Still waiting

So my period is officially five days late.  This normally wouldn't concern me except that I don't have any of the physical PMS symptoms.  Sure, I've been overemotional and moody but physically nothing.  None of my usual symptoms have appeared: no spotting, tenderness, lethargy, nothing.  It's these PMS symptoms that have me more worried than normal.  I took a pregnancy test yesterday which was negative and opted not to take one today.  I'll try again tomorrow morning.

Being pregnant is no longer the same sort of terrifying prospect that it used to be for me.  At this point, if I am I more than accept it.  It would not be ideal timing nor would I plan it like this but Dave and I have talked about how we would welcome a little one into our family without hesitation.  It is super unlikely as we haven't stopped using protection so if I am, I feel like this baby is meant to exist.  If I am, I'll be using all my free time to go about researching what to expect, choosing my preferences, and reading about all things pregnancy/baby related.

Just the idea that I could be pregnant and that I know I will be keeping it seems to change everything in my thinking.  I'm extra observant about the little things.  I've refused all offerings of alcohol, thought about the food I've eaten, and hesitated/not taken over the counter medications that I would have popped without thinking.  In addition, holding Wyatt this weekend felt different.  Holding him, I couldn't help but think I might have one of my own sooner than expected.  In addition, it's got me thinking about "settling down" and actually purchasing a home.  Our tiny apartment will suffice with an infant but really it we would need something more after a year or so.  So yeah, now I'm looking at buying a home and possibly having a baby and I'm beginning to wonder if quitting my job was the wisest choice.  If I am pregnant, do I go back to work?  I honestly don't know.

All this being said, I still doubt that I am.  I'm thinking/hoping that it was just the change in my diet that's throwing things off.  I'm not on birth control which makes my periods super irregular and it hasn't been 35 days yet.  Dave is convinced that I'll get it on the plane on the way to Disney.  He's probably right.  I haven't felt any PMS symptoms but I also haven't felt any early pregnancy symptoms either.  In fact, I feel pretty great but that's not unheard of with certain women.  Everyone is different.  Until I get my period though, I'm going to be taking quite a few pregnancy tests (at least until one reads positive).  It's out of my control now.  All I can do is test, wait, and try to wrap my head around the potential.