They weren't talking. In fact, most of their date they really hadn't been able to carry a conversation. It wasn't for her lack of trying. She had walked around the mall, dodging his kisses and frequent attempts are getting so close to her. This wasn't what she wanted; she wanted someone else but that relationship had failed before it had even started and she knew that wasn't a possibility. Although, she wasn't all that into him she did have to admire how adamantly he pursued her. No one had ever done that before so she couldn't really disagree with him when he told her that he was the only one who would put this much effort into getting a date from her.
Reluctantly she agreed. Now she wasn't really sure how she had gone from the mall to his bedroom. His father had said he needed to stop back at his place before taking her home and now she found herself sitting awkwardly in his cluttered bedroom. The fact that he didn't drive at the age of eighteen bothered her. Had he had his license and a car, he could've driven her home. The one that didn't work out was driving and he was only sixteen. Time seemed to drag. She just wanted to go home.
"Have you ever seen an erect penis?" Though she had been expecting this she was surprised that these were the first words he had really spoken to her since closing the door. She had not seen an erect penis and nor did want to as she was fervent Catholic and they had strict rules regarding things of this nature. When she made the promise to herself, to God, and to her friends to stay a virgin until she married she had been serious. Why else would a man want to commit to you forever if he had everything he already wanted? She didn't want that to happen to her so she answered him as firmly as could, "No, and I don't want to."
"It's really not that big of a deal, you know. It's just a penis. Plus now that we're dating, it's sort of a normal thing that happens in a relationship." His response confused her. Just because they were dating didn't mean they were in a relationship. Did he think they were in a relationship? She wanted to leave but now he was standing above her and his 6'3 stature would be difficult to surpass. Anyway, if she got to the door and opened it, where would she go? She had to wait for his father to drive her home. Noticing his hands moving to his pants and beginning to unbutton them, she turned away. "No, I don't want to see it" she said again with her back toward him now.
For a long moment they sat there in silence. She could feel him standing over her and she didn't dare turn back toward him. Grateful for the knock on the door and hearing his father's gruff voice say he was ready to go, she relaxed, waited a few more seconds, and turned back around to get up for the door. Not realizing that he hadn't moved, she found herself staring at his him exposed and erect. Blinking, she tried to figure out what was happening. "You knew you wanted to see it. What do you think?" his voice sounded far away but she heard him. Had she indicated that she wanted to see it? No, she said no but maybe she hadn't been clear enough. It didn't matter at the moment, she couldn't not look. She had never seen one before and she found it's shape strange and repulsive. She wanted to leave.
"Want to touch it?" She hardly heard him as she was busy trying to figure out a way around him and out the door. Why didn't he leave? He heard his father, hadn't he? What if his father walked in right now? What would he think of her? Would he tell her parents? They would never believe her if she said she didn't ask to see it. They would be so angry and never let her leave the house or go out with anyone again. Suddenly, she felt his hand take her wrist and he was moving it toward him. What was he doing? She didn't want to touch it, did she? No, this goes against everything she believed in. She attempted to move her hand away but she felt his grip tighten and then she felt him. Her mind was racing. What was she going to do?
There was a knock at the door again. This time it was more forceful. His father was waiting for them. She didn't want him to open the door and see her with her hand on his son's penis. Finally, she felt him take her hand off him and move away from her. She sat there as he pulled his pants back up and she thought she saw a flicker of a smile on her face. What had just happened? What did she just do? Completely confused she now felt unable to move. "Are you coming?" He asked; the door was now open and both him and his father were waiting for her. Quickly she stood up and made her way to the door. She didn't know what to think. She felt embarrassed and unsure of herself? Did she really want this? If she didn't, why didn't she stop it?
As she sat in the backseat on the way home she gazed out the window. How was she going to face her parents? She had deliberately disobeyed their wishes and they would be so angry with her if they knew. What did God think of her now? This wasn't supposed to be something she did until she was married. Maybe she didn't stop him because she thought he was someone that she could marry but she didn't understand. She hardly liked him but there was no denying it now, they had definitely crossed the line from dating to a relationship.
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