Dieting and Vacations

Day three of our seventeen day diet felt a lot easier than the past two.  I don't know if it's because of the long nap that I took after breakfast or if my body is just getting used to the new foods.  I didn't feel super hungry and didn't crave random not-so-good-for-you foods the whole day.  I don't know exactly.  We also purchased already seasoned chicken breast in a bag that we could pop into the oven and eat easily.  No skin peeling which I have to admit is super hard for me since I feel like it's the best part and no dark meat to struggle with.  I'm not the biggest chicken fan preferring red meat to chicken almost always.  These first seventeen days are all about chicken, turkey, and fish.  No red meat for me.  When I do eat chicken I prefer the dark meat to white so yeah, avoiding the rest of the chicken to get to the white meat if we were to cook a full chicken would be too painful and tempting.

I have no doubt that I can do the full seventeen days.  Luckily our seventeenth day is Thanksgiving so I'm more than happy to focus my attention on the salads, white meat of the chicken and turkey, use little (if any gravy), and have lots of veggies.  Of course, I will bend it a bit and eat just enough to fulfill the cravings of mashed potatoes and sweet potatoes with a little bit of butter but by then I'm hoping to have lost a good deal of weight.  After Thanksgiving though, I need to discuss with Dave.  Even though we won't be at our goal weights, we only have six days until we go to Disney.  A part of me wonders if we should maintain the first cycle and we don't really have the seventeen days to move to the next cycle.  Let's face, I don't want to be bound by a restrictive diet when I'm down in Disney.  

That's not to say, I want to go to Disney and eat everything.  I just want to be able to enjoy some of the luxurious that their dining can provide.  I want to have a sandwich at Earl of Sandwich, an icecream at Ghirardellis Icecream, a Mickey Mouse pancake, sip hot chocolate during the Very Merry Christmas Party,  and enjoy other indulgences.  Maybe a burger, some popcorn, and a little alcohol. We will be doing lots more walking than we would normally so we'll be burning more calories.  I still plan to eat lots and lots of salads and get my low fat yogurt in for most days.  I have no problem maintain the second cycle diet most of the time but lets face it, those that I list above aren't included. 

It's a bit far in advance to begin thinking about eating in DisneyWorld but I began doing some basic planning which has it on my mind.  I think we'll just have to wait and see what we weight at the end of our initial seventeen days and go from there.   We've already lost some weight (probably just water weight but still) so who knows.  I'm excited to see where this goes!

Four More Years

I feel like I can breathe a sign of relief.  It appears that the President was reelected as Commander in Chief for four more years.  It's not that I thought that Mitt Romney would be a horrible president, I didn't.  I just really wanted Obama to have a decent chance.  It didn't take us four years to get into mess so it certainly wasn't going to take fours years to get out of it.  Add to that, I really didn't want to further a Republican party that is just getting more extreme.  I really didn't want a Republican candidate to win after all of the party's comments regarding gay marriage, women's rights, and immigration.  Though I don't know if it will do any good, I feel like this election may show just how important it is to appeal to someone other than a white male and that you can't just alienate entire populations of people and expect to win elections.  Had Romney not gone so far to the right trying to win the primary, I personally feel he might have had a better chance at winning the election.

Of course, there are the obvious, "I'm moving to Canada" remarks on Facebook which I just find humorous. These people are unhappy that a liberal, leftist politician was reelected and things like universal healthcare, governmental support for those encountering hard times, more gun control, etc. will stand.  Yet they are proclaiming to relocate to a country where all of that already exists.  I can't help but find that humorous.  I mean, there were many democrats who made similar statements but many of those were a result of not liking actions like the war which Canada did not partake in the same way.  So yeah.   With all that, the reelected president has finally come on stage and I want to hear this.

Happy Election Day everyone!

