Mediocre

I'm super aggravated and frustrated.  I don't want to talk about it but I have to write and this is how I'm feeling at the present so it's hard to think about anything else.  It's time like this when I hate that this is a public forum because I feel like I can't say everything I want but that was my choice.  I can easily switch to a blog that allows me to lock certain posts or I could actually not use this as a personal diary.  I guess you could say my frustration is mainly with myself.  Like with the blog, I'm upset that I'm dealing with certain limitations but really I'm the one who chose those limitations so in the end what am I frustrated about.  Yeah, I'm talking in circles.

Like I said, I'm just frustrated with myself.  I thought I was so meticulous in my planning and I spent hours and hours and hours on this.  I was beginning to think I was good at it but I clearly made a huge oversight and am now having to pay the consequences.  So like so many other things that I thought I could be good at I've clearly misjudged myself.  Instead, I've spent the last forty-five minutes yelling at Dave blaming him for this oversight when really I'm just so upset with myself.  Also, what the heck is my issue blaming Dave?  Seriously, I'm such a pain in the ass.

Whatever.  I keep wanting to find something that feels like I found a niche and I think it's just time for me to realize that I don't have a niche.  I don't have one, I won't have one, and it's time that I just get over being mediocre.  I've always thought I could do something more than be a call center representative.  I thought I had more potential.  But then, who doesn't?  Who aspires to be a customer service representative?  No one that I know.  Everyone always thinks they can do more but in the end that's probably just wishful thinking.  Mediocre.  That's it.  It's time to find some clarity and solace in this.