New blog

Hello all,

I'd like to invite you all to my new blog: A Mind Serenade.  From now on I will be writing there so please feel free start following me.  Thank you to following me here for the past two years.  I can't tell you how much it means to me.

<3 Me

Saying Goodbye to this journal

I know it's only been a couple of days since I wrote the post about discontinuing this blog and starting a private online journal instead but I think it is something that I want to do.  No one has commented on anything I've posted here for a while so I'm not sure if people (aside from my mother, Dave, and Jamie) are even still reading it.  Honestly, I totally get it if people have decided to stop reading this.  Most of what I write is utter crap and very self centered.  I don't say much that's worth reading so having only three readers makes sense.  What doesn't make sense is continuing to write a public blog that only has three readers especially if there are times that I feel like I can't write about what's on my mind because it's either too personal or about someone else.  

A part of me really just wants to write for myself and then I can do what I used to do when I kept a written journal and show it to people when they ask about what's going on.  Sometimes I do find it easy to communicate in writing rather than talking so it would be easy to just have them read what I wrote rather than try to talk about it.  Sure, it would mean that I would have to excuse myself to the bathroom or try to busy myself doing something while they read it and collected their thoughts but it worked.  With an online journal, I could password protect the entries.  Like Jamie or Alli, instead of posting everyday I would post occasionally.  My friends and family would get the occasional better written post rather than horribly written posts everyday.  

I guess my biggest fear is that people will take it the wrong way but I suppose it is my choice.  It's been a wonderful two years writing here but you can't do something forever and I think it's time to make a change.  I love you all.  Thank you for spending all the time that you already have reading this and I will be posting the new journal link sometime soon.  

Nana

Got some difficult news to swallow tonight when my mother called to tell me that my nana's house got broken into last night.  She' okay, thank God.  Still it was 9pm and she was saying her rosary when she saw two men standing outside her bedroom window.  She immediately pressed her lifeline and started screaming once she heard them in her kitchen.  I can't imagine how scared she must have been.  She's got spunk though and luckily her screams caused them to run away.   I'm still not sure why at 90 years old she insists on staying at her home alone but even now she wants to go back once the doors and windows are fixed and the alarmed installed.  My hope is that my father, my aunt, and my uncle can talk her out of it.

Her strength has always astounded me.  Sure, she's gotten a bit cantankerous in her old age but I've always admired her.  Her father had a bit of an alcohol problem when she was a child causing her mother to go to work when she was only nine.  This left her cooking and cleaning and taking care of her younger brother before the age of ten.  She insisted on driving at the age of sixteen despite it being completely unheard of at that time and the man would all make fun of her.  Much later she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, had surgery, and lost all function on one side her body which she had to learn to regain.  Not to mention how she cared for my grandfather for at least 7 years after his stroke.   That strength and pride that kept her going for so long is now what makes her so stubborn about leaving her home.

I hate that this happened to her and I am so grateful that she is okay.

Writing

There was a lot of goofing around today once Dabey got home from work.  And I'm still awake whereas this time last night, I was practically in tears because I was so miserable.  Must mean that I'm feeling a bit better. Actually this morning I woke up feeling like a new person. Still, the first thing I did was schedule an appointment with the Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor for January 28th.  This is going to sound weird but I'm looking forward to meeting with her.  I just hope she doesn't bring me into emergency surgery like she did when she saw my cousin.  Then again, my cousin says it was the best thing that ever happened to her so maybe some emergency surgery is just what I need.  So long as I can make it to class on the 29th; I'm good.

Now that 2013 is here officially and I have begun writing in Investing in Living, I'm seriously considering moving this blog to Wordpress and making it something private. This is primarily a personal journal anyway. Still, because of it's public broadcasting there are times that I can't actually write about what I want. Sometimes, events happen in the lives of my friends that affect me and I want to write about them and their impact on my thoughts and feelings.

