Thinking about my therapy session yesterday, I am having a hard time accepting what we discussed. Every fiber of my being just longs to be better, to not panic over nothing, to just be normal. However, despite the significant gains that I've made thus far, I am not better. I do still get scared for no reason at all. I obsess over thoughts that I know I shouldn't have. I feel guilty and get really frustrated. I close down and detach emotionally.
The difficulty I'm having writing about it now indicates just how strong the discussion had on me. I actually have an appointment on Monday morning which I'm incredibly grateful for as I'm still really bothered by it. I don't know how to resolve this issue. I'm not sure where to go and I need more assistance. On the more positive side, the techniques she's given me has slowed the thoughts. I've also tried to be more compassionate about the thoughts I do have and not get so upset with myself.
It will take time and more therapy but I'm so lucky that I have a wonderful doctor to work with. I'm slowly coming around to the idea that I need additional assistance. Like before, I know I will get through this phase and my reluctance to deal with it is just that: reluctance. It's unpleasant. I'd rather avoid it but that doesn't solve anything. I can't go around it. I have to go through it and I will and I will be stronger for it (hopefully).
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