Teaching

We did not go indoor rock climbing today.  I'm kind of sad about it but I think I needed a bit more recuperation time which I got.  Doing nothing all day got me thinking about all kinds of things.   One of those things: teaching.  Why did it not work out for me?  There's certainly many excuses--that awful student teaching semester, the lack of jobs, the politics within schools, the way parents and society hold teachers responsible for raising their children.  I've used them all.   Really though, maybe teaching just wasn't for me.  Why is that so hard to admit to myself?

I'm the first one to say advocate teachers.  The common misconception is that anyone can do it and that it's nothing more than glorified babysitting.  It's one of the few types of beliefs that infuriate me.  Clearly, anyone who thinks that has never taught in a classroom.  Coaching is different than teaching too.  Both are important but you have a lot more responsibility as a teacher.  If a child can't throw a football or land an axel, they will not be able at a disadvantage in life.  If a child can't read, write a sentence, and solve basic math problems there are going to be a lot of problems.

If I were to be brutally honest with myself, I found planning lessons and then teaching those lessons to be stressful.  If I don't teach this well I will be doing a these kids a horrible disservice.  Classroom management was difficult for me too.  In my defense, my supervising teacher did say that I was definitely getting an education with my student teaching classroom.  It was a difficult class and I did get a lot better as the months progressed.  By then though, my confidence was shattered.

My second student teaching experience was something I needed to prove to myself.  I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.  I wanted to show everyone who told me I couldn't do it how wrong they were.  In the end, I spent more time trying to make it work than I did actually evaluating if this career was really something I wanted.  Was it passion to teach or my pride and ego fueling me?  The more I think about it, the more I realize that it was an ego thing.

If I got a teaching job, I'm almost positive that I could do it.  However, I don't know if I would have enjoyed it.  Something tells me that I wasn't going to like it as much as I thought.  I love the kids but I'm almost positive that I would have spent the whole year just counting down the days until vacations.  Again, if I'm going to be honest with myself: had I really had a passion for teaching I would have tried a hell of a lot harder to get a job.  I wouldn't have allow my self confidence to get in the way.

Teaching in elementary classrooms is not the career for me.  At least not right now.  For a really long time, I tried to force it.  It was easier than trying to determine what type of career would be for me it if teaching wasn't it.  It was easier to make excuses.  Now it's just a matter of not being afraid to pursue my current interests.  Just because teaching didn't work out doesn't mean that whatever I choose to devote me energy in next won't work out either.  I learned a whole lot from my education in education and that knowledge will come with me to whichever career I end up choosing.

Not being a teacher does not invalidate the skills and lessons I've learned during my training to become.  It's time that I let it go and embrace what may waiting for me.