After Katie had her baby would be a perfect example. It wasn't my place to announce baby Jude's arrival into the world. Even if I had the ability to set that entry to private, I could have written about baby Jude's influence on my worldviews but I wouldn't be sharing a close friend's big announcement. Obviously, something like that doesn't happen on a daily basis but even those days when I have nothing to say or just end up complaining about nothing ad nauseum. Those kinds of posts are probably better left unread by the world. My friends love me and they tolerate it but should they have to? What do you guys think?

Still not feeling well...

Dave and I are both sick now.  I actually feel better but have had this headache that hasn't gone away and I'm still so congested.  I should have called the doctor but I didn't.  I ended up just going to bed and had some horrible dreams instead.  My whole face just hurts and I'm really regretting not contacting someone who might have helped.  That said, it's doubtful that I could be seen right away anyway.  For that I should go to my regular doctor.  I just don't think it's going to help.  I don't have a fever and will probably just be told that it's allergies and to wait it out.  With Dave being sick too, he's totally off too.  I need to go lie down again.

First Sunrise

Happy first day of the New Year.  Here are some pictures of the first sunrise.  I hope you all had as nice of a beginning at Dave and me. 

Two posts today

Happy New Year everyone!  It's 2013 and that means that I've written everyday for the past two years.  I'm pretty psyched about that.  With the new year, I've also posted my first (second) post on Investing in Living. I can't believe I'm actually trying it again after all this time.  It's terrifying but also super exciting.  

With my being ill and all, Dave and I decided to stay in tonight.  This is the first year since I was twelve that I haven't done anything special and you know, I kind of like it.  I mean, I also love spending time with my friends during the new year but it nice to not make a big deal out of it.  As of right now, I'm watching a movie I've seen a gazillion times and Dave is working on my blog layout.

I kind of feel badly because I basically begged him to work on it.  He's been killing himself working on my sister's wedding website and I felt badly about pulling him away but I really did want to get it up tonight.  Choosing a layout has been quite a process partly because I had no idea what I wanted.  I spent hours searching through our photos as a possibility and found nothing.  I tried drawing something but it looked totally cheesy and awful.  It was getting frustrating.

Finally, I found a super popular layout that is very similar to the one I'm using here and I loved it. The best part is that it is free. Is it perfect and original?  Not really.  Dave is modifying it and trying to customize it to give it more of a personalized feeling.  I'm so lucky I have him.   Once I really begin to develop the blog in a few months or so, maybe I'll change it further.  

Still sick but got something done

Last night my nose went crazy.  I couldn't stop sneezing and it kept running like a faucet.  Although I had 2 boxes of tissues, I used every last one and am now almost entirely through a whole roll of toilet paper.  I've taken all the medication I can think to try and nothing seems to work.  Somehow I felt better when I was laying down.  The mucus must drip back and I breath through one nostril or the other and I just feel better.  After talking with my mom and forgoing dinner plans for this evening, I found myself back in bed sleeping until the early evening.  I'm just exhausted.

Before going to bed I contacted my cousin who's had some major issues and found an ear, nose, throat doctor who changed her life.  I'm not sure if they'll be open tomorrow with it being New Year's Eve Day and all but I think I'll give her a office a call just to see.  I think I really need to see someone other than my regular doctor or an allergy specialist.  I need a second opinion.  If she suggests the allergy shots then maybe I will start them back up again.  Really, I'm just so tired of this and I'm tired of being tired all the time because I'm not breathing properly.  I'm taking allergy medication regularly and still it doesn't seem to help.  Maybe there is something more going on.

Despite that, I did some meal planning and planned the meals for the week. In addition I created a grocery list using Stop & Shop's website.  I know that Stop and Shop is one of the most expensive grocery stores in the area but it allows me to create a whole shopping list and price it out at the same time.  To make my meal plan for the week, I went through our cabinets and made a list of everything we still have.  We've spent the last week only eating things from our cabinets and fridge so I had a pretty good idea already.  Unfortunately we need milk and eggs to make most of the stuff that remains so I built it from there.