Short

It was so nice not to have to go into work tonight and to not have to go in tomorrow night.  Doesn't quite feel real yet though.  We began out diet today and it's going to be a challenge and a half.  We started out okay  making our breakfast and lunches but you should have seen us at dinner trying to cook our skinless, boneless chicken breast.  You would think the two of us never had to eat before. I can't even begin to explain just how badly I wanted to forgot about it and cook mac and cheese.  We persevered though and we managed to bake some decent chicken.  Dave got nervous about his though (he wasn't sure if it was cooked enough) and ended up not eating all of his which makes me sad.  Despite all the food we ate, we were still hungry.  Still, I'm trying to stay focused on the results. Heck, we made chicken tonight.  That's a start on the right track.

I want to stay on the right track so I'm going to go help Dave with the dishes and lunches for tomorrow.  Yay for short posts.

Busy

Okay, I'm more tired than I expected to be at 9:30 at night.  Granted Dave and I have been going all day so I guess it's alright.  Really though I just want to go to sleep.  I should force myself to make the lunches for tomorrow but I feel like at any moment, I'm going to fall asleep just sitting here.  So this will be quick.  We did accomplish just about everything we set out to do today (except making our lunches for tomorrow).

We stopped by Feissal and Becky's new home and we fell in love with it.  Sure, it needs work.  They've done a lot already and there's still a lot more to go but I loved it.  When they've done everything they want to do, it will be even better.  I can't say enough good things about it.  It's got character, an enormous basement, and is super cute.  I want one.  So does Dave but alas, that will have to wait.

From there we went to Ikea which was super close by, walked through all the showrooms because I love doing that, and then walked downstairs to pick up what we needed.  Both of us were tired by the time we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (hey, we had to indulge before we begin the most challenging diet ever). I missed a phone call from Katie but it's late now and I'll have to call her back tomorrow.  On the drive home, I ended up passing out.

Finally we stopped at the grocery store and spent $140!  Yikes!  Still, we will not being getting take out for a while so it will be have to do.  Actually doing the grocery shopping made it more of a reality.  We will really not be eating any carbs for the next 17 days.  Holy crap.  Lots of fruits, healthy protein, veggies, and yogurt will be ingested instead.  I am very excited by it all.  Dave is going to wake me up tomorrow for breakfast so it's good to be getting started as I can't wait to see the results.

I especially can't wait after taking the most horrific "before" photos ever.  I mean, I knew I had put on the pounds.  I knew I had outgrown my clothing.  I knew that my belly has shown underneath the clothing.  The photos though, that's a whole different story.  Sure, I stripped down to a bra and boy shorts that look like a bathing suit so it shows off everything but my word.  I am so glad that we are doing this.  We also got the WiiFit back out to begin our measuring our goals on a daily basis.  Really, I'm super excited.

Now though, I need to sleep.

Being Social

My sister chose her wedding dress and I love it!   It was the one I was really hoping she would choose.  We stopped by the bridal shop today with Dad, another of my sister's bridesmaids, and Dave in tow.  Dave and I had plans to see friends in New Hampshire as it was or else I wouldn't have brought him along.  She tried on the initial dress that we really liked and showed it off first before putting the second one on.  When she came out there was a hush then a "wow" and it was clear that everyone loved the second dress as much as my mother and I did when she first tried it on.  It was actually the dress that she fell in love with online and it turned out to look amazing on her as well.  How lucky is that?  I feel like that never happens.  Anyway, she decided to buy it and there was much rejoicing (yay!).  

From the bridal shop Dave and I drove to Tim and Rae Beth's brand new home.  It is legit brand new as in the builder just finished it and they moved in a couple of weeks ago.  There are other homes still being built around them too though it is a bit too far and probably too expensive for us.  Still, it was very modern and sleek.  More than that it was good to see them and everyone else we haven't had the chance to see in ages.  Two couples got engaged since we last saw them, Feissal and Becky bought a new house, and I quit my job (which everyone seemed genuinely happy for me).  It was really good to see them again and it reminded me how much I enjoy their company.  I'm such a homebody and never go out anymore.  I'm hoping that will begin to change now that much of the work stress is gone. 

