First day

The first day of my menstrual cycle has been a nightmare today.  My word.  Thank Goodness I didn't have to work because I think I would've had to call in.  I've taken Advil nonstop all day and the pain remains a dull ache.  Still, I'm just happy that it's not the major kind of pain that I felt this morning and just a few minutes ago.

Something about it being that bad scares me in a way that I just don't understand.  I spent about forty minutes this morning fighting both the pain and the panic that seems to come with it.  Eventually Dave's alarm woke him a little and he got me the heating pad and a lorazapam. With that I felt my mind quiet a bit and I focus on the warmth of Dave's arms.  It calmed me and I drifted off into sleep.

I am really looking forward to hopefully getting off this mental medication and back on the menstrual one.  So far I'm doing really well with the lower dosage so I just hope I can maintain it through February or March.  I don't trust going through the winter without it at all.  Still that means maybe April or May?  That's what- 8 more months?  8 more terrible periods.  I guess I can make that work.  Plus, last month was actually fine!  Maybe this month is making up for it.

Also I want to thank my mom for the email she sent today and Jamie for getting me to go for a walk.  It was so nice to hear from each of them.  And Jamie's hug just made my day... so thank you both.  I really needed it.  Love you!