Regression

I'm feeling better tonight than last night.  I took today off of work; I was just emotionally exhausted.  When I woke up this morning, I couldn't get out of bed despite more than enough hours of sleep last night.  So yeah, I needed today to decompress.  I actually went and got another massage to ease some of the tension and I took a bath.  I'm incredibly grateful for my family and friends.  They each reached out to me between yesterday and today.  I am very lucky to have all of them in my life.

I'm at a loss for words right now.  Though I'm not struggling, to say that I'm feeling fine and happy would be an overstatement.  I am very happy with my present life and I'm extremely grateful for the "now" but the recent discovery, the blatant reminder of the pain from the past, it's left quite a bitter aftertaste.  Sadly, I'm pretty sure my therapist is on vacation this week as I never did hear back from her.  I did go to the office for my medication appointment and chose not to reduce my dosage just yet.   I just wish I could talk to my wise woman.  I have questions that I really want to ask her and things I really want to discuss.

This is a setback that I wasn't prepared for.  I was moving forward and getting on with my life and now I feel as if I've regressed in so many ways.  These feelings are temporary; I know that.  However, that is of little comfort after all the hard work I've done thus far.  I feel like I was about finished with a book and lost the last five chapters.  I know the ending but there's all that rewriting that needs to be done.  I've never been good at starting from scratch after losing something I already worked so hard on so this is a new challenge.  One of the many challenges that tend to arise in life so I suppose it's good to get some decent practice.