My goal was to keep it under $50 for the week and I totally did it.  I also went online and ordered toilet paper, razor blades, and tissues seeing as we are out of blades and tissues and only have like two rolls of toilet paper left.  My goal was to keep that under $25 but it required a $25 minimum for free shipping so I spent $26.48.  We were actually slightly under $50 for the groceries so I don't feel all that upset by it.  Plus, we'll earn 10 points on the dollar so that will be helpful if we want to take a vacation sometime after this spending fast.

Family

I'm feeling a little better today.  Going to my family's Christmas party was a challenge because I wasn't feeling all that great earlier.  Right now, it's just my typical nose issues.  Ah well, I just got to let it run its course, right?  Our family party was entertaining as always.  The little great grandchildren were adorable.  We enjoyed watching their antics and playfulness.  I can't believe how big they're getting.  The two oldest are  now nine.  My grandmother has two almost decade old great-grandchildren.  How surreal must that be?

We hired a photographer for this year to get some group shots of the family.  Dave took photos in the background and my mom posted a couple on Facebook.  I'm excited for some of the ones the photographer took though.  It's always nice to see everyone and this year everyone was actually able to come which is unheard of as the family has grown to 46 people (only first cousins).  Almost all of us started with just two people: my grandparents who had six children who went on to have twelve children of their own, and now there are eight great-grandchildren.  This isn't including the spouses.

How cool must it be to be able look upon all of us and think of the pivotal role you played?  Dave and I won't ever have that experience.  I mean, unless we start pumping out the babies now or have multiple sets of triplets (they don't run in the family so I doubt it).  By the time my grandparents were my age they had four children.  I can't imagine.  Having them so young has allowed them to not only see half their grandchildren marry but also see eight great-grandchildren come into the world.  Unless we are able to extend our life-spans during my lifetime, that won't be something I'll be able to see for myself.  Like I said, there's the remote possibility of us having multiples who could have children at a very young age who could grow up and also have children at a young age.

Even if we were to have a child within the next year, there's a small chance I'll be able to see any great-grandchildren.  I mean, I'm twenty eight and if my child waits until he or she is twenty eight to have her own child I'll be fifty-six years old.  If my grandchild has his/her child at twenty eight,  I'll be eighty four years old. I suppose that's not impossible but that would be if each of those children decide to have kids.  My grandmother is eighty four right now.

On the other hand, I've had the opportunity to experience things my grandmother never got the chance to experience like college and travel.  She would have thrived in college.  Now that I think about it, I've probably traveled to more places in my twenty-eight years than she has in her eighty four.  She never really got the chance having her children so young and far apart in ages.  I doubt she regrets it in the slightest.  I think she was happiest whenever she was with my grandfather.  He's been gone almost two years now and she tears up all the time when she thinks about him.

Sometimes having six children (the youngest was born when the oldest was 17) can really strain a marriage.  I'm sure it wasn't always easy but they made it through and I think they loved each other as much in their final years as they did when they initially married.  Maybe more.  My grandmother never went to college, traveled the world, owned a home, or even drove a car but she married a man she never stopped loving.  A man who gave her the world and a large, wonderful family.  I think, in many ways, she is far richer than some of us "modern women" who value so many other things more than family.

Ugh

I'm in a mood tonight.  I don't know what it's about but I sit here pouting and feeling down and irritated.  I'm still sick and not feeling my best causing me to do almost nothing around the house.  I'll be honest, I really did plan to do some serious cleaning over these past two days but all I've done is the dishes.  Instead I've mostly just slept and taken baths.  Dave gave me some medicine that has made my voice feel a little better.  Still, I think I'm just annoyed by my lack of progress on the apartment front.  I know that psychologically I'll feel better once it's clean and I really want to take action but I just feel weak and tired and ill.  It's only been two days but it feels like it's been forever.  I'm ready for it to be over.  We have a family Christmas party tomorrow and I better be okay.  Not to mention New Year's Eve... sigh.  It's just one of those days.

