Going through the motions

Today is finally the last day of February and I'm happy to say that I made it through the month.  I wish I could say that it all gets better in March but it doesn't.  But my mood tends to slowly be lifted as the month progresses.  On the plus side, I was able to make it through my grandfather's wake.  He looked decent considering how quickly his disease took hold over his life.  Though I did cry a little at the beginning and as I was leaving, it was so good to see everyone and talk with them.  On the negative side, there is still the funeral tomorrow.

I've been asked to read what I wrote about my grandfather at the funeral tomorrow.  I'll admit that I am slightly nervous about it.  Although I know that I'm surrounded by my family who is also grieving along with me, I still don't want to get choked up when I read it in front of everyone.  I practiced it a bunch tonight and I think I've found a rhythm.  I just hope that I don't get caught up in how emotional it will be.   My mom told me that I could always opt out of it tomorrow morning when I get to the church.  She'd just tell the priest that I couldn't do it.  But I know I can and I want to because it is still my grandfather and I want to honor him.

So, with that said I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.  Please keep me in your thoughts tomorrow morning.