Perseverance

It's Saturday night and I feel alright.  Yay!  My nose feels okay and my head doesn't hurt.  My allergies seem to gotten back under control which is fabulous.   Hopefully that will continue because I'd really like to see Katie again.  I haven't called her because I'm afraid of sneezing all over that beautiful baby of her.  Sure, it may just be allergies but what if I'm carry something else.  The way I sneeze and cough sometimes, it just worries me to be around someone so small.  Really though, I haven't seen her, Jared, or that little boy since the day after he was born.  It's killing me.  I think about them all the time and I've been afraid to reach out because I'm afraid of having to cancel another meeting because of my stupid nose.

I hate it.  I don't like cancelling on people or calling in to work anymore.  Not that I ever did but I made excuses before.  As I've told the few friends I've seen recently my goal is to just get to work, to suck it up, and go.  I don't want to let my anxiety and depression get in my way.  Before getting sick I went into work for two weeks straight.  I know that doesn't sound like a lot but it's a big deal for me.  The anxiety feeds the depression and I got myself into this cycle where it was easier to give in letting it overcome me than to push through it.  I don't want to do that.  Getting sick so soon after setting that goal was frustrating but I'm back on the horse.  Since then, I've been back a full week and I hope for it to continue.

Really, I'm tired of letting myself down.  I'm tired of letting others down.  I'm watching Extreme Makeover Weightloss Edition and the 50 year old person dropped more than 200 pounds in one year.  During this same year he ended his relationship with his fiance, spent the more than 6 months living out of his car, and even suffered the loss of his son.   He encountered so many hardships but he never gave up.   If he can do that despite everything that got in his way, I can achieve my goals.  Perseverance.  I can do this!