Forgot

Got to see Katie and Alli today which was super awesome.  We just sat and talked.  It was great.   I'm lucky to have them as friends because as I was talking I kept saying, "on my therapist is the reason for this and my therapist is the reason for that" and they called me on it.   Actually I caught a look that Alli gave Katie, a "here she goes again" kind of look and at first I thought it was because I kept talking about me so I apologized but then they told me that it was more that I'm giving my therapist too much credit and not myself.  Katie even stated that if it really was all my therapist then I should probably get a new one.  It was then that I admitted that it really isn't my therapist and that she says tells me all the time that I'm the one doing all the work.  I just don't feel like I feel like I can take credit for it.  I mean, I went for almost ten years and couldn't do it myself.  It wasn't until I started working with her that I began to work through things and begin the work.

I suppose, I could also make the argument that without my first grade teacher I wouldn't be able to read but there's that other part of me that feels like I don't deserve the credit.  After all, I got myself in the position to begin with and I did that without any help at all.  Something else came up when I was talking to them but I then started to get upset so I pushed it back down and I can't remember what it was.  It had something to do with going all one way and now this is the other extreme but I don't remember the details.  It was not the time or the place.  I don't see them enough to begin delving into those things that upset me. When I do see them I want to laugh and have fun and reconnect.  It's kind of strange that I now don't remember exactly what it was.  I mean, I'm sure I will at some point but clearly I'm still quite adept at selective forgetting.