Sick

So I'm sick and I have my period.  All those things I wanted to do today?  Yeah, they didn't happen because I spent almost all day in bed trying to sleep off this illness.  A part of me knew it was coming.  It was only a matter of time before all that post-nasal drip entered my chest, affected my voice, and made it difficult to breathe.  Too bad, my period chose today as the perfect time to let me know that I'm not pregnant this month and gave me some stomach pain in addition to the rest of me that was uncomfortable.  I was hoping to be showing some improvement by this evening but my voice is just as bad and if I try to speak much more than a few words at a time, I find myself gasping for air.  This proved to be extra annoying talking to Dave who almost never heard or understood what I was saying the first time I tried because he's not used to this strange voice.  I would then have to repeat and then find myself trying to not get frustrated with him and just catch my breath.

What can I do really?  I'll take my baths and see if the steam helps.  I'll continue taking my allergy medication , drink more Airborne, and just try to get as much rest as I can.  So not in the mood to deal with though right now.  I have stuff to do.  Laying in bed all day fighting this chest cold is really not what I should be doing.

Cleaning

For the past two days Dave and I were staying at my parents' house.  Tonight we are back at home and Dave has to go to work tomorrow.  A part of me wishes we had the foresight to have him take Thursday, Friday, and Monday off so we could have until after the new year together.  We have so much we would like to do and so many things to take care of that it would be nice to have him around.  Ah well, I am off so I'll try to get as much taken care of as I can without him.  

Our list of things to do includes cleaning this entire apartment, getting Investing in Living ready to relaunch, getting price quotes from different car insurance policies, finish up my sister's website, and a couple of other things I can't think of right now.  Normally, I would put off the cleaning thing but right now our place is such a disaster that it's plain stressful.  I can't deny the motivating and calming power that a clean and organized living environment provides.   Even being at my parents place I felt calmer and whatnot.  I'm naturally a messy individual and Dave isn't much better.  There was a time when the chaos was more organized and I could work within it but not so much anymore.  I can no longer deny that I need a more tidy space and I think it would be hugely helpful to Dave too.  

So yeah, so not looking forward to that.  I'm getting sleepy just thinking about it.  

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Everyone!  I hope you all enjoyed your holiday and got everything you wished for.  I did.  Dave got some things on his wish list too.  People seemed pleased with what we got for them as well.  That's always important too.  The best part though?  Spending all day in my pajamas with my family.  Ben, Laura, Dave, and I even had a political discussion without it getting out of hand.  In fact, we even found common ground.  It was kind of awesome and totally part of the magic of Christmas.  That, or the political atmosphere is more publicly polarized than it actually is in reality. 

I'm going to stop writing this now because Dabey has got his head in his hands reading over my shoulder as I type making "tired" faces.  As I was writing that sentence he stuck out his tongue and is now grimacing and shaking his head back and forth.  Now he's giggling and shaking his head back and forth.   I think that means he loves me.  He nodded his agreement.  Okay, I love him too so I'm ending this now so we can go to bed. 

Merry Christmas! Ho Ho HO!

Christmas Eve

Twas the night before Christmas and I've gone and stayed awake until quarter to five in the morning.   We decided to stay at my parents' place after going to my Uncle's for Christmas Eve since it would be easier than driving down here tomorrow (today, whatever).  I knew that I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep at a reasonable hour but I figured I would watch a movie or read a book once everyone went to bed.   However, for some reason, when my father called it a night around 2am my mother wasn't tired yet and we stayed up talking.  Dave listened while working on my sister's wedding website. 

We had a nice conversation.  My mother is one of those people who is extremely easy to talk with.  She's had many a stranger tell her things that you wouldn't expect.  Sure, there are some people who are just more open but I do think my mother's ability to converse makes it easier.  Heck, even some of the customer services reps she's spoken with over the phone have talked about how they dislike their job with her.  She just has that way about her.  And of course, I can talk up a storm so... here it is at almost 6am and I'm only just now typing this post. 

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas Eve and that you all have an even better Christmas.  I hear that there might be snow.  Sadly it hasn't started yet but I'm still hopeful for a white Christmas even if it is just a dusting. 

Day after

The past two posts were very short and I'm afraid that's going to be the same tonight.   Despite taking a nap I'm exhausted.  So is Dave.  Last night's drunken escapades wiped us out.  This morning I ended up feeling worse than I expected.  I don't if it was "hung over" but I was super uncomfortable.  My nose was a mess, I was ridiculously tired, cranky, and just out of sorts.  Really it was my nose more than anything.  It's been terrible recently so I don't know if my moodiness had to do with that or because I drank too much last night. Probably a combination of both.  I strongly doubt that Dave and I will be drinking like that for a while.  Even just having soda isn't appealing.  All I want is water and maybe some hot chocolate.

Since we were in Haverhill we stopped by my parents to wish my mother a Happy Birthday.  Of course we forgot her card and gift but I was at least able to say hi.  My dad is taking her to a dinner and a movie tonight which is really awesome since they rarely do that.  I hope they have fun and my mom's birthday is something special.  With it being so close to Christmas she always got the short stick as far as birthdays go because it was always being overshadowed.   Happy Birthday Mom! You're the best.

Okay, I'm going to go lay down again and maybe watch a movie or something.  Just chill out and relax but I decided to write before I got too comfortable.

Cookie

I love my husband.  If it wasn't for him I wouldn't be writing  this right now.  I'd be snuggled in Jamie's brother's bed about to fall asleep.  We had our second annual drunken cookie decorating party  tonight.  And we all got very drunk except for Lauren who got really sleepy.  I've sobered up a bit since though so this post isn't too bad.  I am very tired though and I'm not really digging posting on this iPad.  So goodnight all.

Too sleepy!

It's 4am and I was about to fall asleep next to my husband when I suddenly remembered that I hadn't written yet!  This thought was distressing because all I wanna do is sleep. Also , I'm really cold; I have 3 blankets on!  But the world didn't end so I'm not really that distressed!  The end!

"It's the end of the world as we know it" or is it?

I slept super late today and awoke after having this horrible dream.  During the dream, I was being raised by a some family that wasn't mine and I kept trying to run away to get back to my parents and they kept catching me.  They weren't very nice.   Apparently, their child and me were switched at birth and when my parents did find out they were reluctant to take a paternity test because they didn't want to loose the child that they had fallen in love with and raised.  I was just some stranger who looked like them.   It was horrible. When I woke up all I could think about was how lucky I was to have them as parents.  A close friend who believed in past lives believed that if we lived well during the life prior we could choose our parents before we're born.  She always felt like she chose her family.   I don't know if I chose my parents or if it was God or just plain luck but I'm so grateful for them.  At this point, they are more than my parents but they are close friends too.

The world is supposed to end today.  According to many of the things I've read, they've estimated that it will end at 11:11 Universal Time which is apparently 6:11 our time.  I have no idea if that's am or pm.  A huge part of me hopes that if it's going to kill up all I'd rather it happen in the morning when I'm asleep.  There is the theory of a giant meteor; however, that's unlikely as we probably would know about it by now or see it.  There's the atomic warfare theory and then there's the electronic shutdown where all electricity just shuts down indefinitely causing mass panic which would lead to people killing each other.   However, the one I feel would be most likely is the world pandemic or massive solar flares. I just feel like that is far more likely than the others.  Of course, there have also been many, many people who have determined that the Mayan Calendar does not predict the end of the world.  The history channel is showcasing people who have built bunkers as their fail safe.  Here's the thing about bunkers, you need to be near it when the atomic bomb goes off and bunkers do not protect from earthquakes.