At the end of the evening, we drove to Adam and Ashley's house where I got to purchase some really pretty jewelry that was actually reasonably priced and Dave got to hang out with Adam and Wyatt.  Seriously Dave loves that baby.  They post picture of him all the time on Facebook and though this is only the second time we've actually seen him since he was born four months ago, it's like we've been part of his life.  They aren't the type of people who post their baby as their profile picture which makes them awesome but they do post many pictures of him.  It made me realize that if I do have children, I will post pictures as it does foster a connection.  Maybe I'll strengthen the privacy settings if I'm really concerned but I'm really glad they do.  My friend Kelley posts a ton of picture with her baby on her blog too and even though I haven't really hung out with her since middle school and she lives in California I feel like I'm part of her life too.  Or at the every least, an enthralled spectator.  

We actually ended up staying at Adam and Ashley's super late.  Dave and Adam really connect and I really get along well with Ashley.  We had a really great conversation and I can only hope that they had as good a time with us as we did with them.  Sometimes I get anxious about that (especially with people we don't hang out with often and who I hold in high regard).  Tomorrow, the plan is to do some house cleaning, go to IKEA, stop by Feissal and Becky's as they live like eight minutes away, and then do the grocery shopping needed for our diet.  

Also, I can't even tell you how happy I am that I don't have to work tomorrow.   So happy.  And it's only 1 o'clock, yay daylight savings time!

Last Day

I've been looking forward to this day for what seems like eons.  Now, that it's come and it's time for me to write about it I don't know where to begin.  It probably doesn't help that Dave and I have spent the last three hours reading and discussing FDR's New Deal.  During our dinner chat we somehow got onto politics and I began to rant which somehow led to the New Deal.  Now it's almost 3:30 in the morning and I'm tired.  I also love my husband a lot and writing this post is taking me away from him and I was enjoying myself and don't want to write.  

Anyway today was my last day of work and it turned out to be far more emotional for me than I expected.  The day actually went by pretty quickly which I was really happy about.  I got two cards from my coworkers (one from first shift and one from second), a chocolate cake, and my second shift gang pitched in and got me a $55 Visa Gift card.   It was really touching.  Everyone expressed how sad they were to see me go but were really happy for me as well.  I left crying as I said my final goodbyes and punched out for the night.  It didn't seem real but I knew as I walked out that I would not be returning.   The lump in my throat has returned just thinking about it.  

I am going to miss my coworkers.  I'll probably miss the routine, too.  I didn't expect leaving to be so difficult or emotional.  It still doesn't quite feel real.  A part of me is prepared to have to go in on Sunday.  Gosh, if it's this hard leaving I can't imagine how difficult it is to be laid off.  I've had two weeks to get ready for these emotions.  This experience has given me a different perspective and whole new respect for anyone who has left their jobs.  

Excitement

I think my sister might have found her wedding dress tonight.  Well, she's narrowed it down to two potentials  both of which are incredibly gorgeous.  I'm really excited for her.  She wants me to be a part of it in a way that makes me feel so honored even thanking me for going to a Bridal shop in NH tonight.  Truth is, I'm so glad I get to play a part.  I'm glad that she wants me to be there and that she wants my opinion.  I wish she had been able to go to mine.  I never expected to find my dress so quickly so she wasn't able to be part of the process for me so I feel even more honored to have been there.  There is something about wedding dress shopping that inspires, excites, and makes the whole experience more real.  Perhaps that's why guys don't get as involved.  They don't have any sort of relative experience.  The best man, father of the groom, and the groom don't all get together to find the perfect suit or tux.  That happens maybe two weeks before.  Seeing yourself, your sister, your friend in a potential dress just seems to solidify the event.  It even made me excited to go bridesmaid dress shopping!  I'm looking forward to it a lot.

In other news, NANOWRIMO started today and my mentor from South Korea has already checked in with me asking me how my first day went.  The website is such a great tool to motivate and energize.  I've found a few friends, made a few more, and am so ready to join in on some more writing groups.  Today, I was only able to get just under 800 words, half of my daily goal, but I know I'll be able to play catch up in the upcoming days.  My mentor even said the same thing.  The biggest downside, I've chosen the one year that the majority of my close friends aren't participating.  Their lives are just way too busy right now to dedicate the kind of time.  If any of you are, please tell me!   I don't have to read anything especially since I probably won't be sharing any of mine.  I can't actually share the crap I'm expecting to produce but I'm really hoping to find some potential buried somewhere in it.  If nothing else, it will establish the writing habit-  something that I desperately need if I want to call myself a writer.

Beginning to say goodbye

Hmm... I wondered today what I would write about when I stopped working.  I mean, my job or my dislike of my job has given me endless fodder.  Until then I'll going to relish talking about it.  Now that I wrote that sentence I've realized just how tired I am of writing about, thinking about, and working at this job.  Most of my coworkers thought today was my last day, even my boss.  Had I known that today definitely would have been my last day but alas I still have Friday.  Seven more hours to go.  Something tells me it's going to be a dreadfully long seven hours.

I said goodbye to a couple of coworkers who I won't see on Friday and I can only describe it as awkward.  It's my belief that situations are only awkward if you allow it and I think the fact that I'm just leaving with no concrete next step was what made it feel that way.  I mean, I can't really say what I'm really thinking which is, "yeah I'm so getting out of here."  That and I'm under any illusions.  This isn't high school or college.  I know that once I say goodbye and leave on Friday the only contact I'll have with the majority of my colleague is through Facebook.  There's something about that finality that makes me feel uncomfortable.  Possibly because I've come to care about them and saying goodbye is always difficult.

Okay, I'm done for tonight.

Counting down

One more day of work done.  Two more days to go.  Today wasn't too bad actually as we spent the majority of the evening decorating our section of the office as the dark forest from the Wizard of Oz.  For Halloween, each department of the company took a part of the Wizard of Oz.  Client Services is Emerald City, Projects is the poppy fields, day shift Card is munchkinland.  We got stuck with the dark forest and we were so bummed.  I'll be honest, by this point I had checked out and could really have cared less.  Luckily my team is awesome and they thought of some of the most creative things.  We will most definitely have the best decorated part of the office.  So yeah, today went by quickly.  Tomorrow will be entertaining as it will be fully decorated and there will be food.  It will just be Friday.  Friday will be probably the longest ever but then I'll be free. Just got to get to the end of the week.

Fears

Thank you Hurricane Sandy for allowing me to take the day off of work.  Only three more work days to go. As my last day approaches, I'm excited but also really nervous.  I'm actually quite anxious.  I feel like I'm in a holding period.  I have things I want to do and begin but still need to wait four days to begin them.  This is giving me a whole lot of time to think about quitting, what I'm going to do while unemployed, and what is going to happen when I decide to go back to work.  Not to mention that I'm nervous about not being able to fulfill my last two weeks due to panic attacks or whatnot and not receiving the "yes, we'd hire her back" comment to potential future employers.  

There are so many "what if" worries jumping around in my brain and I can't help but be downright scared.  I know I've made the right decision by quitting.  I know that taking the time for myself to maybe figure out what I want to do before jumping into another dead end job is the right decision. It sort of feels the way going to college did back when I was in high school.  I knew that it was the right thing for me to do but I was downright terrified.  The unknown can be terrifying and yes, I'm feeling it.  So yeah, four more days.  I can do this and then I'll figure something out.  I just to remember college.  It didn't all make sense right away but it was definitely one of the best parts of my life. 

Tired

Even though I only had to be at work by 8AM today, I am still feeling very exhausted.  Dabey is typing up this post for me while I dictate what to write.  I am coop'd up in the bed and I have been sleeping since 7PM and it is now 3AM.  Dave decided I probably should wake up enough to take my medicine.  I guess he has been periodically trying to rouse me awake.  I just had a nightmare and sledgehammers are scary.  I called out for Dave and that was the opening he needed to wake me up enough to take my medicine and write this post.  I think I am going to go back to bed.  I'm glad you can't feel pain in dreams.

