I was up super early this morning probably due to all the sleep I got yesterday from my meltdown. Now it's only 8pm but I'm so sleepy. Not that being sleepy this early is a bad thing since I'm up early again tomorrow but it's weird. I am feeling a lot better than I was, thank goodness. Seriously though I'm done with all of this. I need to stop. I need to try and take some more control over my healing. I need to maybe not be so accepting of my setbacks. I think it's time for me to stop trying and just start doing. I mean, I spent years trying to write on a daily basis but it wasn't until I made the full on commitment and just started doing it that it really clicked.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm always going to be here stuck in the never ending oscillation of anxiety and depression. I fear that I'm never going to be able to hold down a job or function normally ever again. I know that is an extreme thought and that I will eventually be able to get back in control of the situations. Still, it's hard to remember. I so badly want it to be like a light switch that I can just turn off not that it's been switched on. Ahh well, I'll figure it out I guess. I just really hope it happens soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment