Goals

My word! I was just about to go to lie down for bed when I realized I hadn't written yet.  My mind's been racing all day budding with future good intentions that I'll probably never bring to fruition.  Wow, that was a bit of a downer comment but it's also true.  Sadly this writing everyday thing is really the only "goal" I've followed through on.  I guess that's not entirely true.  I did graduate from college and completed a second student teaching experience despite the hell of the first.  I also found a great man and have a wonderful relationship after the hell of that first too.  Hmm... the fact that my first real job wasn't hell mean I'm doomed to get just by?

However, those are things I don't really count.  I had to get through the second student teaching experience.   I don't like to think about what would've happened to me if I had allowed the first one to defeat me.  I'm nothing if not a fighter which is both a blessing and curse depending on any given moment. Not to mention that I had dreamed of being a college graduate from the time I was in elementary school.  Yeah, some little girls dream of weddings.   I dreamed of the doors that I thought would open for me once I graduated.  Maybe they are open and I'm just not looking hard enough or at all.  In regards to  Dave, well he was just pure luck.  That wasn't me setting a goal and going after it.  He came into my life like a storm and blew me away and challenged my way of thinking then like all decent storms provided the sustenance needed to breath new life.  Like I said, that was just luck though.

In reality, this blog is the one thing I have for me and only me.  It's my own creation and it's the one goal not driven by luck or some external factor that I'm really accomplishing.  I did actually accomplish it.  Technically this is bonus but it's one of those things that I feel won't be done until the work on myself is complete and as I'll always be a work in progress, this blog will not come to end either.  Of course, I do have Dave to thank for helping me stay motivated when I didn't want to continue or I just wanted to sit the written dance with myself out.  It's okay that he's helped too.  It doesn't lessen my own accomplishment.  Rarely do people do great things by themselves.  I mean, these a reason why award speeches are timed.  I'm grateful to Dave and I'm proud of myself for this.

Now, I want to bring another dream to life, too.  I have to remember how many false starts I had with journaling.  Since I learned to write I've tried various diaries and journals but never got around to writing every single day the way I do now.  It was something I always wanted to do; I hated that I only seemed to write when I was depressed but not so much when I was happy.  It took almost 20 years for me to get here with writing on a daily basis.  Perhaps I should stop pressuring myself to accomplish my other dreams.  Sometimes they just happen (like Dave), other times you have put on a suit of hypothetical armor and plow through (student teaching), and other times it's just a matter of finding what works for you.  That skin that helped you fight other battles will be invaluable during the pitfalls but when you have a method that works with your way of doing things it makes all the difference in the world.