  She was so proud of me.  I've now got some cute dresses for Christmas parties and date nights.  You know, I'm quite proud of myself.  Not for buying the clothing (though I'm happy that I did) but for not becoming all worked up over my weight and whatnot.  I've stated a couple days ago that I've gone and gained a lot of the weight I lost before the wedding back and for the first time, I'm okay with it.  While shopping, I found myself pulling "larges" without hardly a second thought.  I've never pulled a large off the rack before and on any other day I would have been quietly berating myself.

I'm not sure where this acceptance has come from.  Perhaps it's because I've already lost the weight, gained it back, lost it again, gained it again.  Sure, I could begin exercising like a fiend and lose the weight again.  I could monitor every piece of food I eat and possibly lose the weight as well.  However, I've done both of those before.  Yes, diet and exercise work but only when you do it regularly.  It needs to be a lifestyle change.  It can't be something that you do for a couple of months and then revert back. Yes, I'm am not eating and exercising the way I should be but I need to make a change in lifestyle.  I need to change my daily habits.

My daily routine consists of sitting at a desk for eight hours a day, then driving to a second job, sitting at that job for six hours, sitting to write my post, and going to bed three days a week.  Three other days of the week, I sit a work for eight hours, come home and sit and watch television.  Saturday, my day off, rarely has much exercise.  My meals tend to consist of fast food and snacking on cookies, candy, whatever I can get my hands on.  Right now, I need to figure out something that is going to work within that schedule.  Until then, I must accept that my weight is my reality right now and be okay with that.  Would I like to lose the weight?  Of course. More than that though, I want to develop a healthy lifestyle.

Maybe I'll figure that out sometime soon but probably not.  However, I have bigger fish to fry right now so it's best that I try and find clothing that fits me now.