Milestone Purchases

Watching HGTV has one major downside: it makes me want to go house hunting.  Buying a home is not something we are ready for financially or emotionally.  This particular episode is in the Boston area so it makes it so much more entertaining to go on real estate websites.  Our biggest issue with home buying aside from the obvious financial reasons is that we really have no idea where we would like to live long term.  Let's face it, a home is a long term commitment and possibly a permanent one.  That's huge so the city or town that we choose is a big deal and I can't decide if I want stay in this area or move to the city.  I really would like to try the city at least once.  So yeah, renting is the way to go for us at least for now.  Dave likes HGTV though so if I want him to watch tv with me, then this is our channel.

My sister, my mom, and I went wedding dress shopping during the day today and my sister found some really beautiful dresses.  She's insecure about her weight and I think had a hard time seeing past that but she looked great in almost all the dresses she tried on.  We did find a favorite but the dress from her "look book" wasn't at either shop so I think we'll be calling some other places for that specific dress so that she can try it before making her decision.  It's exciting to be shopping for her.  Her body type fits the mermaid style perfectly (it's something that I wished worked for me but totally doesn't).  When thinking about her dress she saw herself in lots of lace; however, after trying them on the favorite was a gorgeously beaded satin dress.  This is somewhat funny because I went in looking for the exact type of dress she found as her favorite thus far and the dress that I ended up choosing was what she was looking for.

I don't know which one she's choose just yet but whichever one she does, I know it will accentuate her beauty and Ben will love it.

Soon

I woke up this morning feeling like someone poured concrete into my sinus while I slept.  My head was pounding and there was absolutely nothing I could about it.  I tried medication, extra sleep, caffeine (I've been drinking a lot recently and wanted to make sure it wasn't withdrawal), more sleep.  I haven't had a headache quite like that in a really long time.  It was so painful.  Despite my best attempts I did not make it into work which I was bummed about.  I mean I have two weeks and I can't even make it in then? I didn't actually get out of bed until Dave came home around 5:30.  He made me a peanut butter sandwich and rubbed my shoulders which were super tight.  Probably because I was sleeping in pain.  He's so good to me.

Once I was out of bed though I began to feel really anxious.  I couldn't quite figure out why.  It might have just been that I had to call in sick again.  It was actually really annoying.  I wanted to go in which is odd but I did.  I feel like it's the least I can do now that I'm leaving.  By 7pm, the pain had subsided.  Why it couldn't have taken care of itself prior to 2pm is beyond me.  Soon though, I'll be able to just take care of myself without worrying about work and things like that.  That will feel good.  No more guilt, no more pressure.  No more feeling inadequate.  Just handling each day as it approaches.  Soon.

Quick post

It's going to be a short post tonight mainly because I'm just not in the mood to write.  Really I should be going to bed but I know that if I do, I'm not going to fall asleep right away.  A bath may be in order because I am tired and that may be just what I need to get to sleep.  The day was productive and I was able to get some things done.  I went to Barnes and Noble and did some research on the 17 Day Diet.  Any by research, I mean, I read parts of the book.  My sister and Ben are doing it and they've already lost a good deal of weight despite it only being just over a week.  I can already see the results.

Dave went to the doctor's today where he got a lecture for the slow increase of weight he's putting on.  Really, he might as well be talking to both of us as we are both living a very unhealthy lifestyle.  Once I finish working, I think we'll start.  It's only a little more than a week and I would to be able to do it together.  It's so much easier when we can eat breakfast and dinner together.  Lunches can be prepared the day before.  Working the opposite shifts made that pre-planning more difficult.  Not impossible.  If we really set our minds to it  we would have made it work but we're just lazy.

Okay, that's enough for tonight.

Videography

Tonight my mom, my sister, Ben, and I all went to a wedding expo at my sister's venue. We had a really good time though I think my sister was disappointed that she didn't win anything in the end.  It was strange.  I feel like it's been forever since I've done that and yet, I also feel like it was just yesterday.  Going through and looking at the vendors as each one tries to get your business.  It made me want to plan another party.  Maybe when we buy our first home.   Maybe some other major party that could arise.  I don't know.  It is nice though to not have to be there as a helper and not as the person making the decisions.  

