Victim, Survivor, or Both?

I want to move on within myself, beyond myself.  My last talk with my therapist consisted of whether or not I can continue to watch the shows that I spent the last week not watching.  We determined that if I understand what I my fascination is and what I get from watching them then I can begin to try watching them again.  So of course, I've begun to watch them again.  For the most part, I've been able to watch these without the same effects that I've had in the past.  However, the one that was one while I was typing this particular post was particularly disturbing.  Referencing it here helps.  I remind myself why I want to watch these kinds of shows  understanding that my fascination is rooted in the desire to relate to others that are classified as victims and my futile attempt to understand the people who victimized.

Somehow doing this is helping me come to terms with my own victimization.  I'm so resistant to the term victim.  I don't like the idea that I was compromised by someone like him.   In fact, I despise the idea.  For me, it represents every weakness in myself that I long to bury and refuse to acknowledge.  However, the fact that I can somewhat relate to others who have experienced victimization and the desire to do so is my way of beginning to acknowledge that there was a part of my own life where I played this part.  Then there is also the strange comfort that I find from knowing what else could be out there.  Watching these shows I see women and men that I would never expect be subjected to horrific trauma inflicted by others.  They too are victims.  More than that, if they managed to avoid death, they suddenly are survivors.  Is it possible for me to be a survivor when my actual life was never threatened?