At the moment, I'm watching something on the History Channel about how the military and the government have these contingency plans.  They won't help us regular people.  I know all of this is super ridiculous and this is not the first "end of the world" prediction but there's always that small part of me that can't help but wonder "what if."  I also tend to be anxious about these kind of things anyway.  I don't have any confidence in my abilities to survive if our society completely collapsed.  TV shows like Jericho and Revolution both fascinate me and scare the crap out of me.  I am not a survivalist.  I don't know how to set up a tent, shoot a gun, plant or identify my own food, and I live in an urban area making survival almost impossible.  I also am not an "Armageddon prepper;" I mean, if I was I certainly wouldn't be living here.  Plus, I know that if I did start to prepare, I would just snowball out of control.   The mere idea of that kind of the living situation makes me hope that if it is caused by a nuclear bomb I'm in the blast zone.

Alright, I'm not going to think about this anymore.  Right now, it only produces more anxiety.  I'm almost positive that absolutely nothing will happen.  Even if it does, there is little I can do about it aside from react.  It's completely out of my control.  

In the right direction

Although I don't have anything to show you, I did actually work on my first two posts for Investing in Living. I outlined one of the posts and found some pictures I might want to use and took some note regarding the second one.  It's progress.  Slow moving progress but progress none the less.  I also called and cancelled the   memberships we have at the gym, Massage Envy, and Audible.com.  In addition I also folded the laundry so I got through a lot of the things on my To-Do List.  Even my procrastination proved somewhat productive.  To help procrastinate, I go to Pinterest.  It's my favorite distraction technique.  Recently, I have been really annoyed with my pin boards and their organization so I spent a few hours actually reorganizing and pinning.  It did provide a small sense of accomplishment, you know one akin to completing a level in Tetris: meaningless but still feels good.

Not exactly the post I wanted to write

Okay, Okay. I didn't exactly write the entry about the spending fast like I wanted to tonight but oh well.  So far day one was a success.  We ate leftovers from this weekend (something that we are going to be doing an awful lot this upcoming year) and I didn't go out and drive around aimlessly.  Instead, I sat down and took a hard look at our finances.  I just finished the book America's Cheapest Family Gets You Right On the Money which really helped a lot.  Unlike most of the financial books I've read this doesn't just talk about cutting your spending but actually helps show you how.  The book is broken down into sections with your typical budgeting and debt categories but also helps you figure out how to save in the other areas like groceries, cars, utilities, clothing, etc.  

To be honest, when it comes to cutting my spending I'm a novice.  I look at Katie who is full of tricks and creative solutions to help save money and I wish I had her skills.  Still, there's no better time to learn, right?  I know we're going to make mistakes,  I think that's a given but I'm willing to take two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, one step back, and so on until we find a system that works for us.  All I want is to go in the right direction and I'm ready to commit to that.  Hopefully, Katie won't be shy about sharing some of her money saving techniques and Dave grew up being very frugal so I think I'll be able catch on eventually.  

Today, I created a budget for our needs and actually made a complete spreadsheet based on the one supplied in the book.  How I plan to implement it is still to be determined but it's a work in progress.  We plan to eat a lot of the food we already have in the house before going grocery shopping so I have a couple of days to figure out how to feed to the two of us for a week for $50-$75.  I know that some of you reading that may laugh at how high those numbers are but it's going to be a real struggle for me.  If you only knew what we spent on food in month, it's sickening.   Some people could probably feed 100 people on what we normally spend on food.  In addition to that, I think I've determined how we are going to pay off this month's credit card bill in full and not go under water.  It will require tapping into our savings... a lot but we'll make it work and we'll have a fresh start.

If we can maintain our budget, heck even if we make a few small mistakes here and there, we should be able to create a small cushion without our checking account and start putting money toward that debt by February.  It's going to be super slow moving and I know I'm going to get impatient and frustrated by the progress but I just need to take it one day at time.  Hey, at least I'm not trying to lose weight or run a triathlon or something else ridiculous at the same time.  I can focus on this.