As I was walking through, I saw the one thing I really regretted.  After all was said and done, I wish we had spent the extra money on a videographer.  At the time, it seemed unnecessary.  "How many times are we going to watch our wedding video?" I asked myself.  It wasn't worth another $1500.  Looking back though, I really wish I had something especially for our ceremony.  We put such thought into the ceremony and it was so emotional and intimate despite the many people watching.  I wish we had captured that on film.  On our anniversary we went through our wedding photographs and it was wonderful but how cool would it have been to watch snippets from the wedding as well.  I think about my parents' wedding.  How I would have loved to watch their ceremony and my mom's students singing and signing (she taught them sign language for the particular song) one of the songs.  To actually listen to the male quartet that she was so worried about because realized the day off that she'd never heard them sing only to be overwhelmed by how good they were  I would have loved to see my parents expressing their love and making their vows.  My sister and I were never able to and if Dave and I were to have children, they won't get to see that either.

That being said, we do have some video taken by a friend but it was so far away and we are kind of in shadow due to having the ceremony inside.  Still, it's better than nothing.  We might be able to enhance it a bit so that we can really hear what is being said.  As part of the videographer's add, it stated that 70% of newly married couples regret not having splurged.  I realized today that I am definitely part of that 70%.  However, I have to say: if that's really my major regret, my wedding was pretty darn fantastic.

Relationships

Dave and I have that relationship where you are both doing our own when one of us comes up to the other and is like, "I don't want to disturb you but I just need five minutes to ask you about this."  Then that five minutes suddenly becomes two hours and it's not a bad two hours.  It's not a long winded disagreement but rather a long conversation that rambles from topic to topic until suddenly it's two hours later and we're both like, "what? It's 1:30? How did that happen?"  It's what I've always wanted in a relationship.   I like that we can converse on an intellectual level.

Some time ago, I determined that there are three major components to a relationship.  There are probably a ton of social scientific studies that either reinforce my thoughts or completely contradict them so I really have no actual claim except from my own experience and from the experiences of those around me.  Anyway, there are a three major components: emotional intimacy, intellectual intimacy, and sexual intimacy.  It also appears (again, based solely on my experiences) that you need at you can have two strong and one weak to feel solid within your relationship.  If you only have one form of intimacy, the relationship can suffer to the point where it can actually just fall apart.

Of course. I think that over time the strength of each can wax and wane.  When you first start dating, it might be all about the sex and the emotion.  Later on, you might find that the sexual desire lessens and it's the emotional and intellectual intimacy that propels that sense of connection.  At another point it could be all intellectual and sexual with the emotional being weakest.  What I've learned through my three serious relationships (yes, only three--not exactly a great case study) is that at some point you need them all.  For example, Brian and I never really connected intellectually.  Ever.  I would ponder philosophy or religion or some other topic and ask for his opinion which would usually be, "you think too much."

After a while, I just stopped wanting to discuss things at all.  I'd be in the car driving back to college and think, "oh, I want to talk to Brian about this" only to get there, see him, and decide against it.  For approximately two and a half years our relationship worked just fine without it.  We did things together, we laughed, and we had fun.  However, after during that awful student teaching and just after the other parts of the relationship began to slip.  Maybe I wasn't feeling sexual or I was too over emotional.  We never had the intellectual and all of a sudden the other key pieces of the relationship began to fall apart.

It's so incredibly different with Dave though.  We have all three.  At times, one or more may be the more dominant.  I certainly wasn't feeling all that sexual when I was in the midst of my PTSD.  He was patient and we strengthen the intellectual and emotional sides.  Now I am beginning to feel more comfortable and our sex life is improving too.  Some people might argue that having a sex life isn't really as necessary as people think but I have to disagree.  Sex brings it all together.  I have intellectual/emotional relationships with many people but I don't want to sleep with them.  

