Insecurity

Something happened today that just broke my heart.  It was a busy day filled with lots of crazy moments but it was in this little tiny moment that made the biggest impact and made it worth writing about.  A couple of weeks ago, my boss told me about a book she was reading.  The book sounded super interesting so I asked her if I could write down the name and author but she offered to loan it to me.  I asked her about it on Monday this week and she said that she really hadn't gotten a chance to get to it.  She has another book to read for her book club that she hadn't started yet so she volunteered to let me read it first and told me she'd bring it in.

For the passed week though she has forgotten to bring it in.  At first I just thought it was because our days were just so crazy.  She has so much on her shoulders and is so incredibly stressed out during the day.  She spent a good portion of today freaking out and yelled at me at one point but I understand.  It's like we're on the brink of opening a new business.  We're trying to keep the business we currently have and she is under constant pressure to gain new business ventures.  It's not easy and I don't envy her position.  Anyway, I sent her a text message last night as a reminder and she made a comment about how she didn't want anyone to see.  I told her I'd hide it in one of the folders until I could take it to my car.

This morning when I got in, I realized just how much the topic of this book means.  When she gave it to me, it was wrapped in not one but two plastic bags so that the title was impossible to see even if I took off the first bag and unwrapped the second one once.   She handed it to me and asked me to immediately go put it in my car which I did without hesitation.   On the elevator down, my heart broke for her.  She is such a beautiful woman and it pains me to know how insecure she is about this part of her life.  I just want to shake her and tell her that she needn't worry so much: she deserves everything she desires just like everyone else.

My plan is to bring the book back as a "Christmas" gift, all wrapped up so as to not draw any further attention to it.  I plan to read it as quickly as possible and I really hope that when she does eventually read it it gives her a far better feeling about herself.