Motivation

I almost went to bed with writing tonight.  Luckily before I turned out the light Dave looked at me and said, "hey did you write today."  Suddenly the sluggishness seemed to fade away and I jumped out of bed and sat down at my computer.  This morning started out with such promise sending messages to friends regarding going bridesmaid dress shopping and researching more things wedding.

As the day progress though, I felt myself feeling more and more tired and overwhelmed.  Although, what exactly is overwhelming seems unclear at the moment.  Maybe it's all the clutter of useless junk that is littering my coffee table, desks, and kitchen counters.  Perhaps it's the lingering feeling that now is the good time to get a solid rewards card that will maybe help give me some extra perks after all this spending from the wedding is over but not knowing which one to choose and not wanting to make the wrong choice.  It's that little bit of me that says, "oh gosh, there's so much I want to do but I don't know where to start."

The burst of productivity with the wedding is suddenly inspiring me to begin moving forward on many of those goals that I placed on the back burner.  The tricky questions are, "Where to start? and Where there's the balance?"  I don't want to begin plowing through lists of to dos only to have myself forgo them a couple of weeks later because, well I've already done so much work.  Preferably, I would rather figure out how to make each large task more commonplace.  I hate that I allow my apartment to become this cluttered mess and then one day it's like I snap and I begin cleaning like crazy.  Eight hours later, after every nook and crevice has been dusted and polished, I relax and admire my work.  Then I stop and do nothing until it grows heavier and I have another burst of energy.

How nice would it be to figure out how to maintain tasks in a timely fashion?  If I can't keep my apartment clean or do my laundry at regular intervals, how will I be able to get into a productive enough routine for my more ambitious desires.  Sure, I'll never be Suzy-Homemaker but I would like to keep a clean house so that I'm not embarrassed if someone were to stop by unexpectedly.  I'd like to be able to say, "I have a chicken in the oven and we're having that with some garlic mashed potatoes and veggies" when Dave calls to ask what I want to eat.  Why do I leave that to him?  I want to be able to do those simple, basic tasks and yet I feel so intimidated by them if I think about it for more than 3 minutes.

I'm easily intimidated and then overwhelmed as I begin to go after my goals.  That's part of why I'm so proud of this writing thing.  If I hadn't been so lethargic and feeling so overwhelmed I would've sat down and written something.  I've somehow made this a routine.  All it is fifteen minutes in front of a computer screen so why is fifteen minutes of exercise seem impossible?  It's the same amount of time.  It will be just as rewarding and yet I don't do it.  Why not?  The answering coming to my head is that I simply to hold myself to it.  The answer is really not that difficult so why do I make it so?  Maybe it is just a matter of doing it.

Baby steps.  Tomorrow, I will find fifteen minutes to exercise.  Like I said before, I can do almost anything for fifteen minutes.  So I'm forgetting the whole exercising for a half hour three times a week.  That's not working. I'm going to try, everyday for fifteen minutes just like I did with my writing.  It comes down to me; I need to make that conscious choice.  Also, now that I've place it in a blog I need to do it, right?