Of course, as you get older and kids become the priority and things stop working the way they used to when you were in your twenties you sex life may not be the relationship's main focus.  If anything I think that's common.  Some couples can get that back and others can't.  For those who can't though, the emotional and intellectual still exists.  That and one other major component is added: you have a history together.  You've grown up together perhaps through high school, college, beginnings of careers, children, end of careers, grown children, and so much more.   Maybe a strong history.  That shared connection that can only be a result of spending 30 years or more years together every day or almost every day.  Maybe that history, emotional, and intellectual intimacy are worth more than a substandard sex life.

Dave and I are newly married. Like most newly married couples before children arrive we are embracing all that being young and in love entails.  We both talk about how we're terrified that one day it's going to change.  That one day, we're not going to feel a certain way anymore but we can't worry about that.  Maybe we won't feel that way, grow in different directions for a bit, and then reconnect later.  I don't know.  All I know is that I feel like I made a fabulous choice in a husband and sometimes I do think too much.  Sometimes I try to analyze why this relationship works so much better than the last ones which is really what this whole post is about.  My thoughts as I'm thinking them.  These are the kinds of posts I want to go back and edit.  Give it a thesis and argue it like I used to in college. In the end though, I know I'll look back and enjoy reading my thoughts as they developed before they were steadfast opinions.  I can only hope that those who read this are okay with that too.

Glad it's me this time

If the rest of my work days go as quickly as today went, I'll be a very happy person.  Yesterday I expressed to Dave that I was second guessing my decision to quit my job.  However, when I got in today I was reminded again that it is time for me to stop working here.  When I got in, I saw two emails indicating that two coworkers were fired.  One was new and I didn't know much about her but the other was good at what she did.  She was one of the most accommodating schedule-wise as she worked 11pm-7am and would work 5 nights a week, come in early, stay late and do whatever was needed.  They just hired one other person for that shift and no sooner than she was able to work the 3rd shift, they fired that coworker.

In addition, there was another email indicating the coverage that was needed for multiple shifts with the lovely threat that if no one volunteered that people would be assigned.  She mentioned that I was leaving and I got a lot of positive and understanding feedback along with a couple of "I'm following you out" comments.  Of course, they are only half-joking.  Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have the financial freedom to do this.  I'm glad that it's me leaving this time though and not worrying about being assigned additional shifts especially some of those third shifts.  If it wasn't me leaving and it was one of my coworkers, that expectation would be placed on me too.

Finally, during one of the busier parts of the day almost all of our systems went down.  All but one.  The one that didn't is a more difficult system to use as it is entirely DOS based.  We aren't really trained in that system so all of us are shaky at it at best.  Add that the majority of those answering the calls are new hires there was a lot of confusion.  Of course as timing would have it, this occurred during a meeting with my managers, the team leads, and the senior representatives.  Basically everyone with knowledge of these systems and ability to assist us were in this meeting.  So I called my boss and explained the situation.  You would think that with our systems down, new hires struggling, and calls in queue that the meeting might have been postponed.  Instead, it was up to me and a couple of other more experienced workers to assist the new hires with systems that we aren't all that familiar with.  I really wanted to call back and say that this wasn't part of my job description but I didn't.

As another one of my coworkers said to me upon finding out that I was leaving, "they just don't get it."  And they don't.  I mentioned before my job is not answer the phone, read the script pertaining to the question, and hang out.  It requires actual thinking and it far more involved.  It's intimidating and at times overwhelming.   Add the rest of typical "call center" difficulties and we don't need lingering threats about working extra shifts or no support when our systems go down.  It causes people to leave.  The best is that now I'm the one leaving and not left to pick up the pieces of others leaving

Laundry

Work seemed to take forever today.  One of my coworkers had the day off which made it so that I was on the phone literally all day with the major issue being that my Bermuda people had forgotten to call and tell us that they are traveling.  I really wish I understood what these people did for a living.  When I came home, I talked to Dave for a bit, took a bath, and took a nap.  A nap that I couldn't wake up from.  Now that I have my nose hates me and I feel miserable. 

