So ready to feel better again

Waking up this morning, my throat felt like I had shards of glass lodged in it.  It was absolutely terrible.  Swallowing was so painful that I almost began to cry.  Though had I actually cried, I think it would have been just as much from exhaustion and frustration as pain.  It's been a while since I've been this sick for so long and I didn't want to get sick to begin with.  Yes, that is a strange statement but many times when I've gotten sick in the past it's been because I was trying to take on too much and getting sick was almost a welcome respite.  It gave me a couple of days of rest from my super crazy world.  Before this though I was quite happy with the pace of my life so getting sick has really just gotten in the way of many things I've been looking forward to doing.  

Today was another day spent literally sleeping all day though I did make the concerted effort to get to my therapy appointment.  For the first time since I began, I really didn't feel up to going today as my only desire was to sleep.  However, in the end I am glad that I did.  I discussed some of the thoughts and feelings regarding what came up while exercising in more detail and got some of the validation that I needed.  Yes, some of it could be related to my getting older and therefore making it more difficult to exercise but there is more going on.  As she said, "it makes sense.  You've done a lot of work this year and you may be more mentally ready to process this now."  She thinks that I've been so detached from my body for so long that I'm beginning to reconnect and she always says that "the body remembers" more than the mind.  She did caution me to not get too lost in those feelings though as it is very important that I   find the joy in exercise again. 

 So once, I'm well enough to continue I will definitely try and just walk and listen to my music and not allow myself to focus on those thoughts and feelings.  Right now though, I'm finding it difficult to get out of my hazy world of ick.  Alli seemed so much more functional during her bout with this plague.  Seriously, maybe I am just unable to tolerate this discomfort more than others.   Who knows but I'm really looking forward to feeling better really soon.  The key is to try and stay positive.