Earlier today, I got the chance to see Katie for a brief moment before I went to work. Seriously, I'm so inspired by her. When I arrived, she had to turn off her Wii because she was working out and she looked so good! I haven't seen her look so good physically since I visited her while working in Disney and she just seems to have gotten so much of her life together and I'm just so proud of her. She showed me her "Things to Do" wall that she has in her and her husband's office. Broken down into weeks she listed the things that she needs to complete for each of her classes and I think I'm going to copy that. Before I left, she showed me her desktop background - it's decorated with photos that inspire and motivate her to continue her goals.
More than anything I see that she is doing things the right way. I feel like I'm really struggling with doing the same. Moments before I left her house she mentioned that I have set concrete, detailed goals. She's right. I also haven't listed the reasons I want to do this and it's a known fact that just saying "I want to lose 20 pounds" rarely works. We need more than that. One of the things that I wanted to do with this post was create a list of real reasons for losing the weight but there's something that seems to be standing in my way.
I feel like there's a wall between myself and my feelings. It's like there are emotions buried deep and I'm unwilling to acknowledge them. There's nothing more uncomfortable than this detachment. I should be used to this by now. It's one of the major things I've been working on over the past year but there are moments when it doesn't seem any easier. Obviously, I'm afraid of something but I'm not sure what exactly. Am I afraid that I don't really want to lose the weight? I feel like I do. Or am I afraid that losing weight isn't something you can fake. People will notice if I'm not making any changes. They will see if I fail and they will know that I've failed at something I care about because they can read all about it here. So it's not like I can even pass it off as "well, I didn't really care. I love my body just how it is."
This, for whatever reason seems harder than just writing every day. It seems bigger. Maybe it's because I want to bite of more than I can chew. Writing for 15 minutes a day was small task that was easy to do. Wanting to drop 20 pounds is so much more daunting. Not to mention that countless people try this everyday and don't succeed. So I feel like I have a lot of pressure and I'm not sure I can handle it. I think this is what Katie means by setting smaller goals. She started just by making sure she drank eight glasses of water a week. Sigh, this post completely avoided what I actually wanted to write about. Tomorrow, I will write about my reasons for wanting to do this or the smaller goals that I'm going to break this into.
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