As I was falling asleep, I asked Dave if he could put the laundry in the washer/dryer and I would fold.  Dave hates folding laundry and it always takes me forever to get around to doing the whole washing/drying thing.  I knew we had a lot of laundry.  A whole lot of laundry and he did it all.  I didn't actually expect him to do it all.  Now I have so much laundry to fold!  I can't complain as I sort of walked into this deal myself.  Stupid nose making me feel crappy when I have a ton of laundry to fold. Not cool.   

So one Sunday is done, one more Sunday to go.  That's going to be the theme for this week.  One done, one to go.  

Nanowrimo

I worked for a couple of hours this morning before going to a NANOWRIMO prep gathering in Newburyport.  When I initially created an account for Nano, I joined the Boston region before changing it to the North Shore region.  Already, I'm glad that I did.  I met some fellow writers and discuss my potential story.  Our Municipal Liaison, Sara, gave us some worksheets to help us get started in planning process.  There were also many writing books on characters and plot and scene setting introduced as potential references.

On the one hand, it was inspiring.  On the other, I am beginning to wonder what I've gotten myself into.  As I've begun to complete the worksheets I've realized just how many gaping holes and research I need to complete.  They said not to focus on those pieces of research that will crop up recommending to just make a note.  Already though I'm beginning to see that will be a large challenge for me.  What do you mean, I can't spend hours research the Massachusetts court system so I can portray my opening scene accurately?  Sure, it's only a small part of the actual story but I need the details.  

Not to mention that when I reread my initial plot description, I was horrified.  I feel like my idea has so much potential and I am so unqualified to write it.  Then I think back to all those books on writing fiction and character development and I begin to feel so overwhelmed.  I have no idea what I am doing.  I don't know how to write fiction.  I wrote research papers and analytic essays, not novellas.  I took one course in creative writing and showed no natural talent in the field.  Also, I already know I'm committing fiction crime number one by trying to work through my issues with fiction.

I'm beginning to consider forgoing the idea and just trying to focus on my blog or to give it a go anyway.  Have be a lesson in overcoming perfectionism.  I need to decide soon though.  I only have a couple of weeks.

More thoughts

Today was my first day of my last days of work.  Now that I've given my two week notice, I really want these two weeks to be up.   Part of me just wants to just begin this new phase.  This is where patience is such a virtue that I need.  One of my very first projects for being out of work is going to be NANOWRIMO.   I've never actually participated in it and I can't think of a better time to sit down and get writing.  Of course, it will be much more than just a fun project.  My hope is to get into some sort of established writing routine.  If I want to maybe try freelance writing or really get my other blog up and running I need to actually begin writing.

These posts are great but they take me maybe a half hour and have very little thought put into them.  Really, I write my thoughts as I think them when I write on here.  That's not writing.  Having to write more than 2,000 words per day is going to require time and energy.  It won't be something I can accomplish in an hour.  If I can get into the habit of writing 5 hours per day, that might really do something for me later on.  Sure, initially it won't be to earn any money.  However, if I get used to writing four to five hours a day then once the project is complete, I can transition that to writing something of substance that I might be able to use to generate some minimal income.

So yeah, I'm actually really excited about it.  I know that this is not something more practical people will understand but I need to stop worrying about what other people think.  So long as my husband (who is the only one directly affected by my lack of working) is okay with it then that's all that matters.  Maybe I'll write, volunteer, and be a housewife of a while.  I have my very first hospice visit with two patients next Thursday.  I want to find something else to do too.  Maybe the aquarium.   I've also decided that if I really want to make some extra cash I can look into substituting again around here.  I mean, I could do a couple of days a month and generate some income in need be.

Of course, as a result of the loss of my income we've had to step back and re-evaluate our financial plans.  Paying back out debt by the end of the year will not happen unfortunately but we can still pay what is needed.  We'll also have to be far more careful about what we spend on a regular basis.  No more super expensive trips to Stowe, Vermont in our future.  Not to mention that my CFP classes aren't cheap so we'll have to figure that out too.  I really can't believe I'm doing this.  I've been granted such an opportunity and I'm so not going to waste it.

Oh for anyone who wants to follow me during NANOWRIMO, my username is ALifeinLetters.  I know that some of you have accounts from years past and the more people who hold me accountable the better.