Productivity and so much more

Today was super productive.  Though we have yet to sign any contracts, we basically decided on both our DJ and officiant today!  This afternoon, I went down to the office and watched the videos of the two DJs that we had in the running.  Dave went and watched the videos last night after work and while I was working and when we discussed it on the way to meet the officiant tonight, we was clear we both came to the same decision.  Both of us think that the second dj we met last Thursday at the firehouse will be a great fit for us.  He was easy to talk to, had a great selection of music, able to get just about any music we want, and just seem like an overall good guy who will be easy to work with.  Not to mention, totally came in under budget (so far the only thing that's really come under budget).   The women in the office printed out the contracts so I think we will filled them out tomorrow and either mail them tomorrow night or fax them on Wednesday.

The highlight of the evening though was when we met our officiant.  He talked with us for almost three hours and when we left, I literally was so emotional that I cried tears of happiness.  We were recommended to him a few weeks ago by one of Dave's coworkers who saw him at another wedding and when we looked at his website, we thought he was just who we are looking for to conduct our ceremony.  Having a spiritual, but not so much a religious ceremony was really important to us.   It could be my Catholic upbringing but I have always viewed marriage as not only a physical, mental, and emotional commitment but a spiritual one as well.  To me, that's why marriage is such a big deal.  You are promising yourself to a person mind, body, and soul for the rest of your life.  It's not something you enter into lightly.

Anyway, I always sort of saw myself getting married by a minister or a priest but having drifted away from my faith years ago and Dave having a deep aversion to all things connected to anything with a dogma I was beginning to think that finding someone that would fit our needs was close to impossible.  So you can imagine how excited I was when Dave showed me Rev. Michael Scarlett's website and I immediately sent him an e-mail.  It was difficult meeting him at first but we finally met up today in a Barnes and Noble cafe and we both left knowing that not only did we want him to officiate our wedding and provide us pre-marital counselling (he also does that) but that we wanted him part of our lives in general.

When we were talking, it felt like he was speaking our mutual spiritual language.  Religion and spirituality has been a constant point of contention between Dave and me over the years and although we both appeared to be on the same page regarding our personal beliefs we had a really hard time describing them. Both of us have our own reasons for leaving our original belief systems and dogma far too painful to go into in this entry.  For us, any kind of spirituality/religion or lack thereof is entirely a personal decision and it's a very powerful decision that lies deep within us.  Neither of us believe that it's anyone's place to tell us what is the "right" way to believe or live.  Listening to the Reverend was so refreshing and it gave me such hope.  For the first time in a very long time, I almost felt connected to something so much bigger than me again.

I have a lot of anger toward the Catholic faith--displaced anger perhaps but anger nonetheless.  For years, it has burdened me and I've constantly felt like a large piece of myself was missing when I lost touch with my faith.  That is not to say that I rediscovered it tonight as I haven't even begun to address my issues yet but for the first time I feel like I could begin to work them out.  My current therapist can help me change my thought patterns and teach me some coping mechanisms to deal with my anxiety but she can't fill the void within me derived from my anger, resentment, and loss toward faith.  I've been seeking a spiritual advisor to possibly help me address some of those issues and I think I might have found one.  I don't know where it will lead but I'm hopeful.

All I know is that tonight we met a truly wonderful man who I can't wait to get to know more and continue working with.  Dave went to bed tonight but I think we will try and compose an e-mail to him to express our gratitude for his time and schedule our first marriage counselling session.  I'm super excited and truly feel at peace for the first time in a long time.  Jamie, if you are reading this... I think I finally had the experience I was looking for in Paris.