Work and stuff

I took a nap today and dreamed about my job.  Dave was playing a computer game with friends and he was talking into the microphone and that somehow got converted in my sleep to an irritated cardholder asking me why his card was declining.  When he came in to wake me up, I asked him to come back but in my head I put him on hold so I could research his what was going on with his card.  Then I seriously continued to dream about going into Falcon (our fraud monitoring system) and finding nothing tried researching the AOV and COV tables as I rapidly tried to determine what I was going to tell this guy.  I know that what I just said means nothing to any of you but when I woke up I realized that somewhere along the way, I totally committed to this job. 

Before I would listen to the cardholders and most of it I would brush aside as complete absurdity.  I used to keep a little notebook and right down the stupid things that many of them used to say to either myself or one of my coworkers.  Like today, my coworker got a call and the guy told her that he used to be on the board at the bank and he couldn't believe how downhill they've gone since.  He then continued saying that he hopes that she gets a better job because she was totally going to lose this one.  It's people like that who you really want to give a snotty retort back like, "Obviously they eliminated you from the "board" because you clearly don't have a clue buddy."  Of course, you always just end up smiling and telling them to have a nice day.

Again, I used to be able to laugh at these people and let it go but recently I've found that these same people I'd prefer to punch than laugh at.  I'm also easily irritated by some of the procedures we have in place.  Today we got a call from one our huge clients and his card was declining.  We tried everything we knew but it wouldn't work and we called our manager who gave us the go ahead to escalate it above so we called, left a bunch of messages for people who didn't call us back.  Meanwhile, the client is justifiably upset because he's trying to run a business and can use his card and there's nothing we can say or do except tell him that we're working on it.  Finally, it turns out that it might be an issue with MasterCard only allowing $100,000 or $200,000 to be charged in one day.  Okay, it might not be us but is there a reason why this is something that no one knows.  How are we expected to service large clients when we don't have a clue about certain things that are pretty important? 

Waking up this afternoon I realized that care way too much all of a sudden.  This is the second Sunday in a row that I've come home feeling exasperated, irritated, and frustrated.  When did this happen?  I had to call in sick a few times this year and all of sudden I'm concerned their going to give me a hard time about taking the time off for the wedding and honeymoon.  Before I used to just think, "well I'll be married so it won't be as necessary..." but now I'm freaking out because I don't want to lose my job.   Really Denise?  You're terrified you might lose a job that you dislike anyway?  On the other hand, it's not the worst job in the world and it pays kind of awesome for a part time job so I don't want to lose it.  However, I won't make it if I continue to care this much.  Before I left today, I looked at the calendar and counted down the days of work left before I get married.  I have 46 more days of work left before the wedding.  Yes, I actually did that.  

I'm going to talk to them about taking the time tomorrow but... sigh.  Once I'm married, I can really throw myself into something new.  I hope.  I hope I haven't gotten myself trapped in a dead end career already.