Royal Weddings

I'm writing a bit earlier than usual but I decided to watch Prince William and Kate Middleton's Royal Wedding while completing my hour of free step and I just feel inspired to sit down and get out my thoughts.  Unlike the millions who tuned in at 3am or whatever time it actually aired here in the United State, by the genius of Hulu I was able to watch the whole thing for the first time on this rainy afternoon.  I think I took my mother by surprise when she called me last Friday to ask if I was watching and I told her no.  When I was a young girl in my pre-teen and early teenage years, Prince William was my schoolgirl crush.  I used to dream that I would someday meet him and he'd fall in love and we'd get married and I'd get to be a real princess.   Even my neighbor called my mom and told her that the entire time she watched it, she thought about me and how I was going to marry Prince William and how excited she is for my own upcoming wedding.

So how did it feel watching my schoolgirl crush marry?  Absolutely thrilling!  The two major thoughts that were repeated in my mind while I watched were, "thank goodness that is not me" and "she is absolutely everything I pictured and imagined she would be."  Really I could go on and on by how much I love Kate Middleton.  Honestly, I don't know much about her personality but really it's her overall presence and appearance that inspires me.  Her wedding was everything that I envisioned.  Granted, I wasn't a young woman in the 1980s when Princess Diana married but the images of her wedding did very little for me.  She was so young and it seemed like she hardly knew the man she was married.  Of course, by the time I was old enough to watch her wedding it was common knowledge that her and Prince Charles didn't work out, so that clouded my judgement. Regardless, the giant "princess" wedding with the gigantic ball gown and the twenty foot train did very little for me.  She was so tiny, I felt like she was drowning in her dress.  Not to mention that the whole pomp and circumstance that is necessary for a royal wedding appeared to overwhelmed her.  She seemed too demure and the craziness of the pressed seemed to much for her even then.  As much as she was a beautiful, wonderful, and lovely woman I didn't get the sense that royalty much suited her.

Katie, on the other hand, couldn't be more her opposite.  Although, William is the Prince of England, she commanded the attention as if it were her birthright and not his.  It was like she was born and raised for this.  There is nothing awkward about her but she carries herself with a grace, poise, and a countenance of friendliness that is just as endearing.  With Princess Diana, people could relate to her; however, Kate embodies what many woman would to like to become.  I am one of those women.  Looking at Kate, she has the exact presence I wish to embody.  She is classy and elegant and perfectly poise.  Her demeanor is the perfect balance of royal humbleness but at the same time commands the authority that comes with the position.  I can see her having a great time with people from all social classes and yet at the same time, I feel like she won't take any nonsense from the press or otherwise.  She is strong and confident.  In fact, I would long to have to her confidence.  It still makes me laugh that when the press asked her if she thought she was lucky to be dating a prince, her response was that he should consider himself lucky to be dating her.   Seriously, how cool is that?

All women should have that kind of confidence in my opinion.  It's weird but I feel like many women are convinced that in order to be perceived as attractive and humble that we must berate ourselves and pick out each flaw and declare its inadequacy not only to ourselves but to anyone who compliments us.  We are told "be confident with who you are" and yet at the same time, our self-imposed bashing gives us the attention that we desperately desire.  I'm just as much at fault.  It's like when someone compliments our dress, we are condition to say, "Oh, you mean this old thing?" regardless of how much you paid for it or how new it is.  I don't want to blame everything on the media because it's not just them.  Actually if you asked me where I got the idea that our negative self perception is what where supposed to portray, I couldn't give you an exact answer.  It's not from my mother or my friends or the media and yet at the same time being surrounded by everyone who internally loathe themselves somehow made me find everything I could hate about myself.  And hate them, I do.  I hate parts of my body, parts of my personality, everything but my readers already know this from my prior laments here at this blog.

How encouraging that such a strong and confident woman will be the role model for young girls across the world.  Though she is beautiful, she is by no means perfect.  Today I aspire to gain that confidence that she carries.  Seriously, all of my insecurities are self destructive at this point.  Not just personally but professionally as well.  How can I convince someone that I'm good enough to handle the job when I hardly feel good enough to handle life.  It's really time that I learn to accept myself for who I am and forgive myself for what happened to me in the past.  Gosh, it's so easy to say but so much harder to embrace.  There is so much work to be done incorporating my past into my present in a healthy, nonjudgmental way, and propelling myself into my future.  I want to reach my greatest potential but I'll never do that berating myself.  For now,  embracing self confidence and acceptance will be my holy grail and I am on an ongoing quest to attain it.